Prepare For Glory

The World Cup still only seems like yesterday, but the Six Nations has rolled around again and Wales travel to Twickenham to take on England this weekend.

I've embedded a YouTube copy of the BBC's trailer for this year's competition above. It's almost a pastiche of the trailer for the movie 300 that came out over a year ago. If you also consider that "Meet the Spartans" - a 300 spoof - was number one at the US box office over the weekend, it is clear that the film has entered public consciousness - regardless of critical brickbats - to an extraordinary degree.

I wonder how many time schoolboys have kicked each other in the sternum shouting, "Madness? This is Sparta!" over the last twelve months.

Papa Hemingway's Dispatch from Thermopylae

He was laconic, he knew that. He had been born in Lacedaemonia so he had no choice. Some people talk about choice, but he had chosen. A wounded bull will know when it is time.

His name was Leonadis and it was dawn. His men knew about death in the afternoon. Today he would teach and then he would learn about dying at dawn.

He picked up his old shield. It was a good shield. Then he picked up his spear. There were shields that were new and good, and there were spears that were old and bad. His shield and his spear were both old and both good. That felt right..............

Sorry, I couldn't help it. Another in a continuing series.

The Graveyard of Ambition

As a regular exerciser (though unfortunately even keener eater and drinker) I was impressed like everyone else with how fit all the cast in the movie "300" looked. The miracle that is Google told me that a guy named Mark Twight trained them and led me to the website of his gym.

As I wrote before, the greatest transformation was accomplished by Swansea's own Vincent Regan - the Captain in the movie. See the pictures above from week 0, week 4, and week 8 of his training.

I was talking to John about this over the weekend when he was exerting us to greater efforts putting up his decking by shouting "Shpartans!" in a peculiar Scottish accent, and we have agreed that Vincent Regan is worthy to join his countrymen as an official Welsh Born Icon.

Gordon Ramsay at Thermopylae

Thousands from the fxxking Persian Empire in, yes?

Take one Persian.

Sword.

Stab.

Guts.

On the floor.

Still steaming.

Done.

Next.

Basic knife skills, big man.

Keep it simple.

[Screams at random hoplite]: Simple, you fxxking simple minded fxxker!

The above was triggered by the juxtaposition of the new series of The F-Word and my idle wondering about when the DVD of 300 might be out. (There's no date but you can get Amazon to email you when it is available here.)

Gordon Ramsay, Noel Coward and a limerick. I could get into rewriting this stirring take in different styles:

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that an Achaemenid king in possession of a large empire must be in want of a war ............

The Giddy Social Whirl

I went to see 300 last night and enjoyed it tremendously. I can see how some people might object to the film's portrayal of Xerxes as inhabiting a court essentially indistinguishable from a Prince video circa "Gett Off", but - hey - it's entertainment, read Tom Holland's 'Persian Fire' or even go back to Herodotus if you want instruction.

Massive parochial Welsh props go out to Swansea's Vincent Regan for his portrayal of Leonidas' right hand man:

We reinforced those who started with their own self-discipline but we could not give discipline to anyone who didn’t already have it. In the end Vincent Regan shed 40 pounds in eight weeks, and took his deadlift from less than bodyweight (205) to more than double-bodyweight (355). He could pull 85% of 1RM blindfolded and recite Shakespeare in the midst of the toughest training session

...... reported the guy who trained the actors. I have no idea at all of what pulling 85% of 1RM blindfolded while reciting Shakespeare is, but it does sound cool.

As for today, I've been for a run, I'm off to Dulwich to see the Canaletto in England exhibition this afternoon, thence to the Duchess Theatre for "Underneath the Lintel", before closing off the evening at Andy and Ollie's party.

SPARTARRGH

I'm very much looking forward to 300 opening in the UK this weekend.

Iranian TV is unimpressed however by the "shallow script" (you must follow this link and watch the review) of the "production by Zionists and a group of American extremists".

As an olive branch, and a nod to the 700 Thespians who also fought and died at Thermopylae, here's an idea of what Teddington's Noel Coward might have done with the story (even though I gather he might well have been perfectly happy with the spectacle of muscular men in leather underpants exerting themselves):

---

A balmy ancient evening on a balcony in Greece. An agitated KING LEONIDAS strides centre stage followed by his beautiful, but long suffering wife QUEEN GORGO.

LEONIDAS: I'm in such a rage.

GORGO: There's no need to be nasty.

LEONIDAS: Yes there is, every need. I've never in my life felt a greater urge to be nasty.

GORGO: And you've had some urges in your time, haven't you?

LEONIDAS: If you start bickering with me, Gorgo, I swear I'll throw you over the edge.

GORGO: Try it, that's all, just try it.

LEONIDAS: Ever since the first moment I was unlucky enough to set eyes on the Persian Ambassador, my life has been insupportable.

GORGO: Oh, do shut up, there's no sense in going on like that.

LEONIDAS: Nothing's any use. There's no escape, ever.

GORGO: Don't be melodramatic.

LEONIDAS [laconically]: I can see us all strolling down in the morning for an early start.

GORGO [weakly]: Lovely, oh lovely.

LEONIDAS: Glorious!

[They both laugh helplessly.]

GORGO: Will you eat first?

LEONIDAS: Terribly important, a good breakfast.

GORGO: Where will you dine?

LEONIDAS: Hades

GORGO: Very hot, Hades.

LEONIDAS: So they say. They say it’s hot.

GORGO: Hotter than the Hot Gates?

LEONIDAS [tenderly]: Hotter than the Hot Gates, my dearest darling.

300

I have decided to celebrate the new trailer for 300,a movie due next year about the Spartans by summarising Herodotus, and paraphrasing Simonides, in a limerick.

Leonidas' Royal Guard at Thermopylae
Met Xerxes' challenges stroppily.
The passer-by heartens
To "Go tell the Spartans,
Though dead we lie here we died properly."

Leonidas' nobility has always been a little tarnished for me by the fact that he told the helots that they were staying to die with their masters when he dismissed the rest of the army.

Luvvies should be delighted though that the Thespians stayed with the Spartans for their heroic last stand.