Gordon Ramsay at Thermopylae

Thousands from the fxxking Persian Empire in, yes?

Take one Persian.

Sword.

Stab.

Guts.

On the floor.

Still steaming.

Done.

Next.

Basic knife skills, big man.

Keep it simple.

[Screams at random hoplite]: Simple, you fxxking simple minded fxxker!

The above was triggered by the juxtaposition of the new series of The F-Word and my idle wondering about when the DVD of 300 might be out. (There's no date but you can get Amazon to email you when it is available here.)

Gordon Ramsay, Noel Coward and a limerick. I could get into rewriting this stirring take in different styles:

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that an Achaemenid king in possession of a large empire must be in want of a war ............