(A street in Cambridgeham. Most Exalted University Professor HENRY LOUIS GATES, freshly returned from the Land of the Asian Khan, is rattling the door of his keep. Enter a WENCH.)
WENCH: Alarum! Alarum! A thief is about!
GATES: Peace, ye fat guts!
(Enter SHERIFF CROWLEY)
CROWLEY: Stay, now! Who disturbs our peaceful shire?
GATES: I disturb no man. My key unlocketh not.
CROWLEY: Forsooth, thou breakest and enterest.
GATES (entering his castle): I break not for witless constables. Begone!
CROWLEY: Back speaks no man to the Sheriff; I arrest thee!
GATES: Knowest thou whom I am? That I am coy with the Daily Beastmistress, Milady Tina? That I am most down with Lady Oprah, the Queen of afternoon tele-dalliances? That I am sworn liege to Dr. Faust, of whom Marlowe wrote? That I unravelest literary mysteries at the Greatest University Known to Man?
CROWLEY: Of Tufts you speak? Even so, thou art under arrest.
GATES: Thou detaineth me because I am a Moor!
We could have done this at AbbeyFest's Shakespeare Mash Up Live earlier this week. In which if you were to "GASP as an improvised stage combat sesion goes horribly wrong" you would have been gasping at me.