weapons, food and trust

It is my belief, Watson, founded upon my experience, that the lowest and vilest alleys in London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling and beautiful countryside.

We went to the Countryside Alliance Family Day at Ascot Racecourse yesterday. Great fun for the Bomber with a shooting gallery, climbing wall, crazy golf and a falconry demonstration etc. as well as the racing itself. He is - it must be admitted - a lousy tipster when it comes to nags.

It struck me when I was there that in the long and appalling record of the Met's egregious policing of demonstrations there is probably no more disastrous example than the hiding they gave the Alliance in Parliament Square in 2004. (You can read the subsequent whitewash at http://www.ipcc.gov.uk/Pages/parliament_square.aspx.)

Confucius told his disciple Tsze-kung that three things are needed for government: weapons, food and trust. If a ruler can't hold on to all three, he should give up the weapons first and the food next. Trust should be guarded to the end: "without trust we cannot stand".

Do farmers trust the police these days?

a thousand worlds

My father is greatly given to shouting “Everybody on stage for the Hawaiian number!”

I've never been entirely sure why, but now I have stumbled on this:

If you do not know A Thousand Clowns, your life is a sad and incomplete thing and I pity you more than I have contempt for your woeful ignorance. Tomorrow rent the 1965 movie version, then we can talk.

For those of you familiar with the piece I need say nothing more than “Everybody on stage for the Hawaiian number!” to evoke the character of Murray Burns, an unemployed television writer who lived in a New York walkup apartment with his eleven-year-old nephew who was named Nick, most of the time.

Murray Burns, who never answered letters from large organizations, who threw open windows to complain to his neighbors about the poor quality of their trash requesting they throw out more champagne bottles and empty caviar tins, who was so witty and so charming women adored him at first encounter, this Murray Burns was my generation’s Peter Pan, Walter Mitty and Don Quixote, only with better material and a stronger sex drive.

I need to see it, but it doesn't seem to be available.

traceroute

The data centre we use changed premises last night.

We were told, and grudgingly accepted, that we would go dark from 8pm last night until 3am this morning.

More than four hours later there is still nothing and no-one is telling me anything.

I am just sitting here running tracert again and again.

Tracing route to www.bumblebeeauctions.co.uk [178.251.34.32]over a maximum of 30 hops:

1 1 ms <1 ms <1 ms . [192.168.2.1]
2 19 ms 19 ms 19 ms 217.32.146.167
3 20 ms 20 ms 19 ms 217.32.146.190
4 20 ms 20 ms 20 ms 213.120.177.50
5 20 ms 19 ms 19 ms 213.120.176.50
6 19 ms 20 ms 23 ms 213.120.176.182
7 20 ms 20 ms 19 ms acc2-10GigE-0-2-0-5.l-far.21cn-ipp.bt.net [109.159.249.227]
8 25 ms 22 ms 24 ms core1-te0-6-1-0.ilford.ukcore.bt.net [109.159.249.133]
9 20 ms 20 ms 20 ms core1-pos9-1.telehouse.ukcore.bt.net [194.74.65.114]
10 21 ms 20 ms 20 ms ge-0-0-1.londra32.lon.seabone.net [195.22.209.45]
11 20 ms 20 ms 23 ms 4d-data-center-99.londra32.lon.seabone.net [89.221.43.99]
12 28 ms 21 ms 32 ms 178.17.47.21
13 * * * Request timed out.
14 * * * Request timed out.

The origin of suffering is attachment

I've discovered that the Kindle is not in my pocket this morning. I imagine that I've just left it at home, but I'm surprised how uneasy its lack is making me.

Apple have informed us that yesterday they shipped:

Personalised iPad 2 with Wi-Fi + 3G 32GB - Black
Part Number: PC774B/A
Engraving: Coraider Services Ltd

So that should be in my greedy, sweaty palm next week.

Perhaps the reportedly Buddhist Steve Jobs brings out new versions of Apple's geegaws every year to warn us against attachment to transient things?

For the good times

Back in October (Icons passim) I wrote as follows about the Bomber:

Note to my future self - the day he says he wants to quit judo or rugby, grin and bear it regardless of what you would actually prefer.

Well that day has come, and he says he wants to quit judo. For the record he is third from the right in the photo above.

Regarding the sliverware:

Ernest Bevin’s Phoenix Judo Club, one of the most well-known in British judo, won Sports Club of The Year after excelling at events in the capital including the 2010 London Youth Games for which the club was also presented with the John WE Davis Award for making the most significant contribution to the event.

Winston, the guy on the right won gold in the under 90kg division at the Sarajevo European Cup a week or so ago.

What can I do but shrug my shoulders?

Lap it up

Cardiff councilors have responded to the cultural challenge of Swansea (Icons passim) by approving plans for two new lap dancing clubs.

For Your Eyes Only, which already offers topless dancing on Church Street, has applied for a sex establishment licence to open Blue Velvet at 32 St Mary Street, the old Croupiers Casino. Blue Velvet would open from 11am every day – and until 6am on Fridays and Saturdays.

I didn't even know Les Croups casino was closed. Back in the day - as a members only club - it was one of the few places you could get a late night drink.

This as the city's own Polish Hogarth continues to document is no longer the case.

Being for the benefit of Mr Fright

Look at the video above. The Burglar has ordered a company IPAD2 so, once it arrives I will be able to download the GarageBand application.

If it performs anything like as well the demo suggests it will be practically miraculous.

It costs £2.99 in the UK. That is two pounds and ninety nine pence; less than a pint of lager in the pub.

I am speechless.

The Umbrellas of Cherbourg

French President Nicolas Sarkozy is to start using a 10,000 pounds bullet-proof umbrella to protect him from attackers.

It follows opinion polls which portray him as the most unpopular head of state in recent Gallic history.

The umbrella will be carried by security guards who will have to be taller than the 5ft 5ins president.
..
The armour-plated umbrellas weigh 2.2kg compared to 500g for a normal brolly
In tests, police officers were able to break a wooden stool in two by hitting it repeatedly on top of the umbrella. They also smashed a champagne bottle in the same way.
..
‘He’s had all kinds of missiles aimed at him from above, especially on visits to high-rise housing estates where he’s particularly unpopular,’ said the source.

I thought this was an April Fool's joke at first, but a four year old edition of France Today suggests it might be real. I don't really mind one way or the other. I've always (as Icons Passim testify) been a sucker for weaponised umbrellas.

En Français:

International Pillow Fight Day

Welcome to Pillow Fight Club. The first rule of Pillow Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Pillow Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Pillow Fight Club!

a generated anomaly

The story so far; the previous incarnation of Doctor Who has had a baby by the daughter of an earlier incarnation of Doctor Who, who was actually his daughter in an episode of Doctor Who.

Cletus Spuckler is our extended family correspondent:

Don't you fret honeychile, why your uncle's your cousin too. Don't pay it no mind.

Why I 'member th' verr furst epzode - way back'n 63, day after all that JFK botheration? That good ol' Doc had him a granchile name of Suzie Foreman even then. An' he's still agoin' and gettin' hisself some good lovin' the horny ol' polecat.

Succour

Prodnose: Literature recasts the world in an intimate and productively strange light. Prose can endow us with startling power ....

Myself: I know that you're my alter ego with all that entails, but can't you just lighten up for five minutes? We should definitely go and see Sucker Punch this weekend. It's totally got like all these warrior babes with bare skills.

Prodnose: "Review: ‘Sucker Punch’ An Overstuffed, Deadening & Boring Journey Into A Zack Snyder Wet Dream."

Myself: You're saying that as if it's a bad thing. I'll throw you a bone though Darryl Louise Chastain, the flawed avatar and preterite goddess of Pynchon's Vineland, she was a Ninja. Am I right? I am.

Prodnose: So it may be cultural?

Myself: If Berressem's Lacanian examination of Pynchon's aesthetic strategies are applicable to Snyder it could well be, yes.

Prodnose: OK

Myself: Fasten your seatbelts.

Submariner

I went to see Richard Ayoade's movie "Submarine" last night and I thought it was great. It is the funniest display of diffident, gawky, geeky male angst I have seen this year with the exception of Richard Ayoade's bashful,though engaging, interviews promoting his film "Submarine."

Now that Swansea has a great coming of age move and a house that looks like Hitler, Cardiff will have to buck up its act.

Ben and Bert

The Bomber played the Albert Hall last night. He was part of the massed primary choir in the concert put together by the Merton Music Foundation.

The gig itself was, as you might imagine, something of a curate's egg but the Merton Youth Jazz Orchestra was a revelation; really tight, great dynamic range, and some fine soloists. I was astounded. I'd go and see them again.

Hipster Dating

Sites like YouTube do largely leave out people who don't have a video camera. That's changing with the beta launch of youtube.com/create, where anyone can use video creation sites Xtranormal, Stupeflix and GoAnimate to make personal videos or animations and post them directly to YouTube.

I have got to have a go at some of this when I get a few spare minutes. The likes of Hipster Dating show what's possible but set a high bar.

A bucolic interlude

When I got out of the car yesterday, I heard the bees buzzing, looked up to see them pollinating the freshly bloomed cherry blossom and started to imagine waggle dances back at the hive. Would I even have noticed this small glory of nature if I hadn't trained my mind with Honeybee Democracy?

Cherry blossom and insight just as I commence Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind; a good omen.

The dusty passages of Icons passim provide a haiku from 2006 and let me know the tree has bloomed earlier this year.

The photograph that once adorned it is lost somewhere in the interwebs though; mono no aware.

Legend tells of a legendary literateur, whose literary skills were the stuff of legend.

He travelled the land in search of worthy folios ........

An unreliable narrator

The Kindle informed the world (or at least Twitter and Facebook) when I finished Iris Murdoch's "The Sea, The Sea" yesterday.

It is a difficult book to love because Charles Arrowby, our unreliable narrator, is so blinkered and deluded. I don't like playing peek-a-boo with the author like this, laughing up my sleeve whenever we catch her story teller out. How about good old "free indirect style", woman? Combining a more reliable third-person narration with your anti-hero's inner voice, so I don't have to read it like a bleedin' detective story.

The weird thing is however, unconvincing as I found Arrowby's voice in the novel, the tone in which casually misogynist cupidity mistakes itself for keen psychological insight, is precisely that of Elias Canetti's astonishingly caddish take on Ms Murdoch herself in Party in The Blitz.

You sir, were no gent, and perhaps she knew more about men than I allow.

summon up the blood

Bottom of the table with no points from their first three qualifying games, Wales face England at football today.

Prodnose: We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part!

Myself: We're just the guys to do it.

What a woman

Elizabeth Taylor's funeral took place on Thursday afternoon at the Forest Lawn Memorial Parks & Mortuaries in Glendale, California.

The service was scheduled to begin at 2 PM but at Miss Taylor’s request started late. Miss Taylor had left instructions that it was to begin at least 15 minutes later than publicly scheduled, with the announcement, ‘She even wanted to be late for her own funeral.’

"She was unquestionably gorgeous. I can think of no other word to describe a combination of plentitude, frugality, abundance, tightness. She was lavish. She was a dark unyielding largesse. She was, in short, too bloody much." Richard Burton.

The Hairy Bikers in Cardiff

In this rather up-market episode, the Bikers head to Wales for some posh nosh. They discover Welsh cuisine is far more sophisticated than leeks and laver bread as they meet three Mums, each with their own take on what makes food fancy. For Avis Davies, it's a Maltese stuffed marrow dish; Derith Rhisiart takes the humble Welsh cake as the basis for her very posh cheesecake, and for Jewish mum Ruth Joseph no posh table is complete without her special orchid gateaux, made in the tin her mother brought to Britain when fleeing Nazi Germany as a child.

Mum's Know Best, they say. See Icons passim for the scientific proof.

No killing the butcher

From the invaluable Syntax and Lexis in Glamorgan English:

A well-known expression usually found written as ach-y-fi (also ych-y-fi), shown by its usual spelling to be generally taken for Welsh, rather naturally on account of its usually containing a voiceless velar fricative, is curiously enough most likely to be of Flemish origin. It has a Cdf variant akkavee and Wright (1905a) at accabe suggests for that a derivation in common with closely similar forms quoted from Bremen, Holstein and Flemish sources. It has to be remembered that the same fricative value can be associatcd with the general English exclamation ugh, exclamatory noises falling frequently outside the normal phonetic repertoire of a language (see Jones 1977 s. ugh).

Well I never! Ach-y-fi, our very own, and very handy, expression of abhorrence and disgust is actually of Belgian/Dutch rather then Welsh origin. Have you ever heard anything so marvelous? Were you fooled by the voiceless velar fricative as well? There's no shame in it.

Och! "Fool me once, phlegm on you; fool me twice, phlegm on me," as our Scottish cousins say. "Exclamatory noises falling frequently outside the normal phonetic repertoire of a language," being a staple north of the border as well as I recall.

---

Prodnose: I agree. I always agrees with you usually.

Myself: I never believes horoscopes, but I never doubts you.

Prodnose: You know I always say to ask you first, but he just don't.

Myself: Forget it for the minute. Mam won't mind, and I always forgives you.

Prodnose: Trouble is I means well but I puts my foot in it.

Myself: I'll tell him where he gets off.

Prodnose: Tell you what, I reckon that’ll do. I notice you got a new car. I notices things like that.

Dance me to the end of love

Abbeyfest 2011 is still nearly four months away, but I stumbled on this evocative video yesterday and it has whet my appetite for six weeks in the summer. I think we'll sponsor it again.



Anything with Madeleine Peyroux's version of Leonard Cohen's "Dance Me to the End of Love" as its soundtrack has a head start in any event.

Whassup?

I'm quite happy with Blogger, but it looks like the've been putting it on steroids in the lab.

Darling, are we terribly wicked?

In case I was being followed, I went to a matinee of William Douglas-Home's The Reluctant Debutante in Richmond Theatre yesterday, before settling down to watch England versus Ireland in the pub. The play, which is about launching a young gel into the season, is set in 1957 which is scarcely conceivable given that Heartbreak Hotel was released in January 1956 and Look Back in Anger was first produced four months later in May.

The years have not been kind, and it was so lightweight that it might blow away caught in a gust of wind, not unlike England's Grand Slam and Triple Crown aspirations.

(I noticed Susan Hampshire and Eddie Kulukundis in the audience which reminded me that Rod use to work for the Kulukundis shipping company back in the 80s before he ran away to the Congo.)

Note to self

Wales could still land the title - their first since 2008 - but it would require them to beat France by more than 20 points and Grand Slam-chasing England to suffer a similar fate against Ireland in Dublin some three hours earlier.

I really ought to stay out of the bookies today. And yet, and yet ......

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Come on Wales.

That red hair's no lie

Last night's Guinness, spuds, Muppets and Flann O'Brien; more Oirish than Irish but great St Patrick's Day doings none the less.

I felt so sad and so entirely disappointed that tears came into my eyes and a lump of incommunicable poignancy swelled tragically in my throat. I began to feel intensely every fragment of my equal humanity. The life that was bubbling at the end of my fingers was real and nearly painful in intensity and so was the beauty of my warm face and the loose humanity of my limbs and the racy health of my red rich blood. To leave it all without good reason and to smash the little empire into small fragments was a thing too pitiful even to refuse to think about.

The Untrodden Forest

Revisiting my Amazon Associates account on a whim this morning I was delighted to find that I have earned £1.23 from the sale of a copy of Lexicography and the OED: Pioneers in the Untrodden Forest (Oxford Studies in Lexicography and Lexicology)

The mechanism by which this transaction was ascribed to me is unfathomable as I have never linked to Professor Lynda Mugglestone's, no doubt, flawless tome.

Perhaps it relates to the elevated tone of my prose?

Whatever. How do you like them apples?

Smiley Culture

Musician Smiley Culture dies during police raid on Surrey home: Police watchdog launches inquiry as 1980s reggae star dies from stab wounds.

There are so many layers to this turn of events that one scarcely knows where to begin. Irony doesn't even begin to cover it.

I'll just change gears and remember that Squire Ashton (bushy of mustache, and with a demeanor that would have suited tweed) used to perform an hilarious RP version of Police Officer in the chaotic flat I shared with him, Rod and the other Nick back in the 80s.

I am only a voice

I had a meeting in Buckingham Palace's Centre Room this morning. It opens onto the most famous balcony in the world. Add it to the Chinese Dining Room and the Yellow Drawing Room (Icons passim), and you are starting to get quite a collection.

Route and branch

Google has beefed up 3D imagery available via Google Earth to cover the entire royal wedding procession, and the perspective of Icons passim shows me the extraordinary progress the app has made since 2007.

Menace II Society

President Obama, prepare to face your sternest challenge yet: Dennis the Menace, the hero of the Beano, is to celebrate his 60th birthday by tackling the US President.

Dennis, who first appeared in the Beano on March 17 1951, will this week celebrate the milestone in a collector’s edition showing him using his biggest ever catapult to launch several squishy tomatoes.

And Mike Stirling, the Beano editor, revealed that one of the earliest “menacings” of the birthday “Year of the Menace” will involve President Barack Obama.

“We are giving our readers what they want,” he said. “This will be the first time a US President has appeared with Dennis, and his security guards are going to have their hands full when the President visits Beanotown.”

Luke Angel notwithstanding, I think the smart money is on Dennis (and Gnasher).

The Hangover

I have a gentleman's head this morning.

I am deploying the line that it is Andy H's fault for having a birthday, and consoling myself that Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein are apparently teetotal.

I wonder if anyone will stage an intervention? What a wonderful phrase that is.

I don't mind

I ordered Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind for the Kindle yesterday. It is not "published" until March 15th, but on that date it should simply appear, silently and without fuss, on my reader, via the Whispernet.

How fitting that is for an aspiration to the state of ‘no-mind’.

Later, as I sat watching the Bomber's judo lesson, I got a chatty SMS from Andy M saying:

Hello Nick, just reading a new ish Oliver Sacks book called Musicophilia, very interesting read about music and the brain, have you read it? Hope you are well, Ben too, have to get together for a beer sometime .....

Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain sounding right up my street, especially with "The Plastic Brain" (Icons passim) having recently piqued my interest in this area, I whipped out the Kindle to get a copy only to find it is unavailable in any but dead tree format.

There was a gnashing of teeth. I am still some way from enlightenment.

Primary Practice

I went along to the Bomber's Primary Practice graduation from St. George's yesterday.

The Primary Practice after-school club offers Year 5 and Year 6 pupils the opportunity to learn more about medicine and healthcare by taking part in practical activities and teaching them new skills such as basic first aid. The course is delivered by fully trained St George’s Student Ambassadors, and has been designed to develop pupils’ scientific knowledge and enhance their confidence and teamworking skills at this important time of their education.

In 1733, St George's Hospital was opened in Lanesborough House at Hyde Park Corner. The institution has been training medical students since then. And now it is just around the corner. How extraordinary.

catch fire

I have finished reading my first book on the (draws deep breath) Kindle 3G Wireless Reading Device, Free 3G + Wi-Fi, 3G Works Globally, Graphite, 6 as recommended by Chris and Kim.

History should record that the book in question was Honeybee Democracy- I'm eclectic you see - and I have now moved on to Iris Murdoch's "The Sea, The Sea." (If you hack my account it will tell you I've only read 75% of Honeybee Democracy, but that is because I haven't ploughed through the notes.)

The Kindle's been tested on a plane, the tube, the pub and everywhere else you might imagine, and passed with flying colours. I am convinced.

You Did it to Me

A huge and iconic stained glass window hangs in a church in the US state of Alabama, paid for by the people of Wales, after the church was destroyed by bombers in 1963, killing four little girls.

In 1963, racist bombers blew up the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama. The murder of children marked another low in the violent resistance to civil rights.

News of the bombing was broadcast worldwide. Welsh sculptor John Petts heard about it on the radio as he worked in his studio and wanted to do something to help. He contacted The Western Mail, and a campaign was launched to raise money to help rebuild the devastated church. No one was allowed to give more than half a crown – to ensure that no rich benefactor could take credit for the money raised. There were reports of children, black and white, queuing up in Cardiff's Tiger Bay to donate their pocket money.

Tens of thousands of people contributed to the fund. With the money that was raised, Petts was commissioned to create a new stained-glass window for the church. Grand in scale, it depicted the crucified Christ as a black man.

The window is now a focus of worship and has become one of the most famous pieces of art to come out of the darkness of the civil rights period. At its foot is a simple message: "Given by the people of Wales".

Read more today, and listen on Thursday 11.30am-12.00noon BBC RADIO 4.

Has the internet made us stupid?

No, we were stupid already.

We have finally realized that the Internet is much more than a network of computers.

It is an endless web of people. Men and women from every corner of the globe are connecting to one another, thanks to the biggest social interface ever known to humanity.

Digital culture has laid the foundations for a new kind of society.

And this society is advancing dialogue, debate and consensus through communication.

Because democracy has always flourished where there is openness, acceptance, discussion and participation. And contact with others has always been the most effective antidote against hatred and conflict.

That's why the Internet is a tool for peace.

That's why anyone who uses it can sow the seeds of non-violence.

And that's why the next Nobel Peace Prize should go to the Net.

A Nobel for each and every one of us.

This is such a load of cobblers, one scarcely knows where to begin.

Will you be back?

Yoostar 2, "the first console video game that lets players insert themselves into their favourite films and television shows," is out later this week with 80 scenes in the box and hundreds more scenes available online.

This "movie karaoke" game uses the motion-sensing power of Kinect or the PlayStation Eye camera to let nerd-thespians insert themselves into famous movie and TV scenes, starring alongside (or in place of) their favourite actors. Gamers recite classic lines or "flip the script" and deliver a personalized improvisation. Yoostar 2 then scores the performance and lets players upload the scene to Facebook, Twitter, Yoostar 2's in-game Xbox Live or PSN portals, or Yoostar.com. Besides classic scenes, YooStar 2 includes familiar Hollywood sets from Gladiator, I Am Legend, The Matrix, and more.

Trashy as it sounds I am sorely tempted by sharing my takes on Rocky, The Godfather and Casablanca with the world.

motherhood and apple pie

Very few of our taste preferences are biologically preset. Much rather they are linked with some sort of experience. Although there are some genetic factors that cause differences in taste perception, similarities in taste preferences much more commonly reflect similar experiences with types of flavours and foods. The shaping of taste preferences begins in the womb and continues throughout the rest of our lives.

Thus research suggests that the world is so ordered that you don't just think your mother's cooking is the best in the world, your taste develops in such a way that, for you, it actually is. That is marvellous I think

Modern Anglo-Welsh

Our Cath is Catherine Zeta-Jones
Our Kath is Katherine Jenkins

A subtle, yet powerful, dialect that we're speaking, isn't it butt?

The Old Profanity Showboat

I was out at the Battersea Barge last night to see Mark's latest showbiz venture. It is always good to be surrounded by people who are more eccentric than me.

Do, or Do Not

Did you know that Yoda lived in the Rila mountains? Me neither until the Bomber bumped into him last week. He's a lot bigger in real life than he appears in the movies.

We saw Tim Burton's Corpse Bride on the telly when we were in Borovets. There is a sword versus cutlery battle towards the end. "The fork is strong with him," said Ben of the Johnny Depp character.

He has further announced that he is "thinking about Italy" for next year's winter sports holiday, and that he will probably be on a snow board rather then skis.

The path to the dark side, that is.

Dydd Dewi Sant hapus!

St David's Day has been marked with a Welsh Google Doodle.

The second G of the word has been "dressed" in a Welsh hat, a shorter version of the stovepipe, and a full-face piece of lacing, tied under where the chin would be.

The "descender" of the G is wrapped in a shawl with a yellow daffodil in the position of a brooch.

Very fetching. I'm wearing the same costume myself today, as it happens.

time to kill

We had an evening flight from Sofia on Saturday which gave us an opportunity to explore the Bulgarian capital before we lit out.

And so it came to pass that I got to compare and contrast the sublime Alexander Nevsky Cathedral echoing to orthodox chant, with the chanting and running battles that accompanied the "eternal derby" between CSKA (Sofia) and Levski (Sofia).

Disaffected, pudgy, tattooed, shaven headed, closet mummy's boys are the same the world over I guess. I want nothing whatsoever to do with them, and couldn't give a monkey's why they are so cross.

A little later my mood dipped again as I ended my media fast (Icons passim) by arriving in Gatwick at the same time as the last chartered flight shipping beleaguered Brits out of Tripoli.

Prodnose: Maghreb is an Arabic word literally meaning "place of sunset."

Myself: You got that right, buddy.

hubris

I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Groucho Marx (attrib.)

I skied for a whole week's worth of lessons without falling over once which means - if I understand my catechism correctly - that I was on the brink of getting my winter sports cherry back; all previous transgressions being annulled by an indulgence granted in such such circs.

Then on the very last run of the holiday, as I was following the bomber down the mildest of blue runs, I tumbled head over heels and even managed to aggravate (though it is OK now) the old shoulder injury that took me straight from Heathrow to a hospital A&E department the last time I cam back from skiing in Bulgaria.

Prodnose: Thank you very much for that Thomas Aquinas.

Myself: If the highest aim of a captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it in port forever.

Goodbye-ee

We're off to Borovets for a week's skiing over half term. "Various verb forms exist to express unwitnessed, retold and doubful action," in Bulgarian according to Wikipedia which sounds just about right.

Neither you nor Andrew Keen needs to worry as I maintain radio silence while away. A week's media fast beckons.

Cooking the books

I've stumbled on a series - strangely reminiscent of the moribund eat your way around the world in London - called Around the world in 80 dishes. It is in the Indescribablyboring.

Number 15, representing Wales is Bryn Williams' seared scallops, braised chicken wings, jerusalem artichoke and hazelnut jus. Just the thing after a hard day hacking anthracite from a seam.

In an unrelated development Microsoft alumnus Nathan Myhrvold's "Modernist Cuisine: The Art & Science of Cooking," is out.

Take one multimillionaire computer genius, a team of 36 researchers, chefs and editors and a laboratory specially built for cooking experiments. After nearly four years of obsessive research, assemble 2,400 pages of results into a 47-pound, six-volume collection that costs $625 and requires four pounds of ink to print.

I likes chips me.

See Shanti

I went to my 84th yoga class last night; dynamic yoga in Virgin Active. An admittedly eccentric looking woman joined the session a few minutes in after sliding shyly into the studio and asking if I was the instructor. The sneer of cold command comes us trumps again. My life is a triumph of style over substance and I can't even touch my toes without warming up, but I was secretly flattered. She wouldn't have made the same mistake an hour later with slips of girls blooming into headstands as I grunted and failed.

I'm still slightly uneasy (see Icons passim) about what the great unwashed think of asanas, so I'm greatly cheered by WBI Ryan Giggs endorsement of practice as a building block of his sporting longevity.

I can't help but think that the space cadet below however is undoing our good work.

Prodnose: Score another one for the Tiny (yonin) E!

Imagination is Everything

Imagination Is Everything from Mummu on Vimeo.

I've admired the London Parkour scene since 2008: Icons passim.

Ab Fab

You are probably wondering where I got these amazing abs. They’re so ripply and rock hard, they’re difficult to fathom. If I were a character on a reality show about me and my middle-aged acquaintances, I might be nicknamed the Conundrum, in reference to these abs of mine. See, the abs don’t match the visage. My perturbed, puffy face sets you up for a blubbery gut. But then you see these abs, stacked like bricks, clearly delineated, and you have to ask, “Does he work out for two or three hours a day, or does he just work out all day?” Or perhaps you think I purchased them from a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills. My secret is simple—dynamic tension! Constant dynamic tension. Tension that is tense, and dynamic, and never-ending—the best kind of tension there is! I have analyzed each ab and where it draws its tension from so that you, too, can get the abs you’ve always dreamed of!

Valentines day: amateurs and wannabes

We are coming upon a time, known as Valentine's Day, that makes Smoove NB very uneasy. Most people must consider this holiday synonymous with Smoove and his seductive ways. But if the truth be told, Smoove does not much care for St. Valentine's Day. Not at all.

This is, undoubtedly, a shock to my readers, who worship me as a king of seduction. I know from the letters I get that many of the men who read my column use my moves and words to aid them in making their own Valentine's Day a little more special. And to them, I say, stop biting on my styles. For serious, you don't steal another man's seductive moves and pass them off as your own. This column is not a giveaway. This column allows you to observe a serious player play. That is all. Get your own skills.

Damn.

Best of Wales

We're back to winning ways on the rugby field after beating Scotland.

A Cardiff builder has become the first Welshman to be ranked the world number one sea angler and nomintated A Welsh Born Icon by Chris.

I listened to a documentary about the sad story of the song "Without You," and nominate Pete Ham as a Welsh Born Icon myself.

The Prof

Sad news, via Chris, The Prof has passed on aged 90.

I remember a distinguished yet approachable man with an enviably sunny disposition, and a false leg that made a curious hydraulic sound as he enthusiastically propelled himself about the department.

He probably deserved a more diligent student than me; I could never really summon much enthusiasm for the subtle beauty of laminar flow, though it may be telling that I still have my copy of Chemical Engineering Volume 1: Fluid Flow, Heat Transfer and Mass Transfer v. 1 (Chemical Engineering Series)

Here is an obituary from the Telegraph and a tribute from the Uni,

Public Service Announcement

Annual Valentine's Day Stoning Of Happy Couple Held

If you're going to send a card you need to get it in the post today, or at the very latest tomorrow.

Bless me Father

England beat Wales by 26 to 19 in the rugby last Friday. Then the Swiss, those famous goal plunderers, beat us four one at football.

There's an app for that:

Designed to be used in the confessional, this app is the perfect aid for every penitent. With a personalized examination of conscience for each user, password protected profiles, and a step-by-step guide to the sacrament, this app invites Catholics to prayerfully prepare for and participate in the Rite of Penance. Individuals who have been away from the sacrament for some time will find Confession: A Roman Catholic App to be a useful and inviting tool.

these thoughts never stop coming

You go girlfriend. Shades of MC Jabber?

Favelas fellas?

The Bomber and I were lucky enough to be invited round to eat with the Brazilian family of a friend of his this weekend. We had feijoada with a variety of side dishes just like the photo above that I got from wikipedia.

Fried bananas, bacon and toasted manioc (Icons pasim) flour; did anything every sound so ridiculous yet taste so delicious?

To wash it down I brought along a guarana drink and cachaça as a token offering sourced at the inexhaustible Mills' Pastelaria KATAVENTO.

Coupla caipirinhas and the kids are playing, our hosts and their freinds are chatting in Portuguese, and I'm happily brooding on Jobim's Meditação.

Suadade (Icons passim) hitting the sweetspot after England beat us at rugby?

Colin Velvette Presents Sonia Tumbelova

The all female Big Ballet has dropped its 17st threshold to 15st for the first time in its 16-year-history in preparation for the UK tour.

The tour producers has blamed successful healthy eating campaigns, such as those waged by Jamie Oliver for the fall in the number of suitable candidates.

Tour producer of the Russian dance company, Alexej Ignatow, said: “The number of hopefuls weighing 17 stone has dropped significantly, coinciding with sustained global campaigns for healthier eating, perhaps most notably spearheaded by celebrity chiefs such as Jamie Oliver.” The 16-strong alternative group was set up to challenge social standards in the ballet world and dancers weighed in at just under an average 20st during the last UK tour in 2008. The 40-date tour starts in Eastbourne, March 1, and ends in Darlington, April 18.

Unintended consequences.

Rannygazoo

The phrase "bunga bunga" has become inextricably linked with the private life of Italy's Silvio Berlusconi, and for those who have puzzled over its origins an intriguing new explanation of its meaning has been offered.

'I am bunga bunga,' says 36-year-old German actress Sabina Began The comical-sounding phrase made its first appearance back in October, when 17-year-old Moroccan belly dancer Karima El Mahroug - who calls herself Ruby - said she had attended "bunga bunga" parties with other women at Mr Berlusconi's villa in Milan.

Italian newspapers immediately scrambled to find out its origins.

The finger of blame was initially laid upon Mr Berlusconi's friend Col Muammar Gaddafi, with allegations of parties hosted by the Libyan leader involving "harems" of young Western women.

Then stories circulated claiming the phrase owed its origins to a bawdy joke, which Mr Berlusconi's detractors claimed was one of his favourites.

Then this week Sabina Began, German actress and friend of the Italian prime minister, told Sky Italia that she herself was bunga bunga.

"'Bunga bunga' is simply my nickname," the 36-year-old said.

It's a credible-sounding explanation: "Began" and "Bunga" are not so different, and the repetition gives it a more informal, nickname-like quality.

"Everyone thinks: 'My God! What does that mean?" she is quoted as saying. Ms Began went on to explain that it was she who had organised the parties for Mr Berlusconi.

The expression has quickly become part of the Italian vocabulary, says Italian journalist Annalisa Piras, even though no-one really knows what it means.

Hat tip, John

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2 Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an ass.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)


11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

Cardiff Underground

If I was back, it would be just six stops on the Canalog line from Mum and Dad's to the rugby tonight. That would be 'arf tidy.

Number one with a bullet

Myself: At my challenge, by the ancient laws of combat, we are met at this chosen ground, to settle for good and all who holds sway over the five points: us natives, born rightwise to this fine land, or the foreign hordes defiling it.

Prodnose: By the ancient laws of combat, I accept the challenge of the so called "natives." They plague our people at every turn, but from this day out, they shall plague us no more. For let it be known, that the hand that tries to strike us from this land shall be swiftly cut down.

The Daily "we'll be murdered in our beds" Mail has compiled a list (from the new CrimeMapper) of the most violent streets in England and Wales. Swansea's Wind Street is third, but Cardiff has two in the top 10.

Cambrian Road, Newport also shows up at a very respectable number six.

the ravelled sleeve of care

Sleep, as a human endeavor and aesthetic pursuit, is in a terrible state of decay. The great sleepers of our age go uncelebrated, and are even despised for the appearance of effortlessness that pervades their work. It is time that we addressed our culture of insomnia-- but to whom can we look for a philosophy of sleep?

zzzzzzzzzzzz

fifteen minutes of fame

If JIH can fill a cesspool in 30 minutes, ZZ can do the same job in 45 minutes, and XX can do it in an hour and a half, how long will it take all three to fill the cesspool together?

Judge Lord Neuberger Justice Cocklecarrot ruled in favour of the man, known only as JIH.

He said JIH had been in a long-term relationship with someone referred to in court as XX.

He wanted to block a story claiming he had a sexual encounter with someone known by the alias ZZ.

The Court of Appeal heard that when JIH discovered that News Group Newspapers intended to publish a story based on information provided by ZZ, he began legal proceedings - without revealing his identity - in order to stop them.

The King's Speech

I went along to see The King's Speech on Saturday. What a fine movie it is.

I felt insufferably smug as (see Icons passim) I've been in quite a few rooms in Buckingham Palace so I could look down my nose at the film versions.

The Burglar outdid me though; announcing (in a snooty aside whispered loud enough to be heard throughout the auditorium), "that opens the other way," when we saw someone coming through the set designer's attempt at the hidden door in the State Rooms.

Gwilym Simcock

I heard some fine jazz piano on Radio Three as I was channel hopping on the way home from work on Friday.

It turned out to be a guy called Gwilym Simcock (born 24 February 1981 in Bangor, Gwynedd).

http://open.spotify.com/track/33eZP6JxaVALyf9fCkhHaf takes you to him as an artist on Spotify.

Here's an interview from The Guardian last week.

With a following wind I may be able to get the the launch of his new album Tuesday night.

We have a new - and very youthful - Welsh Born Icon.

(Strange to see that it is more than five years -see Icons passim - since I fell for Keith Jarrett's ivory tinkling in exactly the same way.)

kindling

I read yesterday that Amazon has revealed that it has sold more Kindle ebooks than paperbacks in the US during the final three months of 2010.

In April 2006, Crazy by Gnarls Barkley made pop history as the UK's first number one song based on download sales alone.

How long until paperbacks languish as physical singles do now?

it's not easy

Stanford, CA—

Genghis Khan and his Mongol hordes had an impact on the global carbon cycle as big as today’s annual demand for gasoline. The Black Death, on the other hand, came and went too quickly for it to cause much of a blip in the global carbon budget.

Batty: I've done... questionable things.
Tyrell: Also extraordinary things; revel in your time.

Amazonian

On Friday, August 25, 2006 I wrote:

Amazon have just launched a limited Beta of Amazon Elastic Compute Cloud (Amazon EC2) - "a web service that provides resizable compute capacity in the cloud", and I think that the ground may be shifting in our business.

Grinding - as we do - slowly yet exceedingly small, we launched our first production system on Amazon Web Services yesterday, though I'm not going to tell you what it is.

the odour of mendacity

As the country was gripped by Chilcot fever once more, I happened to be reading the recently published diaries of Wallis Simpson from 1934 and came across this eerie passage. In it, Mrs Simpson recounts a conversation with Joachim von Ribbentrop (yes, that Ribbentrop):

Ribbentrop: “…if Germany is rearming it is only because we see other nations building weapons of massive destruction and so naturally we must prepare ourselves also.”

Wallis: “What sort of weapons?”

Ribbentrop: “Ah, of course I cannot tell you precisely, but Herr Goebbels has made a dossier of them. For instance, we know that you have very many chemical and biological weapons remaining from the English War, and Herr Goebbels says that in forty-five minutes the Englanders can be dropping them on Berlin.”

Wallis: “You know this for sure?”

Ribbentrop: “Yes, yes. At least, we know that they have the programs for making them.”

How utterly extraordinary. Hat tip Daisy Meyland-Smith.

distoffside

Richard Keys: Somebody better get down there and explain offside to her

Andy Gray: Women don’t know the offside rule.

Emily Pankhurst: Offside is Law XI in the publication Laws of the Game written by the IFAB and published by FIFA. The law states that, if a player is in an offside position when the ball is touched or played by a team mate, she may not become actively involved in the play. A player is in an offside position if she is closer to the opponent's goal line than both the ball and the second-to-last defender, but only if the player is on her opponent's half of the field. Interpretation of the term "actively involved" has become the subject of complex debate.

Wendy Toms: Too much for my tiny brain. Must be damaged from nail polish fumes.

Endless Balls

Angelheaded Hipsters, an exhibition of photographs the Beat Generation has just opened in the National. The movie Howl; James Franco as Allen Ginsberg - not exactly obvious casting - is imminent, and Walter Salles' film of On the Road can't be too far away.

All in all a perfect storm of Kerouac and all. Will Desolation Angels find its way back into print? See Icons passim.

Silver and Gold

"Adam Hoshall National Champion and Jack Kelly sliver medal, " reported Winston on Facebook from the U20 British Trials in Shefflield yesterdy. I guess he'll be in the Seniors event today.

The British Judo Association will be streaming it live on http://www.britishjudo.org.uk/live/.

I can't help but think that the Bomber has lucked out with his judo club and their winning ways.

a skull full of mush

These three short animations by Headspace will introduce you to the concept of 'mindful' meditation. Don't miss your free guide, How To Meditate in 10 Easy Steps, with the Guardian on Saturday 22 January.

To learn more about Headspace visit getsomeheadspace.com

I've been interested in mindfulness for a while (see Icons passim), but there is still an atavistic part of me that doesn't like the idea of the Grauniad handing out hundreds of thousands of guides to it.

This suggests that I am still some way from enlightenment. There is an explanation, as ever, in the "Annie Hall Sutra":

The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life.

Robinson Crusoe

Back in 2006, I waxed lyrical on the beloved, endlessly repeated TV series that were such a feature of the endless summer holidays of my youth.

Robinson Crusoe was shown every year from 1965 to 1981 in the UK. BBC Radio 4 presents a tribute, history and investigation. The story so far:

Some claim the BBC prints were simply dumped, and others maintain that they were returned to a vault in France in 1982. When, after almost two decades, interest was expressed in a video release, the only surviving copies proved to be this 13-part English edition, in material requiring extensive restoration. Crusoe was rescued only from this single, fragile source and subsequently released on VHS and, more recently, DVD. Of the original French version, nothing remained but the first episode, rendered useless by Portuguese subtitles. It did, however, reveal that the French original had a different, and inferior, music score, fortunately replaced by the music of Robert Mellin - formerly a hit songwriter in Britain - and Gian-Piero Reverberi.

More detail perhaps than you need, but food and drink to me. "Of the original French version, nothing remained, " is as good a summary of the 20th century as you can get.

ten years burning down the road

Wikipedia is ten. If it had to go to school in the UK, it would be in the same class as the New Ninja Bomber.

Time Out

I went to a preview of the first (Martin Scorsese directed) episode of Boardwalk Empire in Leicester Square last night. As I don't have Sky I guess I'll have to wait for the DVD boxed set next year to catch up on the rest.

I also went to the Tate Modern Romantics exhibition on Sunday just in case you're interested.

Oh, and I had a meeting all this morning which is why this is late. Ta.

A Welsh Born Browser

Parke Kunkle

Astronomy instructor Parke Kunkle has generated a wealth of online and watercooler discussion in the US and elsewhere.

He pointed out in a Minnesota newspaper that a wobble in the Earth's rotation meant that the stars were in a different position - as viewed from Earth - than they were 2,000 years ago when the Zodiac was drawn up.

All these years I thought I was Cancerian - considered a "feminine", negative (introvert) sign - it turns out I was a "masculine", positive (extrovert) Gemini.

There's gonna be some changes made; no more hiding crying in the cupboard under the stairs eating boxes of chocolates for me.

flying solo

The Bomber picked up a bronze at yesterday's judo tournament.

The rite of passage however, is that he got on the minibus with the rest of the team at seven o'clock in the morning and went to a competition without me or his mother for the first time.

Hand on heart, it may well be more of a rite of passage for me than for him; my ten year old seems all gwowed up.

the cultural logic of late capitalism

Toxic Waste brand Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars have been recalled by Circle City Marketing and Distributing, doing business as Candy Dynamics, Indianapolis, Ind. The product is imported from Pakistan.

A recent test performed by the California Department of Public Health indicated that some cherry flavor of the bars had slightly elevated levels of lead. No illnesses have been reported to date in connection with this problem.

"It does exactly what it says on the tin."

make believe

They live in a society that prizes the development of career skills but is inarticulate when it comes to the things that matter most. ..... Nor, for all their striving, do they understand the qualities that lead to the highest achievement. Intelligence, academic performance, and prestigious schools don’t correlate well with fulfillment, or even with outstanding accomplishment. The traits that do make a difference are poorly understood, and can’t be taught in a classroom, no matter what the tuition: the ability to understand and inspire people; to read situations and discern the underlying patterns; to build trusting relationships; to recognize and correct one’s shortcomings; to imagine alternate futures. In short, these achievers have a sense that they are shallower than they need to be.

David Brooks' essay (excerpted above) is far from a triumph, what one may term the Childe Harolde portion of it in particular is close to embarrassing, but he has his finger on the pulse.

Icons passim seem to reveal a lineage. In 2008, it was his Neural Buddhists piece set me on the path to reading up on brain plasticity, via taking pleasure in the apparent efficacy of compassion meditation.

I'm starting to conclude that we human beings (as I'm led to believe Auden observed) can never become something without pretending to be it first, which means that if we pretend hard enough we can trick ourselves into genuinely being better than we suspect we are.

Michael Corleone: That's a terrific story. And we have newspaper people on the payroll, don't we, Tom? And they might like a story like that.
Tom Hagen: They might, they just might.

Gimme a break

Rod get the Bomber a Yellow Syma S107 Gyroscope Stabilizing System Aluminium I/R Controlled USB Helicopter for Christmas.

I think I will be needing this spare parts link for running repairs if it gets used as heavily in future as it was last weekend.

Prodnose: The purpose of the Daily Helicopter Operations Briefing/Debriefing Checklist is to provide the Helibase Manager with the means to brief all helibase personnel, including pilots.
Myself: Sir! Yes sir!

Omoplata

In case you also heard Darren refer to it and didn't know what it was:

The omoplata (referred to in Judo as ude-garami or sankaku-garami, 三角緘, "triangular entanglement" or ashi-garami, "leg entanglement") is also a commonly featured shoulder lock in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. The locking mechanism is similar to the kimura lock, but instead of using a figure-four, it is applied using a leg. The omoplata can be applied from the guard, by placing one leg under the opponent's armpit and turning 180 degrees in the direction of that leg, so that the leg moves over the back of the opponent and entangles the opponent's arm. By controlling the opponent's body and pushing the arm perpendicularly away from the opponents back, pressure can be put on the opponent's shoulder. It is also possible to put pressure on the elbow joint by bending the leg entangling the arm, and twisting it in a specific manner. Though an effective lock, it is more difficult than other armlocks to successfully apply. The technique called a monoplata is a similar armlock that resembles juji gatame or spiderweb position yet has a mechanism like a omoplata.

That clear? Me neither. I am sure he was implying it was illegal in judo. Maybe kids aren't allowed to use it.

Ninjago, as they say.

JU(st) DO(it)

Judo started again last night after a month's break over Christmas. The Bomber got his fifth mon grade in December, and he is due to be competing in a team competition for the club on Saturday. I'm not sure where it is but it might be something of a trek because the minibus is leaving at 7am.

Perhaps I will get him an Olympic Judo 50p.

cognitive dissonance

I saw David Hasselhoff and Louie Spence in the pantomime in Wimbledon yesterday.

Camp men past the first blush of youth singing bawdy songs and hurling double entendres over the heads of prepubescent children to celebrate Christmas is a cultural tradition unique to these islands.

It is also - and this is rather puzzling - strangely reassuring.

All hail Lay out Lou with liquid legs and a lisp.

That's life

I'm reading Life: Keith Richards

It's going to take me forever in the best way, because when he starts talking about learning his trade from Jimmy Reed records, I fire up Spotify, crack open my guitar case and learn right along with him.

When you read the book, you can hear Richards' inimitable (though I do imitate it) voice drawling the text in your ear. It reminds me in that way of my beloved Dizzy Gillespie To be, or Not... to Bop and there is no higher praise.

(I'm playing more guitar lately, I know not why. One night in the week I was picking along with Leonard Cohen and was genuinely impressed with my own irascibility when I was sincerely outraged to find that Anthem was in C# rather than C and I didn't have a capo.)

One with everything

Watch the full episode. See more The Buddha.

"Those already inclined to see Buddhism as a loosey-goosey religion that attracts Western space cadets probably won’t have their minds changed," but I think this is good stuff: See Icons Passim.

Whatever, http://video.pbs.org/ is on the side of the angels.

ARM looking over a four leaf clover

FT

Arm Holdings is the pin-up of the UK technology sector. The Cambridge-based group, whose chip designs feature in electronic devices made by international brands such as Samsung, Sony, Nokia and Apple, has seen its share price rise more than 150 per cent in the past 12 months as investors bet big on the group’s growth potential.

On Thursday Arm shares rose by as much as 13 per cent after Microsoft told visitors to the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas that Arm chip designs would feature in a new version of the Windows operating system.

ARM is the only stock I held on to after my foray into the world of shares in 2001. I had half forgotten about it until I read of Microsoft's initiative, and blowing the cobwebs off Yahoo! Finance I see that I am now healthily in the black after years on the red side of the ledger.

The fact that ARM is still trading well below the price it hit 2000 however shows jsut how spectacular the crash of a decade ago was.

Containing Multitudes

Myself: In 2011 I will generally be blogging about "a wholesale collapse of British culture, virtue and belief" and how it has led to "increasing fear, lack of trust and abundance of suspicion, long-term increase in violent crime, loneliness, recession, depression, private and public debt, family break-up, divorce, infidelity, bureaucratic and unresponsive public services, dirty hospitals, powerlessness, the rise of racism, excessive paperwork, longer and longer working hours, children who have no parents... seemingly immovable poverty, the permanence of inequality, teenagers with knives, teenagers being knifed, the decline of politeness, aggressive youths, the erosion of our civil liberties and the increase of obsessive surveillance, public authoritarianism, private libertarianism, general pointlessness, political cynicism and a pervading lack of daily joy".

Prodnose: Hook. Poppin' bottles in the ice, like a blizzard. When we drink we do it right gettin' slizzard. Sippin' sizzurp in my ride; in my ride, like Three 6. Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6.

Entire Company: Like a G6, Like a G6. Now, now, now, now, now, now I'm feelin so fly like a G6. Like a G6, Like a G6. Now, now, now, now, now, now I'm feelin so fly like a G6.

Curtain.

Hold, Nudge, Gamble

Large groups of drinkers should forgo the long-standing tradition where each one has to buy a drink for the entire party to try to cut down on binge drinking.

The suggestion was made by Richard Thaler, a professor at Chicago University, and a key adviser to the Prime Minister on behavioural economics or “nudge” policy.

He said he had discussed the plan with a senior official in the Cabinet Office. “These are the kinds of things that policy makers and publicans should be thinking about,” he said.

No they aren't the sort of things that policy makers should be thinking about. It is none of their business. The last government's misguided meddling in pursuit of an imaginary, aspirational continental cafe culture deeply damaged local pubs, while turning city centres into weekend evening "no go" areas for all but feral youth.

The whole Thaler phenomenon is actually sinister. There is a Behavioural Insight Team inside Downing Street, inspired and advised by the Chicago academic.

Read http://www.instituteforgovernment.org.uk/images/files/MINDSPACE-practical-guide.pdf and weep.

Hundred Thousand Billion Poems

Raymond Queneau’s Hundred Thousand Billion Poems or One hundred million million poems (original French title: Cent mille milliards de poèmes), published in 1961, is a set of ten sonnets. They are printed on card with each line on a separated strip. As all ten sonnets have not just the same rhyme scheme but the same rhyme sounds, any lines from a sonnet can be combined with any from the nine others, so that there are 10 to the power of 14 poems. It would take some 200,000,000 years to read them all, even reading twenty-four hours a day. When Queneau ran into trouble while writing the work he solicited the help of mathematician Francois Le Lionnais, and in the process they initiated Oulipo.

Discover the Pleasures of Understimulation

I am working in the office today, even though it is a Bank Holiday, preparing for tomorrow's VAT rate change.

LONDON—"Brace yourself for five piping-hot minutes of inertia," said William Barrett. Then he began reciting the names of every single one of 415 colors listed in a paint catalog: damson dream, dauphin, dayroom yellow, dead salmon…and on and on and on.

Mr. Barrett's talk was titled, "Like Listening to Paint Dry," and to judge from the droopy faces in the audience, it was a hit. He was speaking, after all, at a conference of boredom enthusiasts called Boring 2010, held here Dec. 11.

For seven hours on that Saturday, 20 speakers held forth on a range of seemingly dreary diversions, from "The Intangible Beauty of Car Park Roofs" and "Personal Reflections on the English Breakfast," to "The Draw in Test Match Cricket" and "My Relationship With Bus Routes." Meanwhile, some of the 200 audience members—each of whom had paid £15 (about $24) for a ticket—tried not to nod off.

"Have you ever heard of 'The Wars of the Apathetic'? Or 'the persecution of the apathetic by the bone idle?"

a game changer

The gym was closed yesterday so I messed about with "Fitness Evolved" for the Kinect. The Zen Energy Class (God help us) "based on Tai Chi and Yoga moves and inspired by Zen philosophy" is just as much of a dog's breakfast as it sounds, but some of the games are fun. And the potential is frankly breathtaking.

A group from the University of Southern California has created what sounds like the coolest Xbox Kinect hack yet: gesture-based spell casting and controls for World of Warcraft. This interests me strangely as the Bomber is still a keen WoW player and updated to the latest Cataclysm expansion pack on New Years Eve.



USC’s Institute for Creative Technologies has created and released FAAST, or the Flexible Action and Articulated Skeleton Toolkit. It’s a middleware toolkit that helps integrate full-body motion controls for games via the Kinect’s sensors. Essentially, ICT makes it possible to map full-body gestures to different keyboard commands.

We'll have to install it on the Bomber's laptop to try it out as that is where WoW lives (and I'm not going to go through the gigabytes of grief setting it up elsewhere). This will need to be managed carefully as he is nervous that the process of integrating the Kinect with a PC will be "bear long" whatever that may mean.

Happy New Year

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann