Hang it all

The Bomber has got a heavy bag and a speed ball in his room on my house, both of which are used from a wall mounted rack. I can remember that we have only had the speed ball for a couple of years, but the heavy bag seems to have been here forever.

Somewhat to my surprise I have never mentioned either of them writing here; and as a rule the 'blog is what I user to moor memories on a timeline. I can see from  my scribblings though that Ben did muay Thai from 2006 to 2009 before moving to judo, so the bag must have been here for at least a decade.

Nineteen next month he is talking about taking them away. Perhaps I will buy him this to hang them on.

don't threaten me with a good time

T-Swizzle (for it is she)

And now I love high tea, stories from Uni, and the West End

You can find me in the pub, we are watching rugby with his school friends

Show me a gray sky, a rainy cab ride

Babe, don't threaten me with a good time

They say home is where the heart is

But God, I love the English

I myself will not be loving the English when they play Ireland this weekend, but I must acknowledge (Swifty as I have been since my birthday last year) that these are good, observational, vernacular lyrics.

There is a great upcoming events poster in the Standard that doesn't have any upcoming events on it; the very essence of don't threaten me with a good time.

It keeps coming up (fnar)

Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel has won Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe" award. He took the title with the gag: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

It is from Falafel's show It's One Giant Leek For Mankind at the Pear Tree.

Last year he was third.

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott

"What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones

"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert

"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith

"Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith

"I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff

"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford

"To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons

"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham

No man is a hero to his valley

Nearly thirteen years later I met Uncle Simon, plus his Mrs and kids last night; nice people.

Kashmir

I don't know why but it just popped into my head that I am pretty sure that Ruth's dad was from Kashmir, making two of my nieces one quarter Kashmiri.

It shouldn't of course, but somehow this makes me much more interested in what is going on there.

It's not just me.

Spoke to my two good friends, Prime Minister Modi of India, and Prime Minister Khan of Pakistan, regarding Trade, Strategic Partnerships and, most importantly, for India and Pakistan to work towards reducing tensions in Kashmir. A tough situation, but good conversations!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 19, 2019

Sergey Kovalev vs. Anthony Yarde

Those of us who have never forgiven Sergey Kovalev for taking Nathan Cleverly's WBO light-heavyweight title in Cardiff in 2013, dearly hope that fellow Brit Anthony Yarde can beat the Russian in his hometown this weekend.

Right now, I wish I were a damned ranker, like Hook or Hitch.

I am as surprised as anyone else by the fact Wales are now the number one rugby team in the world. The possibility didn't enter my mind after the All Blacks destroying Australia 36-0 on Saturday to win the Bledisloe Cup.

It seems that Wales' 13-6 victory over England means they just squeezed past the All Blacks as they gained more ranking points for beating an England team who were higher in the rankings than the Wallabies.

It's the first time in a decade New Zealand will not be number one when the rankings are released on Monday morning.

https://www.world.rugby/rankings/mru is the link we will need tomorrow. It is still shoiwing last Monday's positions as I write.

The fold stands empty in the drownèd field,

We didn't go to see A Midsummer Night's Dream in Morden Hall Park last night because the weather was too bad.

Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain,

As in revenge, have sucked up from the sea

Contagious fogs, which falling in the land

Have every pelting river made so proud

That they have overborne their continents.

The ox hath therefore stretched his yoke in vain,

The ploughman lost his sweat, and the green corn

Hath rotted ere his youth attained a beard.

The fold stands empty in the drownèd field,

And crows are fatted with the murrain flock.

The nine-men’s-morris is filled up with mud,

And the quaint mazes in the wanton green

For lack of tread are undistinguishable.

The human mortals want their winter here.

No night is now with hymn or carol blessed.

Therefore the moon, the governess of floods,

Pale in her anger, washes all the air,

That rheumatic diseases do abound.

And thorough this distemperature we see

The seasons alter: hoary-headed frosts

Fall in the fresh lap of the crimson rose,

And on old Hiems' thin and icy crown

An odorous chaplet of sweet summer buds

Is, as in mockery, set. The spring, the summer,

The childing autumn, angry winter change

Their wonted liveries, and the mazèd world,

By their increase, now knows not which is which.

I am such a pretentious ponce. I admit it.

Eat. Race. Win.

I really enjoyed this Amazon Prime series. It is a very odd food/travelogue/sports documentary hybrid. I don't know if the disparate content will appeal to everyone. I might be the only member of its target demographic.

I clean my gun, and dream of Galveston.

Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.

That would be the time to bring out the Galvatron AK47 Tactical Pen. I don't know what I have done to make online advertising algorithms punt this kind of thing to me (The Unbreakable® Umbrella?) but punt they do.

Financial genius is a short memory in a bull market.

Torygraph

There was a time, many years ago, when Tumblr was one of the most exciting places on the internet. Those days are long gone now with millennials flocking to more exciting communities such as TikTok and Twitch.

But at its peak, the online blogging service had 20bn monthly page views. It was the go-to place to share photos, graphics and snippets of text. Barack Obama and Lady Gaga were keen users and the site brought in more monthly web traffic than Wikipedia and Twitter.

It was such hot property that Yahoo decided to buy for $1.1bn (£910m) in 2013. Today, however, page views have fallen to just 400m per month and this week the site was brought for less than $3m by Wordpress owner Automattic - just 0.27pc of its original price.

Pippa, my god daughter got a job with Yahoo in 2016, and came and stayed with me while she was finding her feet. It seems like no time ago, but it as long from then to now as it was from her employers buying Tumblr to her starting with them. Back of the envelope calculation the value of Tumblr decreased by about half a million dollars every single day.

It's not really related, but Europe's biggest data centre is a quarter of an hours drive from mum and dad's house. I am astounded. Should I be?

Fascinating visit to Europe’s largest data centre - NGD near Newport pic.twitter.com/u5kh1wkTrV

— Rory Cellan-Jones (@ruskin147) August 13, 2019

The Road Not Taken

I just got offered tickets fro Michael Franti and Spearhead in Camden's Jazz Cafe tonight but I can't make it. It is a pity as I haven't been along there for years. Maybe even since Boz Scaggs.

Cancel my subscription to the resurrection

I have been paying attention to David Berlinski and Ben Sasse lately.

I am almost certainly a lost cause in polite society.

Like I ever wasn't.

The Mad Gardener's Song

He thought he saw an Argument

That proved he was the Pope:

He looked again, and found it was

A Bar of Mottled Soap.

"A fact so dread," he faintly said,

"Extinguishes all hope!"

There was a brief shining moment after Australia beat New Zealand when Wales were the world number one. After losing to England this afternoon, normal service is restored and I am wearing grumble trousers.