Mills Slow Grind

The Kentucky Derby Abbey Mills Is Decadent and Depraved Part II

From The Times:

You could call Lindsay Honey an Edinburgh virgin, but that is the only kind of virgin he is. As his alter ego Ben Dover, Honey has appeared in more than 250 pornographic films and — as we go to press — had sex with 1,790 women. This month, though, he will be giving his genitals a well-earned rest and appearing in his own show on the Edinburgh Fringe.

He is quick to make it clear that this time around he is all talk: “I did a warm-up show in London and after 20 minutes two blokes got up and walked out. They thought there was going to be a live sex show, not just me discussing my life. I’m worried that people will see a poster that says ‘Ben Dover Live On Stage’ and get the wrong idea.”

So where would that warm-up show have been then? Yup, AbbeyFest.

Where did I put that disinfectant?

Dark Mills

Checking early September in my diary, I see that I have an appointment at home watching television on the fifth so I must regretfully decline our very own local "celebration of the alternative scene in London."

Even the promise of the Sachsgate-notoriety-hoovering Satanic Sluts is unlikely to tempt me from the Fortress of Solitude I fear.

Prodnose: Are you sick of traditional Burlesque with no grit?

Myself: Not really, um, no. To be honest.

Prodnose: Then your wet dreams may have just come true.

Myself: I beg your pardon!

Prodnose: Whether you’re into vampires, robots, zombies, school girls, cheerleaders, cops, or cowgirls, these girls have got it.

Myself: Have you been at the cooking sherry again?

Prodnose: These dangerous beauties specialise in entertaining the darkest side of your soul with a live dance act that gradually decays into a total Blood Bath.

Myself (patience exhausted): Oh, man, I will never forgive your ass for this sh1t. This is some fugged-up repugnant sh1t.

Prodnose: Did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he's wrong that he is immediately forgiven for all wrongdoings? Have you ever heard that?

....... NOT TO BE CONTINUED .......

Catalan Oath

Reading Robert Hughes' BarcelonaI came across this excellent Catalan oath:

We, who are as good as you, swear to you, who are no better than us, to accept you as our king and sovereign, provided you observe all our liberties and laws, but if not, not.
(“Nós, que valem tant com vós per separat, i junts més que vós, us investim sobirà i us jurem lleialtat per tal que ens protegiu, defenseu i treballeu pel nostre progrés, i si no, no”.)

He also has a chapter called "The Color of a Dog Running Away" (see Icons passim).

One strikingly poetic Catalan phrase evokes the drabness of Barcelona twenty-fice years ago: "color de gos com fuig," "the color of a dog running away" - that is no color, indeteminancy. mud, yet with something unquestionably there.

So now we know the background to the title of Richard Gwyn's book, though I frankly am none the wiser. The meaning of the phrase "the colour of a dog running away" remains as elusive as the colour of a dog running away. Dear me I must be dim.

a snapshot

There is a screen shot above of today's most viewed stories on the Telegraph website.

The first is about mixed martial arts - something I imagined was a minority interest in the UK.

The second is a story from 2007 - that I actually blogged at the time.

Three through five are more like tabloid fodder. The third because it is a follow up to last week's HEROINE OF GREECE IGNITES FLASHER saga, and the next two self evidently so.

Violence, jingoism, sex and pets, in that order. In Britain nothing changes.

An Elegant Weapon, For a More Civilised Age

Morrissey the Consumer Monkey: No more witnesses your Honour: The prosecution rests.

A clarification

The profit burglar and I were messing around with Spotify last night in the interval in Samara's set at Abbeyfest Jazz, so I have to point out that folk music that has been sproggled to my LastFM account is nothing to do with me.

"The porn and the cocaine are mine officer, but you will have to ask Mr Fright about the Jake Thackray tracks."

“The Sheriff at the Gates: A Farce in Three Acts’’

Act One

(A street in Cambridgeham. Most Exalted University Professor HENRY LOUIS GATES, freshly returned from the Land of the Asian Khan, is rattling the door of his keep. Enter a WENCH.)

WENCH: Alarum! Alarum! A thief is about!

GATES: Peace, ye fat guts!

(Enter SHERIFF CROWLEY)

CROWLEY: Stay, now! Who disturbs our peaceful shire?

GATES: I disturb no man. My key unlocketh not.

CROWLEY: Forsooth, thou breakest and enterest.

GATES (entering his castle): I break not for witless constables. Begone!

CROWLEY: Back speaks no man to the Sheriff; I arrest thee!

GATES: Knowest thou whom I am? That I am coy with the Daily Beastmistress, Milady Tina? That I am most down with Lady Oprah, the Queen of afternoon tele-dalliances? That I am sworn liege to Dr. Faust, of whom Marlowe wrote? That I unravelest literary mysteries at the Greatest University Known to Man?

CROWLEY: Of Tufts you speak? Even so, thou art under arrest.

GATES: Thou detaineth me because I am a Moor!

............... read on ...........

---

We could have done this at AbbeyFest's Shakespeare Mash Up Live earlier this week. In which if you were to "GASP as an improvised stage combat sesion goes horribly wrong" you would have been gasping at me.

UK-London: imprisonment services

I look at Tenders Electronic Daily each day to see if there is any computer work that might be up our alley.

What on earth New Prisons - Design, Build and Operate custodial facilities was doing in "TED | Computer and Related Services | UK: United Kingdom | EN" this morning I can't imagine.

The Ministry of Justice, operating through the National Offender Management Agency wishes to establish a framework agreement for the procurement of custodial facilities through the Private Finance Initiative (PFI) using the design, build and operate model. It is anticipated that separate funding competitions will be run for each competition. If appropriate, the Authority may also consider central capital funding should resources be available.

The custodial facilities are needed to enable the Ministry of Justice to meet the requirement to increase the net capacity of the prison estate to a current target of 96 000 places by 2014.

From what we've learned of the moral scruples of financiers lately, why not square the circle by getting the same consortium to design, build, operate and provide the inmates for new prisons?

Stella Shouting Contest

At the Tennessee Williams/New Orleans Literary Festival on March 28 2010, the Stella Shouting Contest will take place:

This outrageous contest is technically a Stella/Stanley shouting contest. Sign-up will take place on the upriver side of Jackson Square starting at 4:00 p.m. on the final day of the Festival. The first 25 to sign up get to compete. Contestants must be over 21 years of age and must sign a release form.

Competition takes place right after sign-up. Each entrant competes by calling " "Stella!" (or "Stanley!") three times. Loudness counts, but contestants should also portray Stanley’s angst and emotion. Finalists selected in the outdoor portion of the contest compete on the main stage of Le Petit Theatre for the grand prize. Prizes include bowling passes to New Orleans’ famed Rock-n-Bowl for all participants, Festival "Tenn-abelia," gift certificates for local restaurants and attractions, and the Golden Stella trophies. The Golden Stella statuette holds a large star aloft and is given to the top three winners. Plus there are certificates; what’s not to love?

Genius, see Icons passim.

Also Rachel Weisz is getting rave revues at the moment for a Streetcar revival at the Donmar, and we've still got seven days left to listen to Kwame Kwei-Armah tell the story of playwright Thomas "Tennessee" Williams and exploring the creative influence of his childhood home (BBC IPlayer).

(Kind of) Blue Plaque

I haven't been to the Brecon Jazz Festival for donkey's years. (When was it Chris or John?)

It all came flooding back yesterday however when I read about the vote it is sponsoring for the UK's top jazz venue. Among the nominees, I've been to the Bull's Head and Ronnie Scott's loads of times, and used to attend the defunct Hammersmith Palais.

I'm chastened to note that I've never seen music in The Four Bars Inn (now Dempseys), Castle Street, Cardiff, as I'd already flown the coop by 1987.

I'm also pleased to join the general hilarity that has accompanied Buckingham Palace's place in the list.

Buckingham Palace, London, 1919-1932 The palace hosted a series of royal command performances by jazz musicians, starting with the Original Dixieland Jazz Band in 1919.

"The current Queen is not notably musical," sniffs the Guardian, missing an opportunity to mention the IPod that Barack Obama gave her. I thought it was compulsory to include a reference to that device whenever possible in British feature journalism.

Welsh Guards bear brunt as Afghan death toll rises

“Do you think we are winning?”

The Welsh Guardsman was on his stomach with his light machinegun outside Checkpoint 11 when he asked this of the person lying next to him. He listened intently to the open-ended answer and quietly went back to scanning the canal bank for an expected Taleban attack.

The Welsh Guards are in the process of setting up the Welsh Guards Afghanistan appeal. Donations can be sent to Regimental HQ, Welsh Guards, Birdcage Walk, London SW1E 6HQ. Cheques may be made payable to ‘’The Welsh Guards Afghanistan Appeal.’

(Three years on from this note, what progress?)

2 moans

1. I hate Japanese knotweed.
2. I have a bad back.

It pays to increase your word power

In mathematics, a matrix is said to be diagonally dominant if in every row of the matrix, the magnitude of the diagonal entry in that row is larger than or equal to the sum of the magnitudes of all the other (non-diagonal) entries in that row, and if in at least one row of the matrix, the magnitude of the diagonal entry in that row is strictly larger than the sum of the magnitudes of all the other (non-diagonal) entries in that row.

Not the same thing as dominatrix then (for words see Diagon Alley, for wine see Domina).

This is how we do it

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2009/jul/24/kfc-secret-recipe-revealed

Chilli Fiesta

I've been in a meeting in West Dean most of the day, I have to take the Bomber to judo for 6pm, and people are coming round for dinner later.

Hence I am rushed, and the only observation I have time to share is that I am tempted by West Dean's Chilli Fiesta on the weekend after next.

I've a little capiscum in the garden myself. I wonder if I will succumb to chilli, chillie, or chili envy?

The inenarrable godhead of delight?

I was too young for Reptilicus, but I read in Empire magazine this morning that Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus is to get a theatrical release in the UK.


I haven't been so excited since Beerfest.

So what does the future hold for this franchise-in-the-making? To get the answer, we went straight to one of the film's human stars, 80's icon Deborah Gibson.

"I haven't seen the final edit, but we did do a version that leaves the door open for a potential sequel," Gibson revealed. "Because God knows what else is in the ocean. I thought maybe a seahorse? Maybe a 500-foot lobster would be good. But yes, there is the potential for a sequel, and I would absolutely love it."

SMS Twitter (and all who sail aboard her)

From the Twitter Blog yesterday:

Full, two-way interaction with Twitter over SMS is now available for everyone who uses O2, the largest mobile operator in the UK. There are no extra fees associated with Twittering over SMS on the 02 network—standard or in bundle rates apply for updating your account and receiving tweets over SMS is free so Tweet your heart out!

To Twitter over SMS with your iPhone or any other mobile, head over to your account settings and activate your device. The Twitter shortcode in the UK is 86444 if you want to save it in your address book. Twitter started with a strong focus on texting and we continue to provide SMS access around the world.

I'll have to have a play about with that later. Purely professional you understand.

The road from Heaven to Hereford

Apparently, hat tip Kali, there is an article about Wales in the current edition of "Mental Floss".

Linda Rodriguez reports that "in Wales, teens loiter in castles, men outrun horses, and reality TV shows are about coal miners. Wales may be a part of the U.K., but it's got a culture all its own."

That, frankly doesn't begin to cover it. See The Bank Manager and the Holy Grail: Travels in the Weirder Reaches of Wales -

Here is the story of Kaiser Wilhelm's holiday in a small Welsh spa town shortly before the outbreak of the Great War, and of the Welsh waxwork museum largely peopled by countless effigies of Prince Philip discarded by Madame Tussaud's. There is the true story of how a project to ensure the survival of the Welsh language came to involve the translation of pornographic novels, and the equally true story of how Kurt Cobain came to meet Courtney Love - in the one nightclub in Newport, South Wales. And there is the utterly baffling tale of how the Holy Grail temporarily came to be in the safe keeping of the manager of Lloyds Bank in Aberystwyth.

That said, a free LLAP Goch lesson to anyone who can get me the Mental Floss missive.

La Dolce Vita

"The Lord accepts all and as the Lord said: "I have come for sinners not the just,'" a Cappuccin friar at the shrine near Foggia in southern Italy, told La Repubblica

In Italy, this means "mildly contrite Silvio Berlusconi woos the church with a nod and a wink."

In England, it plays as "Church tells worshippers to give special treatment to overweight or bald people."

"Vive le difference!" say I, affecting mercurial, non-sequiturial French, but God knows no-one ever accused Anglicans of having style.

Lillian Boutté

On the music scene for more than 30 years Lillian is a monument to Jazz, Gospel and R&B. She has performed and recorded with a myriad of legendary musicians including Harry 'Sweets' Edison, Dr. John, Professor Longhair, Clark Terry and our own Humphrey Lyttleton. Named "New Orleans Musical Ambassador" in 1986, she was only the second jazz legend in the city's history to be accorded this honour - the first being Louis Armstrong.

Lillian Boutté was on at AbbeyFest last night. Very cool indeed.

You can listen to her on Spotify.

Jalebi

The Bomber having conceived a taste for Indian confectionery we picked up some jalebi at Royal Sweets in (the none-more-Asian) Tooting on the way to judo last night (for consumption afterwards).

Here's the run down from Wikipedia:

Jalebi or zalebi (Urdu: جلیبی, Hindi: जलेबी, Punjabi: ਜਲੇਬੀ jalebī; Bengali: জিলাপী jilapi; Persian: زولبیا zoolbiah) is a South Asian fried sweet. It is made by deep-frying batter in a kind of pretzel shape then soaked in syrup. Zlebia is a Middle Eastern and North African sweet introduced during Muslim rule of South Asia and its local name is Jalebi as Z is replaced by J in most Indian languages.

.....

In India it is served as the Celebration Sweet of India especially during the national holidays like Independence Day and Republic Day in the government offices, defence and other organisations. Similarly, Jalebi is one of the most popular sweets in Pakistan. Jalebi is also sometimes spelt as "Jalibi".

....

The Persian word for Jalebi is "zoolbiah." In Egypt, Lebanon and Syria it is known as "zalabia" (sometimes spelt as "zalabiya"). In the Maldives it is known by the name "zilēbi". This sweet is called "jeri" in Nepal, a word derived from jangiri, and the Mogul Emperor Jahangir.

In Morocco, Algeria and Tunisia this sweet is known as Zlebia or Zlabia.

"To see the world in a grain of sand."

The Worm that Turned

Parliament has spoken:

The range of news programmes for English-language speakers in Wales is under serious threat and key decisions about future programming must be made, says a report published today by the Welsh Affairs Committee.

I find the notion of English as some sort of threatened minority language hilarious.

We're all victims now I suppose.

Another list

the worst are full of passionate intensity.

Lord Mandelson (see rants passim) now sits on the following Cabinet committees:

• National Economic Council
• Better Regulation
• Democratic Renewal Council
• Domestic Policy Council (which he deputy chairs)
• Domestic Affairs
• Borders and Migration
• Communities and Equalities
• Food
• Families, Children and Young People
• Health and Wellbeing
• Justice and Crime
• Local Government and the Regions (which he chairs)
• Public Engagement and the Delivery of Services
• Life Chances
• Talent and Enterprise
• Economic Development
• Environment and Energy
• Housing, Planning and Regeneration
• Olympic and Paralympic Games
• Productivity, Skills and Employment
• Constitution
• National Security, International Relations and Development
• Europe
• Overseas and Defence
• Africa
• Afghanistan and Pakistan
• Trade
• Protective Security and Resilience
• Public Services and Public Expenditure
• Public Sector Pay and Pensions
• Pandemic Influenza Planning
• Post Office Network (which he chairs)
• Flood planning
• PM's ad hoc Committee on International Climate Change
• PM's ad hoc International Climate Change Negotiations

Desperate

The BBC is starting to show 'Desperate Romantics' tonight. A "throbbing" bodice ripper about the Pre-Raphaelites.

In an unhappily synchronicitous development I've learned that our local 'De Morgan Centre for the Study of 19th Century Art and Society' is closing down on Saturday.

I'll have to try and get along to see it some time this week, giddy social whirl notwithstanding.

I remember Mark, the antique furniture restorer, recommending it to me a couple of years ago.

The story of 'Mark and the quarter of a million pound commode' will have to wait for another day.

100 Essential Skills for Geeks

Chicks will dig it if you (hat tip Simon B) can:

1. Properly secure a wireless router.


2. Crack the WEP key on a wireless router.


3. Leech Wifi from your neighbor.


4. Screw with Wifi leeches.


5. Setup and use a VPN.


6. Work from home or a coffee shop as effectively as you do at the office.


7. Wire your own home with Ethernet cable.


8. Turn a web camera into security camera.


9. Use your 3G phone as a Wi-Fi access point.


10. Understand what “There’s no Place Like 127.0.0.1” means.


11. Identify key-loggers.


12. Properly connect a TV, Tivo, XBox, Wii, and Apple TV so they all work together with the one remote.


13. Program a universal remote.


14. Swap out the battery on your iPod/iPhone.


15. Benchmark Your Computer


16. Identify all computer components on sight.


17. Know which parts to order from NewEgg.com, and how to assemble them into a working PC.


18. Troubleshoot any computer/gadget problem, over the phone.


19. Use any piece of technology intuitively, without instruction or prior knowledge.


20. How to irrecoverably protect data.


21. Recover data from a dead hard drive.


22. Share a printer between a Mac and a PC on a network.


23. Install a Linux distribution. (Hint: Ubuntu 9.04 is easier than installing Windows)


24. Remove a virus from a computer.


25. Dual (or more) boot a computer.


26. Boot a computer off a thumb drive.


27. Boot a computer off a network drive.


28. Replace or repair a laptop keyboard.


29. Run more than two monitors on a single computer.


30. Successfully disassemble and reassemble a laptop.


31. Know at least 10 software easter eggs off the top of your head.


32. Bypass a computer password on all major operating systems. Windows, Mac, Linux


33. Carrying a computer cleaning arsenal on your USB drive.


34. Bypass content filters on public computers.


35. Protect your privacy when using a public computer.


36. Surf the web anonymously from home.


37. Buy a domain, configure bind, apache, MySQL, php, and Wordpress without Googling a how-to.


38. Basic *nix command shell knowledge with the ability to edit and save a file with vi.


39. Create a web site using vi.


40. Transcode a DVD to play on a portable device.


41. Hide a file in an image using steganography.


42. Knowing the answer to life, the universe and everything.


43. Share a single keyboard and mouse between multiple computers without a KVM switch.


44. Google obscure facts in under 3 searches. Bonus point if you can use I Feel Lucky.


45. Build amazing structures with LEGO and invent a compelling back story for the creation.


46. Understand that it is LEGO, not Lego, Legos, or Lego’s.


47. Build a two story house out of LEGO, in monochrome, with a balcony.


48. Construct a costume for you or your kid out of scraps, duct tape, paper mâché, and imagination.


49. Be able to pick a lock.


50. Determine the combination of a Master combination padlock in under 10 minutes.


51. Assemble IKEA furniture without looking at the instructions. Bonus point if you don’t have to backtrack.


52. Use a digital SLR in full manual mode.


53. Do cool things to Altoids tins.


54. Be able to construct paper craft versions of space ships.


55. Origami! Bonus point for duct tape origami. (Ductigami)


56. Fix anything with duct tape, chewing gum and wire.


57. Knowing how to avoid being eaten by a grue.


58. Know what a grue is.


59. Understand where XYZZY came from, and have used it.


60. Play any SNES game on your computer through an emulator.


61. Burn the rope.


62. Know the Konami code, and where to use it.


63. Whistle, hum, or play on an iPhone, the Cantina song.


64. Learning to play the theme songs to the kids favorite TV shows.


65. Solve a Rubik’s Cube.


66. Calculate THAC0.


67. Know the difference between skills and traits.


68. Explain special relativity in terms an eight-year-old can grasp.


69. Recite pi to 10 places or more.


70. Be able to calculate tip and split the check, all in your head.


71. Explain that the colours in a rainbow are roygbiv.


72. Understand the electromagnetic spectrum - xray, uv, visible, infrared, microwave, radio.


73. Know the difference between radiation and radioactive contamination.


74. Understand basic electronics components like resistors, capacitors, inductors and transistors.


75. Solder a circuit while bottle feeding an infant. (lead free solder please.)


76. The meaning of technical acronyms.


77. The coffee dash, blindfolded (or blurry eyed). Coffee <brew> [cream] [sugar]. In under a minute.


78. Build a fighting robot.


79. Program a fighting robot.


80. Build a failsafe into a fighting robot so it doesn’t kill you.


81. Be able to trace the Fellowship’s journey on a map of Middle Earth.


82. Know all the names of the Dwarves in The Hobbit.


83. Understand the difference between a comic book and a graphic novel.


84. Know where your towel is and why it is important.


85. Re-enact the parrot sketch.


86. Know the words to The Lumberjack Song.


87. Reciting key scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.


88. Be able to recite at least one Geek Movie word for word.


89. Know what the 8th Chevron does on a Stargate and how much power is required to get a lock.


90. Be able to explain why it’s important that Han shot first.


91. Know why it is just wrong for Luke and Leia to kiss.


92. Stop talking Star Wars long enough to get laid.


93. The ability to name actors, characters and plotlines from the majority of sci-fi movies produced since 1968.


94. Cite Mythbusters when debunking a myth or urban legend.


95. Sleep with a Cricket bat next to your bed.


96. Have a documented plan on what to do during a zombie or robot uprising.


97. Identify evil alternate universe versions of friends, family, co-workers or self.


98. Be able to convince TSA that the electronic parts you are carrying are really not a threat to passengers.


99. Talk about things that aren’t tech related.


100. Get something on the front page of Digg.

Pastel

Three years on from wondering at the number of Brazilians on Colliers Wood, we have Brazilian friends. And so it came to pass that we met up with them yesterday in Abbey Mills at the stall selling pastels and guarana juice.

According to the vendors, the crisp rectangular fried pastry that is Brazil's pastel was introduced by Japanese immigrants and evolved into its present form when that tradition collided with Italian fillings and flavours.

I love all this cosmopolitan mingling. As I noted before, "the first esoteric fact that I ever learned on the World Wide Web was that tempura came from the Portuguese influence on Japanese food ."

The Bomber's pastel with pizza filling was educational.

Tuva

Have a brainy weekend with Richard Feynman courtesy of Bill Gates.

The School of Life

A website stumbler-upon (rather than a graduate of) The School of Life thinks it me to a tee.

Shall we give it a whirl?

Action to the word

Action to the Word Theatre Company's Romeo and Juliet takes William Shakespeare's masterpiece and drags it into the 21st century in a promenade performance that will see the audience moving with the cast throughout Merton Abbey Mills.

We saw it last night and it was brilliant. You can still catch it tonight, Saturday or Sunday, but not tomorrow because the jazz is on.

Luminescents

Applying principles from Heston B's Family Food the other night, I determined slowly to roast a chicken, turn the oven off at bedtime and then retrieve a perfect fowl in the morning.

Unfortunately I forgot and left it on, so I woke to a house pervaded by a perfectly foul acrid smell and a carbonised chicken.

Seeking freshness I tried Abbey Mills' Luminscents (whence previously I had not ventured) and was recommended may chang oil.

Apparently you can vapourise it by dropping a little onto the bottom of a warmed oven or by spreading a drip on a light bulb, but I bought a pillar oil burner.

I tried it out last night and it worked a treat.

The Adventures of Mr Thake

In 1924, writer JB Morton adopted the name Beachcomber and began a humorous column in the Daily Express which was to run for more than 50 years.

Reading about the odd lives of Beachcomber's characters – whether they were nonsensical, puritanical, pompous or simply insane – became part of the ritual of breakfast throughout the land.

A typical example of Beachcomber's gift for creating what GK Chesterton described as "a huge thunderous wind of elemental and essential laughter," is Mr Thake.

Out of print since the Thirties, The Adventures Of Mr Thake is a collection of letters to Beachcomber read for this BBC Radio 4 series by actor Leslie Phillips. The character, Oswald Bletisloe Hattersley Thake, was depicted as an upper-class twit. Described affectionately as "a caricature of his nation", Thake never quite understands what is happening to him, or why.

Pause for 15 minutes at 3:30pm for the next three days to get your dose from the talking-type wireless. If you can't I am sure www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer will take the strain for a later listen.

Dad Longworth

Karl Malden (see icons passim) died earlier this month. I prized him greatly for his work with Marlon Brando in A Streetcare Named Desire and On The Waterfront.

He also appeared in One-Eyed Jacks, the only film Brando ever directed. I've never seen it, but I found it yesterday on YouTube, free and official at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k26yb93rjos.

The Chap Olympiad 2009

I went to the India Landscape and the British Museum yesterday, and was a bit underwhelmed to be perfectly frank.

Drowning my sorrows in the boozer I noticed two girls dressed up in what looked like 1940s schmutter. One was costumed along the the lines of Rosie the Riveter, while the other had gone in a higher maintenance Rita Hayworth direction.

When I enquired, they told me that they had just been to the Chap Olympics, and that although the competitions in "Three-Trousered Limbo, Moustache Wrestling, Quill Throwing, Umbrella Jousting and Bounders" were finished the evening promised a "live swing band, several burlesque turns and a man impersonating a Spitfire."

Unfortunately the postprandial dip occasioned by refuelling at the Italian Kitchen (as well as a keen professional interest in strong continental lager) seemed to have impaired my sense of directions and I couldn't find it.

There is always next year I suppose.

Jim Shannon was there, and you can see his photos on http://www.flickr.com/photos/jimshannon/tags/thechapolympiad2009/.

You've got someone to blame

In a continuing series, the Monarch comes to Twitter.

http://twitter.com/BritishMonarchy

Radio Me

AbbeyFest jazz begins tonight. As I have been sproggling for a while now the soundtrack in the office from downing tools until the live music starts will be Radio Me.

One from the coal face

Myself: We've been running the auction site for years and the SSL key is still only 512. When renewing the certificate on IIS, how can I increase my CSR key size in IIS 6 without removing my existing certificate?

Prodnose: When you renew a certificate the CSR that is created will retain all of the exact details that were set when the certificate was first set up. This includes the key size of the certificate. You can't remove the existing certificate using IIS and recreate the CSR details using the Certificate Wizard because that action will take your website down on port 443 during this process.

Myself: Well we can't do that then. Analysis please Mr. Data.

Prodnose: You could create a 'dummy' website in IIS. This website can be a blank default. Once this has been done, you will then need to create a new CSR for that 'dummy' website, allowing you to change the key size. When you receive your certificate file, install it onto the dummy website as normal. You can now assign the certificate from the dummy website to the production website with no downtime. Once you have done this, you can simply delete the 'dummy' website.

Myself: Make it so.

Blanket Coverage

As for yesterday's Michael Jackson hoopla, I offer you "ersatz": being a usually artificial and inferior substitute or imitation.

Useful synonyms include faux and knock off.

You may also consider "The President's Speech" from The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks, 1985, about a ward of aphasiacs and agnosiacs listening to and laughing at a speech given by an unnamed actor-president, "the old Charmer," presumably Ronald Reagan. For, 'one can lie with the mouth,' Nietzsche writes, 'but with the accompanying grimace one nevertheless tells the truth.'

Keep Reading

As chaos reigns in Kashgar, I remember from reading 'The New Great Game' (extract) that China's Xingxang province has a border with Afghanistan.

It seems that a significant spark of the trouble was a bust up between ethnic Han Chinese and Uighur migrant workers in Guangdong.

Guangdong! That's Canton (as in Cantonese) down by Hong Kong. It's an outrageous distance away from Xingxang.

The world is more complicated than the tabloids would have us believe, so we need to keep reading and thinking for ourselves.

TweetCraft

I came across TweetCraft on the Twitter blog.

TweetCraft is an in-game Twitter client for World of Warcraft. TweetCraft can:

• Send/receive Tweets in-game (Immediate sending reloads your UI)
• Queue Tweets to send when it's more convenient for you
• Upload in-game screenshots using TwitPic
• AutoTweet when you log in, enter an instance or get an achievement
• Extensible so that AddOn authors can register messages or events to AutoTweet

The Bomber is always chatting to me about his WoW achievements, mostly to my utter bewilderment. This could be a good way for us to keep in touch about his progess, old WoW plugin hands that we are.

This 'Coding for Fun' article on how it works is worth reading as well in light of our own Twitter API development.

National Fishing Week

The Bomber and I fished the Wandle yesterday. We saw a lot of fish (including a giant carp) even if we didn't catch any.

I always thought of angling as rather a solitary pastime, but yesterday was very social. All sorts of passersby stopped to shoot the breeze, ask how we were doing and tell their own stories of rod and reel.

(It seems we just missed National Fishing Week - http://www.nationalfishingweek.co.uk/ )

I Am Jack's Raging Bile Duct

As the tidewater recedes, Fight Club is coming into relief as one of the very best films of the 90s.

This, however, does not mean it is a good idea to wake up on a weekend morning, quaff the warm remnants of last night's lager, crack open a fresh Stella and start watching Tyler, Marla and company in your dressing gown.

That said, I have found the principles of the Fight Club drinking game widely applicable to life in general.

Take a shot:

1. If someone starts (yourself included) starts musing about death
2. Whenever "bitch tits" are mentioned
3. Anytime someone mentions "the first rule"
4. Whenever someone says "Tyler Durden"
5. At the mention of the names "Rupert", "Cornelius", or "Travis"

Which reminds me, Clancy Martin. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else .

1st Mon

The Bomber got his first mon grading at judo last night and is a pleased as punch.

I was shooting the breeze with Darren while Ben was getting changed, and asked him why there was a Brazilian flag on the wall of the dojo. He said that the club had some sort of relationship with a Brazilian Jiu-jitsu club and that he'd been training in BJJ himself that morning.

There's really a lot of cross discipline work going on. He told me that one of the seniors is boxing at the Roger Gracie Vie Academy as well as doing judo. That's the same place where Johnny - Ben's Kru - is the muay Thai instructor.

Round and round and round it goes.

Prodnose: Goodness me, there's a lot of testosterone in here today.

Myself: I guess so. Did I tell you that Adam is fighting in Thailand on Saturday?

Coo What a Scorcher!

BBC: The Met Office has raised its heatwave alert level in parts of England, as hot and humid conditions look set to continue until Friday.

London and the South East are now on Level 3 of four, with temperatures set to reach at least 32C (89.6F)

Myself: Oh Fiona! This heat. I can't stand it any longer. This interminable heat is enough to drive a man out of his mind.

Fiona: Steady Charles- you're losing your grip.

Myself: I can't stand it any longer! I can't! (SHOUTS) I can't!

F/X: FACE SLAP

Myself: (SUDDENLY CALM) Thank you Fiona. I deserved that. Oh darling Fiona!

Betty Marsden: Oh darling Charles.

Myself: Oh darling darling Fiona

Betty Marsden: Oh darling darling darling Charles!

Myself: Holding you like this I feel something I don't quite understand.

Betty Marsden: I don't quite understand it either. And yet, I sense it, somehow.

Myself: I somehow sense it too.

Betty Marsden: I'm glad you sense it. It makes it better- for both of us somehow- knowing.

Myself: I know

Betty Marsden: I know you know

Myself: I know you know I know.

Betty Marsden: Yes. I know. Oh Charles- what's wrong?

Myself: Oh I don't know. It's just this damned heat. Oh Fiona, how I hate having to meet you furtively like this. Suppose someone were to find us out?

Betty Marsden: Who would ever think of looking for us here? In this damp, steamy hell. Charles - there's someone there - crouching behind that Palm Tree - see, there - that small, swarthy man in a loin cloth. Look he's coming over.

Myself: It's all right Fiona. I'll handle him. I speak his language you know. All right- what do you want you grinning devil?

Prodnose: (FOR IT IS HE) Governor's respects sir, but he says ladies aren't allowed in the Turkish Bath.

Spare the rod

The Bomber claims to have become an accomplished angler in Florida, even cooking and consuming some of his catch after getting the bug down in Wales in 2006.

We were talking to a guy fishing on the Wandle on Sunday. All you have to do is buy a license from the Post Office and you're away.

That should be this weekend's project.

Argos will have to take the strain for tackle, as his last rod (I kid you not) "burned down".

Deep, deep, down

Carrying on from yesterday, reading for background in Iran reminded me that I was finishing off The Smile of Murugan: A South Indian Journey as the bloody conflict in Sri Lanka was playing itself out.

That made me conceive of background to it in terms of the Tamil diaspora and the Chola dynasty; of a millennium or more, not decades.

"This one will run and run," as Fergus might have said.

(It also helped me to get some sort of handle on Rama and Hanuman turning up in the names of muay Thai techniques.)

Neda

Four years on I am rereading "Reading Lolita in Tehran" to try and get some sort of fix on Iran.

It is, in light of the death of Neda Agha-Soltan, almost unbearably poignant.

You could also try watching 'Persopolis'.

My advice for today is not to be a woman in Persia.

That's a cracker

I can't remember where I got this tip, but a foolproof way to finish off your pork cracking is to remove the rind from the joint after cooking and stick it in the microwave for a couple of minutes.

It save all the aggravation of starting or finishing your roast a very high temperature.

The Power of Personal Metrics

Using a flood of new tools and technologies, each of us now has the ability to easily collect granular information about our lives—what we eat, how much we sleep, when our mood changes.

I love all this stuff. To easily collect; to boldly go (sic.)

Boy George Michael Jackson Browne: End of an era

Indian defence scientists are planning to put one of the world's hottest chilli powders into hand grenades.

They say the devices will be used to control rioters and in counter-insurgency operations.

Researchers say the idea is to replace explosives in small hand grenades with a certain variety of red chilli to immobilise people without killing them.

The chilli, known as Bhut Jolokia, is said to be 1,000 times hotter than commonly used kitchen chilli.

..........................

Australian wallabies are eating opium poppies and creating crop circles as they hop around "as high as a kite", a government official has said.

Lara Giddings, the attorney general for the island state of Tasmania, said the kangaroo-like marsupials were getting into poppy fields grown for medicine.

She was reporting to a parliamentary hearing on security for poppy crops.

Roar with the social lion

The Bomber is going to a birthday party after school today so he's not staying with me tonight.

Yesterday at the theatre the Profit Burglar shrewdly pointed out that this means I am free to go to the comedy at GJ's.

That'll be twice in three months if I make it.

What larks.

15% of the Seagull

Join us for an evening of new comedy accompanied by a free glass of Pimm's on Wednesday the 24th of June at The Colour House.

That's where I'll be this evening at least. You should come too. It may be great, it may be lousy, but at least they are in there swinging. Theatre on the doorstep; use it or lose it.

There Goes Ryman Pieman

Myself: Yesterday it was my birthday
I hung one more year on the line
I should be depressed
My life's a mess
But I'm having a good time.

Prodnose: So it was! A belated Happy Birthday amigo.

Myself: Maybe I'm laughing my way to disaster
Maybe my race has been run
Maybe I'm blind to the fate of mankind
But what can be done?

Prodnose: Repeat and fade?

Myself: Repeat and fade? Why not? A forbidding, fatalistic philosophy but not without consolation.

The entire company (repeating and fading): Have a good time
Have a good time
Have a good time
Have a good time

...........

The Ginger Geezer (unconvinced in spite of our protestations): Are you having a good time? I sure am. Do you like soul music?

Myself: No

Ginger Geezer: Well, do the trouser press, baby! One, two three!

Myself: Trouser press fever!
Prodnose: Whooh! Whooh!

Myself: Trouser press fever!
Prodnose: Whooh! Whooh!

Myself: Trouser press fever!
Prodnose: Whooh! Whooh!

Myself: Trouser press fever!
Prodnose: Whooh! Whooh!

Myself: Trouser press fever!
Prodnose: Whooh! Whooh!

Myself (normal service having been resumed): The programme you have been listening to is a one-act play in eight parts by G. G. Dunnett for eighteen albatrosses and reservoir. The part of Old Bill was played by a frying pan. The other part of Old Bill was played by Sir Rupert Carpet who found a pair of swimming trunks on his head and was surprised... fades out without repetition.....

Still here

All right thinking people tip their caps to Whit Stillman.

Here's an interview with him about making the great 'Metropolitan' available free in the US on Hulu.

We can't get that in the UK, but we can get the movie on BBC IPlayer free for the rest of the week.

I imagine these developments are not unrelated.

Bring on his follow up, 'Barcelona':

Ted: Spanish girls tend to be really promiscuous.
Fred: You're such a prig.
Ted: No, I wasn't using "promiscuous" pejoratively. It's just a fact. They have completely different attitudes toward sex.
Fred: Well, I wasn't using "prig" pejoratively.

It was a gas

I'm back from a successful London to Brighton Bike ride, including cresting the Ditchling Beacon without walking on the way up.

Didn't get to use my Ultraflatable2 though. Man they were pushing on an open door selling me that.

The Girl Can't Help It

September 30 will be the fiftieth anniversady of Jayne Mansfield opening the Chiswick flyover.

Miss Mansfield was driven to the flyover from Borehamwood film studios, in Hertfordshire, by limousine and cut a red ribbon with gold-plated scissors to open the road.

The glamour of the M4 motorway, oh my brothers, and its many notable junctions.

Myself: Contrary to popular belief, junction 39 does exist. However, it consists of a single slip road completing the missing movement onto the westbound carriageway from the A48 at junction 38, thus there is no exit from the motorway at this junction.

Prodnose: You don't say?

A Good Sport

Winston Gordon helped take the Bomber's judo class last night. He's an Olympian and the 2009 British Judo Open Champion in the 90kg class.

My eight year old is five weeks into his judo career. I think it's a great advert for the sport that an elite player like Gordon takes time out to to bring on kids like him.

Twit

"The U.S. State Department said on Tuesday it had contacted the social networking service Twitter to urge it to delay a planned upgrade that would have cut daytime service to Iranians who are disputing their election."

These are strange times. I wonder where the cards will fall.

Here is a contrary view.

All this and heaven too

AbbeyFest is nearly upon us for another year, and we're sponsoring it again.

As ever you are all invited to come along and have a drink with us at the free jazz on Friday evenings see http://www.colourhousetheatre.co.uk/abbeyfest/jazzshows.asp


Myself: Recent encounters with structuralist and poststructuralist critical theory, linguistics, and cognitive sciences have brought the theory and analysis of music into the orbit of important developments in present-day intellectual history. Without seeking to impose an explicit redefinition of either theory or analysis, these performances will explore the limits of both while addressing decidability, ambiguity, metaphor, music as text, and music analysis as cognitive theory.

Prodnose: Nice.

The Quickening

Highlander II in a nutshell:

Louise Marcus: Okay, now let me just see if I can get this straight. You come from another planet, and you're mortal there, but you're immortal here until you kill all the guys from there who have come here... and then you're mortal here... unless you go back there, or some more guys from there came here, in which case you become immortal here... again.

Conner MacLeod: Something like that.

Myself: Are we clear?

Prodnose: Crystal.

Disraeli Gears

I took my bike in for a service on Saturday. I'd always intended to have it gone over before London/Brighton, but my hand was forced by difficulty moving down from 2 to 1 on my front cogs during my last training ride. This is important as there be hills 'twixt here and there.

It turns out that through indolence I have chain stretch which has been left untreated for long enough for my rear sprockets to be worn as well.

Replacing worn sprocket cassettes and chainrings after missing the chain replacement window is much more expensive than simply replacing a worn chain in the first place.

Likely bill approx £100.

how express and admirable

Following on from yesterday's post, I found a picture of Ben from a year ago in my log.

I think that there is a story - involving a boy, his mother and a wise man - that may go some of the way to explaining why I train regularly.

"I can't get my little boy to stop eating sugar," complained the mother when granted an audience.

"Come back and see me in two weeks," replied the wise man.

Disappointed, the mother departed, but two weeks later, she dutifully returned with her son.

"Stop eating sugar," said the wise man to the little boy.

"Why did we have to wait two weeks for that?"

"Because," the wise man said, "I had to give up sugar myself."

Moving on

I find that I have two snatched phone videos of the Bomber doing the same thing two years apart.

Uploaded April 2007:

Uploaded June 2009:

They sure grow up quickly.

P.S. The odd soundtracks are from YouTube's AudioSwap facility. Recommended tracks 1 and 2. Go figure.

More in Sorrow than Anger

WASHINGTON (AP) — The violence that has surged for two years in Afghanistan reached a new high last week, and more difficulty lies ahead, the commander of U.S. troops in the Middle East said Thursday.
Gen. David Petraeus said the number of attacks in Afghanistan over the last week hit the highest level since the December 2001 fall of the Taliban.

That would be the Afghanistan where our deployment might be completed without a shot fired in anger according to John Reid all those years ago.

A Hot Verifying Dreamboat

World record for most people dressed as Smurfs in Swansea.

The Welsh city was turned blue as a group of 2,510 people, the majority of whom were students from the local university, crammed into the Oceana nightclub to almost double the previous record.

My land, my alma mater, my goodness.

Face Facts

With reluctance -and now that she has been revealed as the new smokey eyed, Mario Testino lensed, face of Burberry - I have decided to downgrade the whole Emma Watson thing you've got going on from pervy to dirty old man.

It's still disreputable, but no longer necessarily a matter for the police.

The Parable of the Talents

Matthew 25:23

His master said to him, 'Well done, good and trustworthy servant! Since you have been trustworthy with a small amount, I will put you in charge of a large amount. Come and share your master's joy!'

In a nutshell, the reason why the MPs' expenses scandal is so devastating to our political system is that character is a key issue in public life for the simple reason that we have to trust our representatives to make important decisions on our behalf.

If you can't rely on these thumb-on-the scales merchants not to cheat on their out-of-pockets, you certainly can't rely on them to decide about the future of our nuclear deterrent or the National Health Service.

Neither can you trust them not to misuse personal data to smear, sully and taint anyone (me and you included) who happens to get in their way, with the same malicious and cavalier vulgarity with which they plot against and undermine each other.

ID cards anyone?

Living Well is the Best Revenge

Andy and I are training for the London to Brighton bike ride in Richmond Park. (It is almost exactly 10km a lap.)

On Saturday we broke camp and stopped for lunch with Ollie and their two children plus the Bomber at Pembroke Lodge. I had no idea it was there.

In the gardens is King Henry's Mound, with an extraordinary protected view of St Paul's Cathedral in the City of London over 10 miles away. We were pointing the telescope 180 degress in the wrong direction looking west insted of east trying to find it, when Mark Ellen (known to the world as the co-presenter of Live Aid), who was taking a break on a bench with his bike propped up, put us straight.

Funny old world.

Social Media Round Up

Sadiq Khan (MP for Tooting just up the road) announces via Twitter "...I have been asked to be Minister of State for Transport and a Privy Councillor attending Cabinet on transport issues".

Two years ago I went up to see Adam's first fight in Birmingham. Now - via Facebook - I can follow him campaign in Thailand. Sad to see he lost yesterday.

Tess closed her art school and went travelling last year (she is starting a job in the Caribbean next month), but again via Facebook (as she's Dutch) I can still share a joke when Holland beat England at cricket.

I was very sniffy about Facebook and Twitter at first.

Lardy Da

I voted this week, and apparently I was right when I thundered "vote-for-Foulenough-and-duty-free-lard" in the last election.

According to Slate, there is a new wonder food: "Lard has clearly won the health debate".

Alvy Singer: Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.

Picture This

21st Century children that they are, Ben and Prash have dug up the British Judo Grading syllabus online and started boning up by pumping the names of techniques into YouTube to watch demos like this.

Fair enough and good for them, and it struck me that technology is now cheap and ubiquitous enough to make video part of training. It would be very simple to record them trying things out and then play their efforts back to them.

However, Sport England came to take some photos of the class in the dojo the other day and had to go through all the bureaucratic rigmarole of getting parents to sign releases for them to be able to use the pictures. What's the point of that? I'm bemused. How does all this sort of stuff protect anyone?

It certainly implies you might as well give up before you start using video in coaching kids.

Something will have to give the era of Microsoft Natal.

London to Brighton

I've managed to get a late entry for the London to Brighton bike ride. 27,000 of us will pedal the 54 miles from the captial to the coast on June 21.

Since 1980 when the Britsh Heart Foundation first became involved with the London to Brighton Bike Ride, over 650,000 riders have taken part in the event and more than £40 million has been raised to help fund pioneering research research, patient care and vital information.

You can sponsor me online below if you like.

The old fish and soup

Myself (loudly and tunelessly): I'm Burlington Bertie I rise at ten thirty
And Buckingham Palace I view.
I stand in the yard while they're changing the guard
And the queen shouts across "Toodle oo"!
The Prince of Wales' brother along with some other
Slaps me on the back and says "Come and see Mother"
I'm Bert, Bert, and royalty's hurt,
When they ask me to dine I say .......... yes.

Prodnose: You went to lunch at Buckingham Palace yesterday then?

Myself: Yep

Prodnose: Didn't take me?

Myself: Nope. No imaginary friends allowed.

Prodnose: I see.

Myself: I'm a Welsh Born Icon, diacatholicon,
I'm ever so clever and droll.
So when the Equerry needs vocabulary
served up at the table I stroll
To Buckingham Palace, genus digitalis .........

Prodnose (coldly): Vulgarity and self-importance cannot be disguised by a torrent of words.

Search Me

I have added the new blogger search gadget on the left.

The interesting thing about it is that it returns results from pages to which I have linked as well as my own content.

If I update my blogroll with this, it can be configured to search that as well.

All grist to the mill.

Anatole of Paris

Sent into a reverie by the Telegraph headline "Carla Bruni named 'best hat wearer'" I decided to check out Microsoft's new Bing search engine and Wolfram Alpha on "Anatole of Paris".

Exhibit A: http://www.bing.com/search?q=anatole+of+paris&go=&form=QBLH&filt=all

Exhibit B: http://www16.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=anatole+of+paris

Google is still the best: http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=anatole+of+paris

Thank you and goodnight

Myself: I screamed a scream in time gone by, when hope was high and life worth living .......
Pierce: X
Amanda: X
Simon: X
Ant 'n Dec: But it's your votes at home that count.

It's not me, it's you

"I make multi-million $ decisions on a regular basis — why is it soooo
difficult to decide what to do with my hair?"

Time Magazine's "Twitter's Biggest Egos, Exposed" is required reading as an introduction to http://tweetingtoohard.com/top "where self important tweets get the recognition they deserve."

Unintentional comedy (or at least I think so) from the social media maelstrom.

Barack Obama's Facebook Feed is a deliberate pastiche, bit still very funny.

A Bleak Bloke

The Romanian philosopher EM Cioran remains one of the most difficult modern writers to come to terms with. With an aphoristic, charged, almost violent style, and a portfolio of subjects well outside our contemporary philosophical mainstream – despair, ecstasy, boredom, insanity, suicide, crime, illness, nothingness, music, sex, entropy, all considered as raw and immediate experiences, not as matters for academic investigation – he can seem like an atavist, a soul in permanent unarmed combat with the mores of enlightened society. “Annihilating,” he wrote in The Trouble with Being Born, “flatters something obscure, something original in us. It is not by erecting but by pulverising that we may divine the secret satisfactions of a god. Whence the lure of destruction and the illusions it provokes among the frenzied of any era.”

I never fail to be astonished by the people and things that we're apparently not supposed to laugh at.

Grumunkin

Last night as I was listening to Chris's Last FM radio station, and pondering how - sprogglewise - it would infect mine, I decided that he had done enough to earn his own anagram.

Henceforth then, Christopher Howell, with a nod towards his nautical bent, shall be the Whole Ship Chortler.

The Chortler joins the Bomber, The Burglar, and the Bear (who has his own category) in my descent into incomprehensibility. The final destination is incoherence.

Select something below to pipe him on board.

Amanda Grayson

When we were watching the new Star Trek movie a couple of weeks ago, the Bomber leaned over and whispered, "I think the ones with the pointy ears are the Treks and the other ones are the Stars." Trekkie lore is acquired a posteriori (sitting down in front of a screen) as opposed to a priori it seems.

I've only discovered since watching the film, that Spock's mother was played by Winona Ryder. (Plot spoiler: Anyone who can watch the scene in which she dies without laughing must have a heart of stone.)

But Winona Ryder as Spock's mother! Heathers was made 21 years ago? Dear me I feel old.

Myself: I had a similar shock in Trevor Nunn's acclaimed 2004 production of Hamlet at the Old Vic, in which Imogen Stubbs (a slip of a girl as far as I am concerned) played Gertrude.
Prodnose (adopting sarcastic Cambrian lilt): There's posh you are.

Driven to Distraction

You can read about "Twitter, Adderall, lifehacking, mindful jogging, power browsing, Obama’s BlackBerry, and the benefits of overstimulation" in New York Magazine, but The Profit Burglar is off sick and I have to gird my loins and get stuff done.

I have so many demands on my time that "12 Essential Rules to Live More Like a Zen Monk," will be more use than Twitter today.

1. Do one thing at a time. This rule (and some of the others that follow) will be familiar to long-time Zen Habits readers. It’s part of my philosophy, and it’s also a part of the life of a Zen monk: single-task, don’t multi-task. When you’re pouring water, just pour water. When you’re eating, just eat. When you’re bathing, just bathe. Don’t try to knock off a few tasks while eating or bathing. Zen proverb: “When walking, walk. When eating, eat.”


2. Do it slowly and deliberately. You can do one task at a time, but also rush that task. Instead, take your time, and move slowly. Make your actions deliberate, not rushed and random. It takes practice, but it helps you focus on the task.


3. Do it completely. Put your mind completely on the task. Don’t move on to the next task until you’re finished. If, for some reason, you have no choice but to move on to something else, try to at least put away the unfinished task and clean up after yourself. If you prepare a sandwich, don’t start eating it until you’ve put away the stuff you used to prepare it, wiped down the counter, and washed the dishes used for preparation. Then you’re done with that task, and can focus more completely on the next task.

Don't give up on lists of 12 items after the first three.

Britain's got talent

I am not proud, but I have succumbed.

John Roberts

Here's a good popular piece on John Roberts, Chief Justice of the United States, and perhaps George W's most robust contribution to American public life

......... Obama has at most one more chance to take the oath of office, and Roberts will probably have a half-dozen more opportunities to get it right

Strategy Tax

10 months into netbooks, I have given up on Linux and gone back to Windows XP. I just got fed up of not being able to run stuff like the motionbased agent, Nokia PC Suite etc. with out messing about with WINE.

Ironically it is just as Chris has launched himself into the self same territory.

I am deliberately sneaking the story out on a weekend.

Merantau

A Welsh guy is putting the finishing touches to an Indonesian action movie. (Thanks to Chris for the tip-off.) You can even follow him doing it on Twitter at http://twitter.com/ghuwevans.

It all seems so remarkable and unlikely that I am hugging myself in my mind. I wish it Tony Jaa 'Ong Bak' breakout levels of success.

Sproggling

I'm falling in love with music all over again with Spotify.

It sproggles everything I play over to www.lastfm.com where they are arranged into a library. I think that you can listen to a "radio station" based on it at http://www.last.fm/listen/user/NickBrowne/personal.

What an extraordinary thing that is. There is much to think about in social media.

Expensive (formerly thoughtful?)

I got an email from Siobhan McDonagh, my MP over the weekend. She said:

I talk to many people each week but you are all too polite to ask me any details about my expenses.

That is why I want to make it clear I do not claim anything at all for my mortgage, property maintenance, furniture or food. I pay all these myself.

Under the rules, I could claim for a second home, but I won’t, and I never have – my only home is the same one in Colliers Wood where I have lived since before I was elected in 1997. The only personal expense I re-claim is for transport.

Here's the skinny from her website on her personal expenses, explaining with regard to transport:

I do claim petrol and fares to cover the costs of undertaking my parliamentary work. This includes travelling to various agencies, and going to meetings and other events on behalf of residents. I am not permitted to claim for the congestion charge.

I think that she should be able to claim the congestion charge, making me possible the only person in the country who thinks the system partially unfair to Members of Parliament.

Anyway, she appears to be on the side of the angels which is all to the good.

There is an interactive heat map of MPs' expenses at http://msn.shoothill.com/ which is well worth a look.

Comment is superfluous

I met Enoch Powell once. Here is a photo of him on a po-go stick from 1962.