The old fish and soup

Myself (loudly and tunelessly): I'm Burlington Bertie I rise at ten thirty
And Buckingham Palace I view.
I stand in the yard while they're changing the guard
And the queen shouts across "Toodle oo"!
The Prince of Wales' brother along with some other
Slaps me on the back and says "Come and see Mother"
I'm Bert, Bert, and royalty's hurt,
When they ask me to dine I say .......... yes.

Prodnose: You went to lunch at Buckingham Palace yesterday then?

Myself: Yep

Prodnose: Didn't take me?

Myself: Nope. No imaginary friends allowed.

Prodnose: I see.

Myself: I'm a Welsh Born Icon, diacatholicon,
I'm ever so clever and droll.
So when the Equerry needs vocabulary
served up at the table I stroll
To Buckingham Palace, genus digitalis .........

Prodnose (coldly): Vulgarity and self-importance cannot be disguised by a torrent of words.