BT Broadband users hit by fault

BT has said some of its customers are experiencing problems with its broadband and telephone services.

"Sorry, we're aware of a problem & working to fix ASAP," it tweeted shortly after 0900 BST.

The firm's Plusnet broadband division has also said that it is facing issues.

BT said that "power issues at one of our internet peering partners' sites in London" were the cause. "Engineers are working to fix things as fast as possible," it added.
A spokeswoman was unable to provide more information.

You're darn tooting we are experiencing problems. I seem to be alright on http and https, but the SQL, RDP and Skype ports have all gone for a Burton.

Aide-mémoire

Wes has sent round a link to a video of the weekend's losing semi final. It is too soon to watch it yet, but I might as well post it on the 'blog so I can find it, if and when, I want to check it out.

Also, Spike advised me at the quiz last night that All Or Nothing: A Season With The Arizona Cardinals: Amazon and NFL Films present an unprecedented look at the lives of players, coaches and owners of the Arizona Cardinals over an entire NFL season is well worth a free at the point of delivery viewing on Prime. Another one for the virtual to-do list.

let's go round again

The Rutlish Raiders lost their semi final play off this weekend, so that is the end of Ben's inaugral rugby league season.

In rugby union, Old Ruts U16 pre-season fitness and conditioning training starts on July 27.

It's not really a lot of downtime.

Simple solutions are often the best

My carbon monoxide detector started beeping every coupla minutes last night. Driven to distraction and after a hard day I beat it to death with a claw hammer in the early hours of the morning as suggested by the helpful video above.

I'm glad that I put it out of its misery, but when I was going through its entrails I found a pack of AA batteries. I bet it was whining because that was running down. It might be better if British Gas designed the SOB so we could replace the power supply; robbers.

try the "Make Everything" OK button

Auto-antonym

An auto-antonym (sometimes spelled autantonym), or contronym (also spelled contranym), is a word with a homograph (another word of the same spelling) which is also an antonym (a word with the opposite meaning). An auto-antonym is alternatively called an antagonym, Janus word (after the Roman god), enantiodrome, self-antonym, antilogy, or addad (Arabic, singular didd). It is a word with multiple meanings, one of which is defined as the reverse of one of its other meanings. This phenomenon is called enantiosemy, enantionymy or antilogy.

Have you ever heard of anything so marvellous?

Examples

"Alight" can mean to get on, or get off
"Buckle" can mean 'to fasten or secure' or it can mean 'collapse under weight'.
"Cleave" can mean "to cling" or "to split apart."
"Clip" can mean "attach" or "cut off" .........

It is a miracle we ever manage to understand anything at all.

OK, what follows?

It strikes me that - as I have not the slightest idea what to do next - that I may not be a Pokemon Go natural.

Rutlish Raiders vs Invicta Panthers

Ben's Rutlish Raiders have got the Invicta Panthers in the play off semi finals this weekend. The Panthers beat the Raiders rather handily in the Cup earlier this year (in Ben's first ever game of rugby league) and topped the East division undefeated as far as I can tell, so they must be favourites, but as Rhy Ifans (Icons passim) reminds us:

In every battle, every fight and every match. There is always a favourite. The expert’s and the pundits will say on paper this team is stronger, man for man better. More strength in depth. But football rugby isn’t played on paper, and the odds may be stacked against you, fair enough fair enough. But what the odds won’t tell you is.... that this isn’t a maths test. Its a different kind of test! One where passion, courage, heart! Over rides any kind of logic. Where the sun is so much more than its paths. So when you cross that white line with that red dragon crest burning on your chest...Remember...... this is a team game, and you are not alone! We are Wales Rutlish, and together....... we are, STRONGER!!!

The Panthers U15s may be researched on https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9oYpaK0JE4khbmlNDH8cMA

The Raycat Solution

In 1981, the US Department of Energy and the civil engineering company Bechtel Corp assembled a task force to help tackle the problem of how to warn future humans to stay away from radioactive nuclear waste sites thousands of years into the future. Perhaps the strangest solution came from the French author Françoise Bastide and the Italian semiologist Paolo Fabbri, who proposed genetically engineering cats to change colour in response to radiation, and creating a mythology of danger around those cats. An exploration of unusually creative problem-solving, the French director Benjamin Huguet’s film probes how the once-obscure, decades-old ‘ray-cat solution’ has recently found new life.

I was actually working in Bechtel's offices in Hammersmith on North Sea joint venture around the mid eighties. I don't recall many semiologist colleagues.

The adventures of the son of exploding sausage

The Bonzo Dog Band, seen here in their rock-iconoclast heyday, take a splendidly surreal trip to the countryside in this endearingly odd, semi-improvised psychedelic music short. After a strange-sounding supper with local kids, the Bonzos set up their instruments in a farmyard, where they perform outlandish instrumental versions of their weird theatrical rock songs to an appreciative audience of cattle.

The band line-up featured here is Vivian Stanshall, Neil Innes, Rodney Slater, 'Legs' Larry Smith, Roger Ruskin Spear and Dennis Cowan. Unusually, Viv doesn't sing here. Instead he toys with some radishes, before playing some serious electric guitar, his brow appealingly adorned by a laurel wreath. Meanwhile, Neil expresses himself in clown trousers and Roger attends to his robots.

Possibly one for completists only.

The YouTube version above may well be moody in copyright terms and liable to disappear, but the BFI version at http://player.bfi.org.uk/film/watch-the-adventures-of-the-son-of-exploding-sausage-1969/ will be on the level.

ticked off

The boys beat the Brentwood Eels 28-16 yesterday in a London Youth and Junior League - U15 - Play Offs quarter final. Ben's try is at https://youtu.be/b-iytSOlrYM?t=28m25s if you haven't got time to sit through the whole thing.

Semi final next Saturday. Bring it on.

Food Blogger

As a rule, I go to the gym and lunchtime and don't eat.

This week however, as Ben has been in with me doing work experience, I have done my duty at Virgin Active early in the morning, and we have been patronising some of the little places in Abbey Mills.

On Monday I had chicken pad Thai at http://www.banyai.co.uk/ while Ben had beef Pad Namman Hoi.

On Tuesday I had Camembert with Redcurrant Sauce, Walnuts and Baby Leaf Spinach crepe at http://www.belgianbrasserie.com. Ben had a double Cooked Ham & Mature Cheddar with Tomato, Garlic Mayo and Baby Leaf Spinach crepe.

On Wednesday, we both had chicken curry, rice 'n peas, coleslaw at http://www.tingnting.com.

Thursday, Ben went off and had lunch in http://www.wafflejacks.co.uk/ where some of his mates were doing their work experience, so I didn't eat, but in the evening had mushrooms and spinach then seafood linguine at http://www.davy.co.uk/wine-bar/bottlescrue/ at my MBA reunion.

On Friday we both had the lunch special offer of lasagna, salad and garlic bread at http://www.sw19italian.co.uk.

Excluding Thursday everywhere we ate was less than 50m from the office. Not too shabby at all.

It was my thirtieth year to heaven

I went along to the thirtieth year reunion of my MBA cohort last night; an unofficial bun fight organised among ourselves rather than an official po-faced snooze fest.

As I was the youngest of us in 1986, I could attend confident that I will still be the youngest now. There is nowhere else where I have that privilege.

It was an absolute blast. They certainly know how to let their hair down, those captains of industry.

The Flashing Blade

As long as we have done our best,

then no one can do more

and life and love and happiness

are well worth fighting for.

And we should never count the cost,

or worry that we'll fall.

It's better to have fought and lost

than not have fought at all.

Let's always take whatever comes

and never try to hide.

Face anything and anyone

together, side by side.

When you can't find the words yourself, TV shows you watched as a kid can speak for you. Diolch, Merci… Thanks to the Welsh football team. So near and yet so far.

I Gotta Feelin'

I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night

That tonight's gonna be a good night

That tonight's gonna be a good, good night

Tonight's the night

Let's live it up

I got my money

Let's spend it up

Go out and smash it

Like Oh My God

Jump off that sofa

Let's get get off

I know that we'll have a ball

If we get down

And go out

And just lose it all

I feel stressed out

I wanna let it go

Lets go way out spaced out

And losing all control

Fill up my cup

Mazel Tov

Look at her dancing

Just take it off

Let's paint the town

We'll shut it down

Let's burn the roof

And then we'll do it again

Let's do it, let's do it,

Let's do it,

Let's do it, and do it, and do it,

Let's live it up

And do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it,

Let's do it,

Let's do it,

Let's do it!

There are lots of Welsh poets, but my inspirational lyric for tonight's Wales Portugal semi final comes from the Black Eyed Peas.

The video has had almost a quarter of a billion views on YouTube. I am astounded.

Ooh, Ah, Cantona

I, Eric Cantona, potential future manager of England, promise never to lose against a small frozen island where the goalkeeper is a movie director and the assistant coach is a dentist.

If I had a vote in the appointment of the next England manager, this is where it would go.

Rhys Ifans - Underdog - Together Stronger

I'm not crying, I just got something in my eyes... yes both of them.

Hat tip, Chris H.

Gim Gyeranmari, 김 계란말이

I was delighted to learn lately that the dried nori sheets that wrap sushi are the same species of seaweed (Porphyra) that is used in Welsh laverbread.

As well as nori in Japan, it is known as zicai (紫菜) in China, and gim (김) in Korea. Isn't that great?

To celebrate this international synchronicity and Wales' arrival at the highest level of international footie, I made Korean rolled seaweed and egg omelettes as part of the buffet for my guests when they came around to my gaff to see us beat Belgium. The recipe is here, and in my case I dressed the parcels with roasted black sesame seeds and a little soy.

They went down very well. Will I have to do them again on Wednesday to propitiate the gods before the semi final I wonder?

The prawn and mango and pork and water chestnut lettuce cups with a 10-second egg-free miracle mayo that Annabel Langbein did on Saturday Kitchen have also made an entry for themselves in my to-do list. The mayo uses the brine from a can of chickpeas instead of eggs. Apparently protein leaches out of the legumes into the water. I will test it in the laboratory of the utility muffin Research kitchen and get back to you.

Action this day

As you can see from the British Film Institute footage above, Wales beat Belgium by five goals to one when we  played them in 1948. Surely it says something about the lamentable state of the national team that we could only beat them three one last night. Someone has been asleep at the wheel. Heads must roll. Root and branch reform.....

I'm only pulling your plonker, I am as happy as a sandboy. Roll on Wednesday and the semi final with Portugal.

Ahm jes' sayin' is all

Well done to the Bomber. Inaugural "Athlete of the Year" at school. He didn't want me to go to the ceremony, not that we knew he had won, fearing - perhaps and with some justification - that I would attend wearing a BB rosette and perform the Viking war chant that that Iceland's football team and fans have introduced to the world when he ascended the stage. Huh!

Well I never

Tom Cruise arrived at the Old Ruts club by helicopter this morning. How do you like them berries?

Priorities

We drew 0-0 with them away in 2014 then beat them 1-0 at home last year in the tournament's Group B qualification games. We've got every chance if we can stay that thrifty.

Hat tip, Chris H for the image.

England 1 - 2 Iceland

I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven, clothed with a cloud: and a rainbow was upon his head, and his face was as it were the sun, and his feet as pillars of fire: And he had in his hand a little book open ......

That will have been the ref then.

Actually I did prophesy the result myself. I shouted it over the road to Pat when I noticed him getting back from work at about the same time as me yesterday. It is probably on London Borough of Merton CCTV footage somewhere.

Theoretically - and as I speculated here - Wales and Iceland can still meet in the final.

Ain't nobody messing with the gang

Dom's report on the match against Bromley that I missed when I was in Cardiff:

With some of our more powerful players missing, it was good to welcome Bill back from injury and he had a great game as did the rest of the boys in the second half when we came from 26 - 0 behind to lose narrowly 46 - 36. Even by our usual slow starting standards, we had a poor start defensively and we were starved of the ball for good elements of the first half, however the second half was a different story as we started firing, running better lines in attack and offloading well to claw our way back into it. Unfortunately overall our defensive line was not functioning as well as it normally does but that is relatively easy to fix, so it was an encouraging performance against a good Bengals side.

The Rutlish U15s comprise the under fourteen cohort as well as the under fifteens. Ben says that Wesley, Saadiq and him where the only U15s on the pitch, so it is a good result in the circumstances. (Update: It has just struck me that Bill is an U15 as well, so Ben may have forgotten others in the text he sent me. I hope this revelation doesn't deliver even more downward pressure on the pound and the FTSE what with Brexit 'n'all.)

You can hear the voices of Rutlish and Bromley supporters on the sound track. They often disagree about what they are seeing but there is never any petulance in anyone's tone. I think it reflects well on all of them.

Also I realised as I was listening to the radio this morning that Marc's voice sounds exactly like the uncredited rapper that appears two minutes and twenty odd seconds into Tinie Tempah's Girls Like ft. Zara Larsson. Follow the link and tell me I'm not right - https://youtu.be/OEiva3cMv6k?t=2m22s

Hell Sucks

“We took space back quickly, expensively, with total panic and close to maximum brutality. Our machine was devastating. And versatile. It could do everything but stop.”

Michael Herr has died. His Vietnam War book Dispatches was among the most amazing things I read when I was a kid.

Here are an obituary, and Hell Sucks which is the Esquire story that started the whole thing off.

Juxtaposed controls

One of the key issues driving the debate about Britain’s place in Europe was migration, and a key physical reminder of that is the “jungle” at Calais.

The jungle is a collection of makeshift huts and tents housing as many as 5,000 migrants who are using the camp as a base while they attempt to reach the UK.

The jungle is in France because of agreements struck between the UK and France in 1991 and 2003 that Britain’s border should effectively be in France.

This means that British border officials can carry out checks at French customs, including searching for hidden migrants.

The agreement is between the UK and France, and not strictly EU related but article 19 says:

The present Agreement may be terminated by the competent authorities of either of the Parties by giving a period of notice of six months.

This week it seems more likely to me that our government will get that notice from our friends across the Channel than it did last week. That would put the cat among the pigeons.

Smile and grin at the change all around

Merton’s turnout for the referendum was 73.5%, that’s 100,207 people. The borough’s postal vote turnout was 87%. The results for Merton are as follows: Remain: 63,003 votes; Leave: 37,097 votes.
This means that Merton voted to remain in the EU.

I was in the minority who voted to leave, because although I accept that the EU initially fulfilled its mission to neutralise the ancient bellicosity of rival nations, I think that it then lost its way so badly that it has become, instead, an incubator hatching the beast it wanted to slay. I believe, for example, that the Ukraine–European Union Association Agreement directly led to the Ukrainian revolution of February 2014, and hence to Russia's annexation of Crimea and further that the ECB's position over the terms for a Greek bailout made it a proxy for a German extortion racket.

KFC India is selling chicken in a box with a built-in phone charger. They're calling it "Watt-A-Box".The phone charger comes at no extra cost to customers when they buy the popular 5-in-1 meal. The meal costs 150 rupees (£1.50). The 6,100mA power bank is detachable, reusable and is reportedly big enough to fully charge two phones.

I'll take that

There was an atavistic part of me that was relishing England playing Portugal until Iceland's last minute goal though.

Games I have missed and will miss

Rutlish Raiders U15s came from behind for an ultimately comfortable 28-14 win against North Herts Crusaders on Saturday securing second place in the London West league table and a home quarter final on 9 July v Brentwood Eels.

We weren't there as I was taking Ben to the dentist to have new braces fitted on his teeth, but he is back this weekend for a home match against Bromley; probably no mugs as they came second themselves in the London East league, and beat Elmbridge who topped the West league in the cup. (I won't be at the game myself as I will be back in Cardiff seeing how mum and dad are getting on.)

I am pleased to see that Charlie, who has been out for a long time with problems with tendons and a broken finger should be back on Saturday.

Together. Stronger

As you know, Wales beat Russia 3-0 last night to top Euro2016 Group B (while England's draw with Slovakia leaves them second). It means that next time out (5pm on Saturday) we will be up against the highest-ranked third-placed team from one of groups A, C or D in what will surely be a wonderful opportunity to get to the quarter finals.

What more can I say? Why not something gracious?

The media bombards us day after day with the message that every Russian is a gangster and every Russian institution aloof and manipulative.

Yesterday before the game though, I read this:

Wales will wear their red home kit against Russia tonight despite being the designated "away team" for the Euro 2016 Group B decider.

Chris Coleman's side had been expected to wear the charcoal and lime green away strip they wore in the defeat against England, with Russia's red home kit clashing.

But FAW officials were so keen for the players to be in their favoured red shirts for the biggest Welsh football match in a generation they approached Uefa to ask for the designated kits to be changed.

And that request has been granted after Russian officials said they did not have a problem with wearing their white away kit.

A generous and sporting gesture from the Russian FA don't you think? Perhaps the caricatures aren't all accurate.

MUNCHIES Guide to Wales

For all her other merits, Charlet Duboc isn't much of a rugby player. Not that I will let that come between us.

How to be British

Temporary rules posted at Richmond Golf Club after German bombs hit the course in 1940. pic.twitter.com/NlGhApXZga

— Historical Pics (@HistoricalPics) June 18, 2016

Hat tip: Simon B

The day today

Despite a late surge, Wales lost the game and the series in New Zealand this morning.

On the other side of the ledger, my car's dashboard instrument cluster has magically started working again after just over a fortnight on the blink.

I would have preferred to have won the rugby and still be using a speedometer on my mobile phone, but at least life's not all dark.

Why don't you let me worry about that?

A late goal from Daniel Sturridge was enough to help England beat Wales 2-1 in Lens on Thursday and break Welsh hearts.

Wales now lie in second place in the group, one point behind England and ahead of Slovakia thanks to a superior head-to-head record.

So, what does that mean for Wales' chances of qualification from the group?

It means a win against Russia would be enough to see Wales safely through to the next stage of the competition, without worrying about third-place scenarios.

On top of that, if England were to fail to beat Slovakia in their final fixture, then a win for Chris Coleman's side on Monday would see them qualify as group winners.

But, what about the other scenarios?

Remember, if teams are tied on the same number of points in the group, the head-to-head result between the two sides is the first criteria to see who finishes ahead of who.

If Wales draw with Russia

In this scenario, if England were to win against Slovakia, that would see Wales qualify in second place, two points ahead of Jan Kozak's side.

However, if the Slovaks were to beat the Three Lions on Monday, that would leave Wales in third place and in the hands of UEFA's new system for this year's tournament.

Remember, the four best third-placed teams qualify for the last 16, with the first criteria points gained, followed by goal difference.

If there was a draw between Slovakia and England - then Wales go through as runners-up as they would be level on points with Slovakia but won the head-to-head between the two sides.

If Wales lose to Russia

Let's hope it doesn't come to this.

In the event of a Wales loss, any result for Slovakia against England would see Wales knocked out of the competition.

However, if England were to beat Slovakia, then Wales could still have a reprieve - if they ended up as one of the four best third-placed teams out of all the Euro 2016 groups.

Again, to reiterate, the best third-placed teams will be decided on points gained followed by goal difference.

In conclusion, we need to win at eight o'clock on Monday evening. I imagine I will be watching it at home (ITV 4: Freeview channel 24). It's not likely to get much of a look in in South London's honky tonks and dive bars with an equally vital England game on at the same time.

Roll on 2pm

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face—for ever.”
― George Orwell, 1984

But then again: No Welsh fans arrested after violent scenes in Lille ahead of England v Wales.

The Football Association of Wales said on Thursday morning they had had confirmation from French police there were no issues or arrests of any Welsh supporters in Lille last night.

"Europe's kookiest nation about football"

I was delighted to see Iceland get a draw with Portugal last night.

Soccernomics, a book I read a couple of years ago (Icons passim), crunched the numbers to crown them "Europe's kookiest nation about football."

Chapter 12 The Country That Loves Football Most ends prophetically musing about the Icelanders that "if these people ever make it to a tournament they might really start to like football." Iceland has a population of 340,000 people (less than Leicester), of which one in ten are thought to be in France for Euro 2016.

In a perfect world they would meet Wales in the final.

"Today I settled all Family business"

I've been using Uber for the odd journey since May 1st, and have found it quicker, more reliable and cheaper than conventional cabs.

When Andy H was configuring it on his iPhone at my recommendation he asked me what Family Profiles were. I didn't know, and wondered if perhaps the feature wasn't live when I went through installation and set up on my Android.

Herewith the skinny on this shiny new extension:

One feature passengers have frequently requested is an easy way to pay for family and friends. That’s why we are excited to announce Family Profiles, a new feature we’re launching that lets up to 10 riders safely and easily share one payment method.

Here’s how it works:

For the Family Profile organizer:

• Make sure you have the latest version of the Uber app.
• Go to Menu and choose Settings.
• Scroll down to “Add a Family Profile” and select the contacts you would like to add.
• As soon as the Family Profile rider accepts the invitation, they can begin requesting rides from their own phone using the Family Profile as their payment method.
• The cost of the trip will automatically be billed to the Family Profile and the organizer will receive a receipt for every ride.

I've set it up for Ben today. It will come in handy as soon as Thursday, when - as I will have watched the England Wales footie on licensed premises - I won't be able to drive and pick him up myself in the evening. We can give it a dry run then. I like the fact that I will know the name of the driver and license plate of the car that picks him up as well as being able to follow the journey online.

Actually I had to ferry him around this morning which meant that I missed the Chiefs beating Wales in a 40-7 rout. That was a lucky break. Thank goodness I hadn't set it up yesterday.

I have also noticed (brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces) that Uber operates in Cardiff (https://www.uber.com/cities/cardiff/), though at the moment when I have tested it there it seems a little hit and miss compared to its ubiquity here in the smoke.

Luke Charteris meets Kevin Taylor

Watch the beginning of this video. Kevin gets everywhere.

a day of two halves

Wales were beating the All Blacks at half time yesterday, then things started to go wrong.

First news started to drift in that Ben's rugby league game at 11am had been cancelled, then New Zealand came back to beat us. Without the Rutlish game to draw me out of the pub, we also stayed to watch England beat Australia fairly soundly on their tour. Google timeline has me in the Charles Holden from 8:19 until 13:23.

Later the day began to turn around. The opposition's no-show seems to translate to a 24-0 win which leaves the boys firmly entrenched at second in the league. In order for North Herts Crusaders to pip us for it they will have to beat us by 137 points at the last regular league game next weekend and we would still be in the play offs even if they did.

Follow that with Wales' win over Slovakia and England's draw with Russia leaving the boys in red sitting pretty on top of UEFA Euro 2016 Group B.

Not a bad return on the day, all in all.

#WRUMrGnome

Gareth the Welsh rugby gnome will be back in the Charles Holden this morning for the first time since the Six Nations. I was hoping to get his cousin Richie the Kiwi rugby gnome to come along and keep Andy and Donna company but it wasn't to be.

a pop up office

As a rule the Merton Apprentice doesn't open until four o'clock on Thursdays. Next week however that will go out the window as they are showing every match of Euro2016.

Our office is in the same building, so yesterday I went down there at 4pm with a Microsoft Surface and a cordless phone on our land line. The Surface picked up our wifi and I could make and receive calls on the phone.

Next Thursday at two in the afternoon when England play Wales at the Stade Bollaert-Delelis, in Lens we will seamlessly relocate from the first to the ground floor for the duration of the match and no one need be any the wiser. It is possible, though, that productivity may suffer.

full of beer for breakfast, and feeling a bit buzzed

Is booze at breakfast the best way to start the day?

Barack Obama enjoyed a breakfast beer at the G7 summit and a London bar is now serving morning wine. From bloody mary to brandy, an early tipple is a fine European tradition.

We are meeting at the Charles Holden for New Zealand v Wales (kick off 8:35) on Saturday morning, so I am bound to have a drink or two, just as I did last July. John is up so we need a strategy that keeps us  - while not 100% sober - at least out of a Rugby: New Zealand v Wales 08:35, Australia v England 11:00, South Africa v Ireland 16:00; Football: Wales v Slovakia 17:00, England v Russia 20:00 write off of a whole day in the pub.

What I therefore propose is that after the test match we walk along to Lavender Park for Rutlish Raiders U15 v Sussex Merlins at 11:00 (Ben is coming to the Holden first thing as well). Then when the final whistle goes we trot along to Hoo Hing, the giant oriental supermarket up the road for a spot of lunch in the basic but fine restaurant hidden in it and wander round the shelves picking up some exotic ingredients.

Thence to the Wimbledon Brewery Food and Drink Market, say around 2pm where a couple of pints will be permitted, rude not to, then home to drop off purchases.

Normally I would go out to watch the Wales football in the Standard, but the Slovakia game clashes with South Africa v Ireland and the latter will probably dominate the TVs in there. The best alternatives are probably the Merton Apprentice or the Sultan. If Ben wants to watch the game as well though we could meet him at the Club in Poplar Road.

Does that sound like a plan?

New Zealand: Ben Smith, Waisake Naholo, Malakai Fekitoa, Ryan Crotty, Julian Savea, Aaron Cruden, Aaron Smith, Kieran Read (captain), Sam Cane, Jerome Kaino, Brodie Retallick, Luke Romano, Owen Franks, Dane Coles, Joe Moody.

Reserves: Nathan Harris, Wyatt Crockett, Charlie Faumuina, Patrick Tuipulotu, Ardie Savea, T.J. Perenara, Beauden Barrett, Seta Tamanivalu.

Wales: Liam Williams, George North, Jonathan Davies, Jamie Roberts, Hallam Amos, Dan Biggar, Rhys Webb, Taulupe Faletau, Sam Warburton (captain), Ross Moriarty, Alun Wyn Jones, Bradley Davies, Samson Lee, Ken Owens, Gethin Jenkins.

Reserves: Scott Baldwin, Rob Evans, Tomas Francis, Jake Ball, Ellis Jenkins, Gareth Davies, Gareth Anscombe, Scott Williams.

get your teeth into this

The Rutlish Raiders U15s beat the Hemel Stags 50-20 on Saturday. That was an important win, as it boosts us up to second in the table.

This Saturday we have got the Sussex Merlins at home. Win that and we are guaranteed a place in the play-offs, and the following week's game away at the North Herts Crusaders should be a show down that decides who comes second and who comes third.

Ben can't make that last game unfortunately as he has an inviolable dental appointment to get new braces fitted on his teeth. On a Saturday rather than a school day! It is almost as if someone thinks that health and education is more important that rugby.

U15 - West league table
			P	W	L	D	PF	PA	DIFF	PTS
1		Elmbridge Eagles	8	7	0	1	370	94	276	15
2		Rutlish Raiders	8	4	4	0	234	214	20	8
3		North Herts Crusaders	8	4	4	0	158	233	-75	8
4		Sussex Merlins	8	3	5	0	180	179	1	6
5		Richmond Warriors	8	3	4	1	170	252	-82	3
6		Hemel Stags	8	2	6	0	136	276	-140	0

Everyone may be ordinary, but they're not normal

Back in Wales over the weekend, during a seemingly endless family discussion in the back garden over what name my new nephew should have, I heard my brother John mutter, "I have named the child Caleb, in accordance with your wishes" under his breath.

I recognised it as a quote from chapter 9 "Major Major Major Major" of Catch 22 (read it here, it is hilarious), and I was struck yet again by how remarkably similar our tastes and references are despite a nine year age difference which means that I had gone to university before he was ten. How may people would say it? How many people would pick up on it?

The novel relates that Maj. Major was named "Major Major Major" by his father, as a joke – passing up such lesser possibilities such as "Drum Major, Minor Major, Sergeant Major, or C Sharp Major" and that addition of the rank of Major was the result of "an IBM machine with a sense of humor almost as keen as his father's". Extremely apt in the context of a debate stretching over weeks on what name tag to pin on a blameless child.

Other book news: I finished reading Hard-Boiled Wonderland And The End Of The World by Haruki Murakami yesterday and started on The Gene: An Intimate History by Siddhartha Mukherjee.

To my surprise Mukherjee's book kicks off with a quote from Murakami's IQ84, and now I have noticed that Mukherjee is appearing at a 5x15 event in London tonight. The universe seems to be leading me by the nose. I don't know where, but I will come along for the ride.

A Twist of Lemmon

As I was driving down to Cardiff on Friday I was listening to The Curtain Up Show on Resonance FM. Chris Lemmon, son of the legendary Jack Lemmon, was on it talking about the one man show he has written about his father and is currently performing in London. It sounded fascinating, I must try and go.

The radio show is at https://www.mixcloud.com/Resonance/the-curtain-up-show-3rd-june-2016/

Tickets are avaialable from the St James Theatre - https://www.stjamestheatre.co.uk/studio/a-twist-of-lemmon/

A man entire

I listened to David Nott, probably the world’s most experienced war surgeon, on Desert Island Discs as I drove back from Cardiff to London today.

During the past 20 years, he has taken unpaid leave from his NHS work to provide medical assistance all around the world. The list of places he has visited reads like a summary of troubled conflict zones in the 21st century – Bosnia, Sierra Leone, Afghanistan, Darfur, Haiti, Gaza and Syria all feature.

He was born in Carmarthen. His father, who was half Indian and half Burmese, was an orthopaedic surgeon and his Welsh moth was a nurse.

What an admirable and inspirational man, I am happy to claim him as a Welsh Born Icon.

Listen to the show here.

Chaz Royal's Burlesque Ball

I am back in Cardiff, and pleased to see that there is Burlesque on just down the road in the Globe tonight. I wonder if I can persuade Mum and Dad to take it in.

Less whimsically, I see that Robben Ford is there on Wednesday 13 July. A member of the L.A. Express who has collaborated with Miles Davis, Joni Mitchell, George Harrison, Larry Carlton and Kiss among others, he was named one of the "100 Greatest Guitarists of the 20th Century" by Musician magazine, and is particularly cherished by me as I had a teach yourself blues guitar cassette tape based course by him back in the day. If you ever see me busking the blues, he is the man to blame.

I can't see me getting to Cardiff on a school night, but he is playing in London on the Monday of that week as well.

Clusterfunk

The dashboard instrument cluster on my Ford Focus seems to have given up the ghost this morning. The speedometer and the rev counter are stuck at zero, while the temperature and fuel gauges are both steady in the middle of their ranges, and the LCD mileometer is completely blank.

I need to drive down to Cardiff after work; tiresome doesn't begin to cover it. I will just have to fill up with petrol, download a speedometer app for my mobile phone, and put myself in the lap of the gods.

Ditto on the way back, Sunday.

Saturday 11 June, 2016

INTERNATIONAL RUGBY
New Zealand v Wales 08:35
Australia v England 11:00
South Africa v Ireland 16:00

LONDON RUGBY LEAGUE U15 West
Rutlish Raiders v Sussex Merlins 11:00

UEFA EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP - GROUP B
Wales v Slovakia 17:00
England v Russia 20:00

Some schedule eh? My brother John is coming up to London to watch the first New Zealand test. If, as planned, we do that in the Charles Holden and feel honour bound to cross the landlord's palm with silver before the sun is over the yardarm, the day could well acquire a momentum of its own, what with so much going on in the run up to Wales' Slovakia game at five. With any luck though, getting out in the fresh air at eleven to see the U15s at Lavender Park will save us from a twelve hour bender.

“You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.”
― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

It was acceptable in the 80s

Tickets available from www.letsrocklondon.com; chances of Ben fancying  coming along - 0%.

Fairy tales can come true

• AFC Wimbledon beat Plymouth Argyle 2-0 to win League One promotion
• Club celebrated their sixth promotion 14 years to the day they were formed

And I was there to see it.

Pick up Styx

Yesterday I unblocked the overflowing external drain that is fed by the kitchen sink, washing machine and dishwasher. It was completely backed up with disgusting solid gunk that smelled like death and seemed to be make up of compacted soap powder, fat and other debris.

On reflection however, I enjoyed the time I spent breaking it up and pulling it out with my arm plunged into this Stygian hell up to my elbow more than I enjoyed the second half of the game we attended at Twickenham yesterday; England 27 - 13 Wales.

I'm off to see Wimbledon AFC at Wembley this afternoon. I know Ivor Heller from "around" and had a chat with him on Saturday when I picked up the tickets. Who will play him in the upcoming AFC movie do we think - Tom Hiddleston, Aidan Turner, Idris Elba, or Damian Lewis?

New Zealand's squad for the Wales tour

Forwards: Dane Coles (Wellington, 36 Tests), Codie Taylor (Canterbury, four Tests), Nathan Harris (Bay of Plenty, two Tests), Wyatt Crockett (Canterbury, 45 Tests), Charlie Faumuina (Auckland, 33 Tests), Owen Franks (Canterbury, 78 Tests), Joe Moody (Canterbury, 11 Tests), Ofa Tu’ungafasi (Auckland, new cap), Brodie Retallick (Hawke’s Bay, 47 Tests), Luke Romano (Canterbury, 22 Tests), Patrick Tuipulotu (Auckland, seven Tests), Samuel Whitelock (Canterbury, 73 Tests), Sam Cane (Bay of Plenty, 31 Tests), Elliot Dixon (Southland, new cap), Jerome Kaino (Auckland, 67 Tests), Kieran Read, captain (Canterbury, 84 Tests), Ardie Savea (Wellington, new cap), Liam Squire (Tasman, new cap).

Backs: Tawera Kerr–Barlow (Waikato, 20 Tests), Aaron Smith (Manawatu, 47 Tests), Beauden Barrett (Taranaki, 36 Tests), Aaron Cruden (Manawatu, 37 Tests), Lima Sopoaga (Southland, one Test), Ryan Crotty (Canterbury, 15 Tests), Malakai Fekitoa (Auckland, 13 Tests), Charlie Ngatai (Taranaki, one Test, Seta Tamanivalu (Taranaki, new cap), Israel Dagg (Hawke’s Bay, 49 Tests), Damian McKenzie (Waikato, new cap), Waisake Naholo (Taranaki, three Tests), Julian Savea (Wellington, 41 Tests), Ben Smith (Otago, 48 Tests)

Who's this Damian McKenzie then? Never heard of him.



Bollocks. Looking on the bright side, maybe he won't get in the team.

a league of their own

There is no rugby league game for the Raiders today, as it is a Bank Holiday weekend.

After that we are home to the Stags on June 4th, home to the Merlins on June 11, and away to the Crusaders on June 18.

June 18th is the last U15 West league game. It turns out that there is an East league as well.  On June 25 and July 2 we will play the team who finish in the same position as us in that league; two games one home and one away.

After that, if we come third or higher in the West league (and we are third at the moment) we get into the play offs.

09 Jul 16 Round One A - 2nd West v 3rd East
09 Jul 16 Round One B – 2nd East v 3rd West

16 Jul 16 Semi-Final 1st West v Winner of Round 1-B
16 Jul 16 Semi-Final 1st East v Winner Round 1-A

23 Jul 16 London RL Youth Junior Grand Finals at London Broncos RLFC, Ealing

All clear?

The Invicta Panthers, who put the Raiders out of the Cup in Ben's first ever rugby league game (Icons passim) are currently sitting on top of the East table.

top-notch ducket hustlers

The plan for England v Wales this weekend is to meet Ben at Wimbledon Station on Sunday to get the 1:34 train to Twickenham.

After the game we will walk along to the While Hart while the crowd disperses and see who is about. Folk who haven't seen Ben since he came skiing with us when he was in primary school are in for a shock.

After that we will get the train back from Whitton to Charing Cross (it runs at 28 and 57 minutes past the hour), thence Balham where we will get the Northern Line to Colliers Wood.

I tried to buy tickets for Wimbledon AFC's Monday play off at Wembley earlier, but it is too late to get them online. Luckily they are available until Sunday  from a pop-up shop in Centre Court, so I can pick some up there on my way to Twickenham. (Northern Line to London Bridge then the Jubilee Line to Wembley Park would seem to be my best bet to get to the football.)

WALES TEAM TO PLAY ENGLAND

Liam Williams (Scarlets), George North (Northampton Saints), Scott Williams (Scarlets), Jamie Roberts (Harlequins), Hallam Amos (Dragons), Dan Biggar (Ospreys), Rhys Webb (Ospreys), Rob Evans (Scarlets), Scott Baldwin (Ospreys), Samson Lee (Scarlets), Jake Ball (Scarlets), Alun Wyn Jones (Ospreys), Ross Moriarty (Gloucester), Dan Lydiate (Capt - Ospreys), Taulupe Faletau (Newport Gwent Dragons).

Replacements: Kristian Dacey (Cardiff Blues), Gethin Jenkins (Cardiff Blues), Rhodri Jones (Scarlets), Josh Turnbull (Cardiff Blues), James King (Ospreys), Lloyd Williams (Cardiff Blues), Rhys Priestland (Bath Rugby), Gareth Anscombe (Cardiff Blues).

ENGLAND TEAM

Starting XV: Mike Brown; Anthony Watson, Jonathan Joseph, Luther Burrell, Marland Yarde; George Ford, Ben Youngs; Matt Mullan, Dylan Hartley, Dan Cole; Joe Launchbury, Courtney Lawes; Teimana Harrison, James Haskell, Jack Clifford.

Reps: Tommy Taylor, Ellis Genge, Paul Hill, Dave Attwood, Matt Kvesic, Danny Care, Ollie Devoto, Elliot Daly.

a problem I didn't know I had

Before hot yoga kicked off at half past six this morning, Shona (dominatrix du jour while Marta is on a retreat in Thailand) apologised on behalf of Sara who had thought that perhaps she had pumped too much lemon grass into the atmosphere.

Nursing, as I was, a "gentleman's head" after a barbecue at Andy and Ollie's last night and pondering the miracle it was that I had made it to Elm Grove at all I shattered my customary mauna and told her - with all the dignity that I could gather prone on my back clad in nothing but my pants -  that the precise make up of the morning's incense was among the least of my problems.

The Rawlinson motto "Omnes Blotto."

Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang

A gerund is a verb form which functions as a noun; in English ending in -ing (e.g. asking in do you mind my asking you?).

Some genius creative for the IN campaign (ING campaign?) has decided that G is omitted if one is down with da yoot. How is you votin.co.uk on June 23rd?

This campaign is ridiculous. Do the people behind think that kids are morons who can't understand arguments as opposed to slogans?

Notes

1. I am open to the notion that we may be dealing with present participles here rather than gerunds. The words not being in sentences it is difficult to be precise. Let's take these stand alone words as nouns.

2. This is the first time I have embedded a Facebook video. The secret sauce for that is at https://developers.facebook.com/docs/plugins/embedded-video-player

Spice Up Your Life

“My experience is that we live in a material world. Also, it’s inside and out, it’s the polarity of both, aesthetics is the shop window, ultimately, if there’s nothing in that shop, it has no longevity, do you know what I mean?”

Speaking for myself I don't know what you mean Ginger Spice, but my world is a jollier place for reading interviews with you again.

Preacher

The highly-anticipated new TV series Preacher will debut exclusively on Amazon Prime Video in the UK it has been announced.

Arriving on 23rd May 2016 (today), with subsequent episodes launching on Mondays from 6th June 2016 (one day after they air in the US on AMC), the series is produced by Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg (This Is The End, Superbad, Bad Neighbours) and showrunner Sam Catlin (Breaking Bad). It is based on Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon’s comic book of the same name.

Religion, satire, ultraviolence, possession, angel-demon copulation, rednecks, Heaven, Hell, saints, killers, and the Saint of Killers - what's not to like?

Behind a Painted Smile

Scarcely two months on from raising the issue (Icons passim) I think I may have got to the bottom of finding a fitted sheet that will be snug with my mattress.

It turns out it is a 140cm x 200cm Euro/IKEA Size double; bigger than a UK double but smaller than a UK King size. How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth? Amazon Prime can take the strain: IKEA DVALA - Fitted sheet, white - 140x200 cm.

For completeness, the bed in Ben's room is a UK small double (120 x 190 cm).

Prodnose: God knows there has been some competition here lately, but that is almost certainly the most boring thing you have ever shared.

Myself: I am not sure. I was only saying to Brad, Angelina, George and Amal the other day that people only see the impossible glamour that is the surface of our lives. Sometimes I think it is good to let a little light in and allow the public to appreciate the hard work that goes on behind the scenes keeping the show on the road.

Angelina (about the new curtains): If you don't like them we can take them back.

Brad: All right, I don't like them.

Angelina: [pause] You'll get used to them.

Player of another year

Ben won the Old Ruts U15 League 1 Player of the Year award at the club last night. This year, like last year when Welsey won it, it was decided a vote among the squad, not by the coaches. It is a great honour for him to be picked out by his peers like that.

I don't have a picture as I remembered that when he won it four years ago (Icons passim) I was so busy fooling around with the camera on my phone that I didn't really concentrate on savouring the moment.

I'll be back in a minute

Join us on Sat 28th May as we launch the @WimbledonBrew #food & #drink #market alongside some great local purveyors pic.twitter.com/cliFbTc9oH

— Wimbledon Brewery (@WimbledonBrew) May 19, 2016

The Wimbledon Brewery is just around the corner from Lavender Park where the Rutlish Raiders rugby league teams play their home games of a Saturday. Disloyal as it sounds, I could be persuaded to play hooky - at least for the first half - for a food and drink market.

'Tubbs' Tattsyrup: Are you... local?

I went down the Standard last night to watch Liverpool in the Europa Cup final (of which the less said the better) only to find myself enthralled instead by the screens showing AFC Wimbledon edge past Accrington in extra-time.

AFC Wimbledon are one win away from reaching the third tier of English football following an extra-time victory over Accrington in the League Two play-offs.

Having been two goals down on the night and 22 minutes from defeat, substitute Adebayo Akinfenwa’s header forced extra time before Lyle Taylor’s 104th-minute finish sealed a 3-2 aggregate triumph and booked a Wembley final date with Plymouth.

Success over the Pilgrims would ensure Wimbledon, who formed as a phoenix club 14 years ago in response to MK Dons’ controversial relocation, will spend next season alongside Karl Robinson’s side for the first time in their history.

Confirmation of their Wembley trip came slightly later than planned, due to a floodlight failure at the Crown Ground, but the final whistle was greeted by a pitch invasion when it eventually arrived at 10.30pm.

Phew, my heart was in my mouth. I am tempted to go to Wembley myself.

Several million points out of ten for style

I got a group email from Carole yesterday. She's trying to organise a reunion for the 30th anniversary of us starting our MBA. That is handy as I have only recently sobered up after the 20th anniversary reunion.

I hit "reply all" saying I was all in favour of it and got the greatest automatic response in the history of the world from Ruth.

I am currently cycling the Silk Road and will return to my desk in October 2016. If you require immediate assistance, please contact Frank Neale on xxx@xx.com. I will have periodic access to email and will respond when I am able. Thank you.

Her "periodic access to email" is obviously working as we heard from her personally later:

Aw, I'll have to survive long enough for the 40th. I'm currently cycling the Silk Road. In China now heading towards Istanbul. Eta October.

I am now singing Style by Prince from the Emancipation album in tribute. You should too.

Well I never!

Great performance from Ben Browne in the Intermediate Boys Javelin to come second #Athletics

— Rutlish PE & Sport (@PeRutlish) May 16, 2016

I was checking something out for the Wimbledon Bookfest on Twitter yesterday when I came across the tweet from the Bomber's school above. I wish I was clearer about what competition it was in, it must have been something significant I suppose.

While we are on the subject of himself, you can go directly to his rugby league try from Saturday's game at https://youtu.be/AGo4--bMSRY?t=23m10s without having to sit through all that boring filler footage of the opposition scoring.

#DAW2016

Rutland Weekend Television

I am just back from Cardiff, but the miracle of Interweb YouTubery means I can watch the Raiders being beaten by the Elmbridge Eagles yesterday ..... and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?

Pre match entertainment

I am back in Cardiff this weekend at Mum and Dad's, so I'm off the grid and today's post was queued yesterday.

Saracens vs Racing 92 - the European Champions Cup final - kicks off at quarter to five (BST) this afternoon at the Grand Stade de Lyon, France. The match will be broadcast live on BT Sport Europe, with the show starting at 3.45pm (BST).

Gareth has reminded me what a great try Pablo scored against Saracens ARFC last week, so I present it below as home grown pre-match entertainment. Slow motion and a soundtrack? You're spoiling us, Mr Ambassador!

Old Ruts Kenya is up and running