Saturday, September 06, 2008

Georgia on my mind

Rod - who I've not seen for years - is staying with me for a few days after a domestic implosion on the continent.

It's been interesting talking to him about the situation in Georgia, as he worked for the FCO at the embassy there for a while, and has met Mikheil Saakashvili and other movers and shakers.

He has converted me to the philosophy of the Georgian table; of the tamada and the supra.

Would the world be a better place if we devoted ourselves more seriously to our pleasures?

How can I, that girl standing there,
My attention fix
On Roman or on Russian
Or on Spanish politics?
Yet here's a travelled man that knows
What he talks about,
And there's a politician
That has read and thought,
And maybe what they say is true
Of war and war's alarms,
But O that I were young again
And held her in my arms!

Friday, September 05, 2008

Broken Arrow

Hotel barred soldier from staying night: UK 2008.


I went into a public-'ouse to get a pint o' beer,
The publican 'e up an' sez, 'We serve no red-coats 'ere.'
The girls be'ind the bar they laughed and giggled fit to die,
I outs into the street again, an' to myself sez I:
Oh, it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' 'Tommy, go away':
But it's 'Thank you, Mister Atkins,' when the band begins to play -
The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,
Oh, it's 'Thank you, Mister Atkins,' when the band begins to play.

I went into a theatre as sober as could be,
They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me;
They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls,
But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls!
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' 'Tommy, wait outside';
But it's 'Special train for Atkins' when the trooper's on the tide -
The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide,
Oh, it's 'Special train for Atkins' when the trooper's on the tide.

Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep
Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap;
An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit
Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit.
Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' 'Tommy, 'ow's yer soul?'
But it's 'Thin red line of 'eroes' when the drums begin to roll -
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
Oh, it's 'Thin red line of 'eroes when the drums begin to roll.

We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,
But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;
An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,
Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;
While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that , an' 'Tommy, fall be'ind,'
But it's 'Please to walk in front, sir,' when there's trouble in the wind -
There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,
Oh, it's 'Please to walk in front, sir,' when there's trouble in the wind.

You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all:
We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.
Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face
The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace.
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' 'Chuck him out, the brute!'
But it's 'Saviour of 'is country' when the guns begin to shoot;
An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool - you bet that Tommy sees!

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Burning Chrome

I've just finished updating the spreadsheet that I keep in Google Docs with information on our Google Adsense income. I do that every day that I am in work, but this time I've done it in Google's browser.

My first impressions are that it is very fast, and that the "inspect element" option on the right click menu is a thing of beauty if debugging web pages is your thing.

Come to think of it I am composing this post in Google's Blogger and it will be hosted on Google's servers.

Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world
Like a Colossus; and we petty men
Walk under his huge legs, and peep about
To find ourselves dishonourable graves.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Shoulder to the wheel

Back in the smoke and taking stock, nearly three years on, courtesy of the Colliers Tup wireless network.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Pub Computer

I remember some time ago that The Burglar and I came up with a form factor for the pub computer; small and robust enough to take down the boozer, useful in the age of ubiquitous wi-fi, yet cheap enough not to break your heart if lost.

This is being written in GJs as I test the Aspire One against it. I've had to ask for the wireless network password behind the bar, but that should be a one-off now that the network is configured.

All seems well, though a pub computer is still not cheap enough to chance leaving behind on the bar when you pop to the gents.

This is being written on Friday, but I will set it to publish on Saturday as the bomber and I are off to Wales until next Wednesday evening.

I'll be offline until then unless I can ponce a connection somewhere.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Aspirational

I've finally come out of my Windows safety zone and I'm typing this on a dinky Acer Aspire One ultraportable running Linux.

The end of an era?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Legends

"Eat Your Way Around the World in London" got back on the road last night. We tried to go Ukrainian, but the restaurant was closed for a private function, so we wandered about looking for an alternative (a tricky exercise as we've already done 44 cuisines) until we found the Taiwanese Leong's Legends.

We had landed on our feet according to Time Out:

There’s something conspiratorial about the whole thing. Just when you thought the Chinatown dining scene was torpid, two outstanding restaurants – first Baozi Inn, and now Leong’s Legends, both boasting relatively unknown regional cooking – burst on to the scene with the stealth and cunning of bandits. Which, if you think about it, is a fitting metaphor for the title of this Taiwanese newcomer.

The name refers to the popular classical Chinese novel ‘The Water Margin’, which revolves around the rebel Song Jiang and his 107 comrades (sometimes referred to as ‘Liang’s legends’) who rise up against a corrupt government during the Song dynasty, while taking refuge on Mount Liang (aka Leong).


Good food, but I drank and didn't take any notes. Here is the skinny from Wikipedia (authenticity is implied by the fact that we certainly had the beef noodle soup from paragraph one).

Follow the links for our real and imaginary destinations as we eat our way around the world in London.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

gross anatomy

The Daily Beast is raging:
A bizarre Government-funded campaign is being launched to encourage people to exercise while they’re waiting for a bus.

According to the campaign’s organisers, those minutes spent at the bus stop watching the traffic go by could be spent more usefully – by standing on one leg, pointing your toes or clenching your buttocks.

But the latest attempt to get Britain fit has been slammed by an MP as ‘a shocking waste of taxpayers’ money’.

As a regular exerciser, diagnosed by a personal trainer 30 months ago as mildly kyphotic, let me have my tuppenny worth.

I understand that it is important to clench your buttocks (or fire your glutes as we say in the business).
A common reason for lack of glute function is tight hip flexors. Tight hip flexors are easy to get, and extremely bad for glute activation. When your hip flexors are firing, they turn off your glutes, and make it very hard to activate them, and they end up pretty weak. This is known as reciprocal inhibition. When a muscle is tight (hip flexors) and firing when it shouldn’t be, the opposite muscle, the antagonist (glutes) tends to want to turn off and not work. If you are activating your hip flexors when you shouldn’t be, this is going a long way towards your inability to get the glutes firing. Your hip flexors get really tight from sitting down for a long time.

I'm a slouching desk jockey just like you, and to cut a long story short, we need to stretch our hip flexors as well as toning our derrieres. To do that why not combine a pelvic thrust with the buttock clench?

Next time you are at the bus stop, put your hands on your hips and then - as you clench your butt cheeks - drive and jerk your pelvis forward. Relax and repeat. Relax and repeat. Wave to anyone else at the stop, or even to passers-by, and invite them to join you.

Prodnose: Will you visit anyone who takes you up on this in prison?

Myself (holier than thou): When saw I thee hungered, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?

Prodnose: I give up.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Freebie and the Bean

I don't think I've written before of the Bomber's peculiar and precocious appetite for American indie movies. (He also likes European pictures and is currently pressing Pan's Labrynth on me though I haven't got round to watching it yet.)

Last night (as there was no Muay Thai on a Bank Holiday) we trotted off to the Odeon to see Steve Carell and Alan Arkin (from his beloved Sundance Film Festival breakout Little Miss Sunshine) reunited in the mainstream Get Smart.

We laughed like drains. There is a great cameo from Bill Murray that I recommend unto you.

There's also a supporting role for James Caan. In a scene with him and Arkin, I realised that it was a Freebie and the Bean reunion 34 years on.

Standard fayre on BBC2 when I was growing up, but unavailable on DVD for a new generation. The F&B revival campaign starts here.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Fedor

Trivial as it may be in the scheme of things I've been wondering if Fedor Emelianenko's huge popularity with MMA fans in the States may have some geopolitical implications.

He looks like a redneck's best friend who'd stop off for a few drinks after work, watch your back in a punch up, and never steal your girlfriend.

If the guys in the flyover states imagine a Russian Army made up of fellas like that, the new Red menace is gonna be a harder sell.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Hadrian

I went along to Hadrian Empire and Conflict at the British Museum yesterday.

Did you know that he were a gayer?

More seriously, it is fascinating and wonderfully curated stuff.

Comparing the Pantheon to the Round Reading Room in which the exhibition is mounted is a highlight.

The Emperor casts a long shadow. After the Second Roman-Jewish War, in an attempt to erase the memory of Judaea, he renamed the province Syria Palaestina.

The jury is still out on that one.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2008

Roll of Honour

Nicole Cooke, Women's road race cycling - GOLD
Tom James, Coxless fours rowing - GOLD
Geraint Thomas, Cycling team pursuit - GOLD
Tom Lucy, eight-man rowing - SILVER
David Davies, 10km open-water swim - SILVER

These are turning into a fine Olympics for Wales. You can read the whole history at http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/olympics/7531101.stm.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Leo Abse: F&M

Abse was a prolific author. His publications included Private Member: a psychoanalytically orientated study of contemporary politics (1973), which sought to relate MPs' behaviour and attitudes to their childhood and sexual experiences; Margaret, daughter of Beatrice (1989), a "psychobiography" of Margaret Thatcher; Wotan, my enemy: can Britain live with the Germans? (1994), which won the Wingate Prize from the Jewish Quarterly; The Man Behind the Smile: Tony Blair and the politics of perversion (1996) and, in 2003, a new edition called Tony Blair, the man who lost his smile.
In 2000 he published Fellatio, Masochism, Politics and Love, which purported to be "an analysis of the repressed homosexual components of the relationship between Gordon Brown and Tony Blair"; and in 2006 The Bisexuality of Daniel Defoe: a psychoanalytic survey of the man and his works.

Leo Abse - lawyer, politician, and brother of Dannie - has passed on aged 91. Strange to remark, not one of his books has a berth in my library.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

O'Rooney McVoughtie O'Zoot

"Hipster, flipsters and finger poppin' daddies: Knock me your lobes; I came here to lay Caesar out, not to hip you to him. The bad jazz that a cat blows wails long after he's cut out, the groovy are often stashed with their frames; so don't put Caesar down. The swingin' Brutus hath laid a story on you that Caesar was hooked for power: If it was so it was a sad drag, and sadly hath the Caesar cat answered it..."

I'm off to An Audience with Lord Buckley - the last theatrical flourish of this year's AbbeyFest - tonight.
Pray silence for His Lordship's takes on the Bard of Avon (Willie the Shake), Jesus of Nazareth (The Naz) and Charles Dickens (Old Scroogy Scrooge). You dug him before, re-dig him now!

From what I recall of my (mercifully brief) Slim Gaillard period - around the release of Absolute Beginners - I am likely to be talkin' jive for the next week or so. Apologies in advance.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A prophet without honour

The Met have launched a beta version of a crime mapping site based on Google maps more than three years after I was mulling it.

This morning, the Telegraph is boosting "Predicting the future - with the power of betting", the same three years after I deprecated the US for dropping a plan to create a futures market to help predict terrorist strikes.

Strange how things come around.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Fruit Shoot

I took the Bomber and a couple of his mates to see Clone Wars yesterday at the Odeon.

For the first time in I can't remember how long there was no spoof Orange advert, so here for you viewing pleasure is the great Darth Vader episode from a few years back.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

In the red

The Bomber and I opened his first bank account yesterday.

It was the first time he has ever had to sign a document, which put him in some sort of predicament has he hadn't designed a signature. I seem to remember that I was already practicing autographs at that sort of age, though no one has ever asked me for one.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Legends

Carlos from Jackapong is fighting on the Muay Thai Legends bill at Croydon today but I can't make it as the Bomber and I are long promised to a BBQ afternoon and evening. (I'm marinating jerk chicken, you have been warned.)

Boony vaguely alluded to the fact (and My Muay Thai confirms) that Somluck Khamsing who is on the bill, won a gold medal at boxing in the 1996 Olympics.

I'm staggered. This is exalted company.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Merde! He Wrote

A giant inflatable dog dropping created by the American artist Paul McCarthy was blown from its moorings at a Swiss museum, bringing down a power line and breaking a window before landing in the grounds of a children's home.
The exhibit is the size of a house and has a safety system that is supposed to
deflate it in bad weather.
It is part of an exhibition called East of Eden: A Garden Show, which features sound sculptures in trees and a football ground without goalposts.

An exhibition curated by Dr Strabismus (Whom God Preserve) of Utrecht?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Enter Stage Write

After sitting the last production out, I went along to this week's AbbeyFest Theatre last night. It was a production of Two which (everyone's got a website these days) was written by http://www.jimcartwright.co.uk and featured http://www.danielcreasey.com/ and http://www.yviemagee.com.

It was good stuff.

Regarding theatre, the Wimbledon bookfest writing competition for this year is asking for scripts. Ideally I'd like to have a crack at it, but an August 31 deadline is a bit of a challenge given my workload and giddy social whirl

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Jabber

I used to know MC Jabber (aka Scott Martingell), via his sister, way back in the day, and certainly at least a decade or so ago.

As I recall I gave him a lift to Victoria where he got a bus to the continent, and it seems in time hooked up with a band called Blue Foundation and ended up on the Miami Vice movie soundtrack. Fancy that.

Here he is in his solo beardy glory on YouTube. You'll have to follow the link, embedding is disabled. He looks unchanged since the 90s, as does his jumper.

"Every man's memory is his private literature".

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Greenwich Mean Time

Here is a record of my little fella doing his thing in the ring last weekend for Thai @ Zero Longitude 2008 - the first Thai festival taking place in the oldest Royal Park(?) - just two weeks shy of two years training.

Just as when he first started it took encouragement to persuade him to climb in, but he had a great time once on board and spoke of little else yesterday.

Speaking of Muay Thai, The Contender Asia (renamed "The Contender: Kickboxer) is currently showing in the UK at 9pm Monday and Tuesday nights on ITV4.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Welsh Gold

By the time Nicole Cooke reached the Great Wall of China on her way to winning a gold medal in the women's cycling road race yesterday, it was raining cats and dogs. A thick mist mantled the sharply pointed hills above the Ju Yong pass and the temperature had dropped far enough to mock her decision to wear a thin Lycra skinsuit rather than the normal jersey and shorts. It was, in fact, just like home.

Cooke, 25, is from the Vale of Glamorgan, where wet weather is hardly uncommon. But the conditions had little to do with the Welshwoman's achievement in becoming the first British cyclist, man or woman, to win the Olympic road race. Two years ago, in baking heat, she was the first British rider to win the women's Tour de France.

Nicole Cooke is a gold-plated Welsh Born Icon

Sunday, August 10, 2008

How do you find yourself this morning?

The corporeal instruments of action being strained to a high pitch . . . will soon feel a lassitude.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

The New Great Game

The Caucasus go up in smoke and I haven't the foggiest.

I bought The New Great Game: Blood and Oil in Central Asiafrom Amazon a couple of years ago but never got round to reading it. I'll have to ingest at least chapter 3 " Stalin's Legacy: Georgia" and get back to you.

Caucasians eh?

The end of history eh?

Folly.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Diabolus in Musica

I heard an advert for a touring version of West Side Story on the radio this morning, which reminded me of something that has long puzzled me.

How can the diminished fifth (an interval with which the whole score is drenched - think "Maria") have been deprecated as "Diabolus in Musica" in the Middle Ages and caused controversy when Dizzie Gillespie et al started be boppin' it in the 40s, sound so innocuous to us today? It is at the heart of the perky theme to The Simpsons for goodness sake.

I do however promise not to worry about it excessively.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Will the circle be unbroken?

Back in 2005 I blogged a story about the Herculean labours of a guy called Peter Verney who worked for Save The Children in Sudan in the 80s.

If you scroll down to the bottom of the post, you will see that he left a comment on it in the early hours of this morning.

He's still doing what he can, and says "personally I haven't surrendered: a bit broke these days, maybe, but the resilience of the Darfur people I meet is still humbling".

I'm humbled to hear from him.

Save the children. What a world.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Stitched Up

I been planning to go to the AbbeyFest theatre tonight for Stitching, but I have been saved by Google.

From The Guardian in 2002:
Barely one day into the Edinburgh festival, audiences known for their cast-iron stomachs have staged their first walkouts on grounds of taste.

People left Stitching, a new play by the Scottish writer Anthony Neilson that describes a man masturbating over pictures of women being herded into a gas chamber in Auschwitz. A character fantasises about re-enacting the Moors murders, filming her partner sexually abusing the victims' mothers and putting the footage on the web. She mutilates and stitches up her vagina to the strains of "We will stitch it" from the soundtrack to the children's TV programme Bagpuss.

I think I can do without that particular catharsis, though it seems to be doing well in New York. How unsurprising to find that the useless Mark Ravenhill is a friend and fan of the author.

Festival sponsor I may be, but "include me out".

P.S. Regarding the play's needlework, I seem to recall Ornella Muti had the same idea in 1981's Storie di ordinaria follia, so it's not as if it's even particularly original. Gimme Ms Muti as Princess Aura in 1980's Flash Gordon any day.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Emirates

The Bomber and I attended the Emirates Cup on Saturday for the second year in a row, as illustrated by the photo above that he took from our seats (cf. my photo of the boss at the same venue).

Watching Aaron Ramsay (late of Cardiff City) running out for Arsenal against Real Madrid is a treat indeed.

Queuing up for half an hour in the pouring rain to get the tube home afterwards while being partonised and obstructed by mounted police; less of a treat. What would it have cost PC Witling just to be polite?

Friday, July 25, 2008

Cold Turkey

I am off to Wales with Ben for a week or so, and disappearing from the internet. I think that it is good to do this now and again to clear my head.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

More

I've noticed that there is a new (or new to me) more button on Google Maps UK which allows allows you to display geo tagged Wikipedia articles and Panoramia photos.

These selections don't persist on an embedded map, but you can see them on a link.

Here's one centred on the office which includes the Wikipedia articel on Merton Priory that I originally wrote and tagged, as well as this photo of the water wheel which is better than mine. The willow is gone now I'm sorry to say.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Sudden Impact

Sir Ian Blair is facing calls for an official inquiry after it emerged that Scotland Yard contracts worth more than £3 million were awarded to a company owned by his close friend and skiing companion.

Andy Miller ran the firm Impact Plus, which has been awarded a series of lucrative technology deals by the Metropolitan Police.

We worked with Impact Plus and Andy Miller back in the day. Small world, and a strange coincidence for the story to "emerge" this week.

(Impact Plus was bought out by Hitachi in 2007. Consulting is an odd sort of shell game.)

Monday, July 21, 2008

Feats of Clay

It is good to see Tom Wolfe is still banging stuff out.

Our initial acquaintance was built on imported Bantam paperbacks bought from Lears in the Arcade all those years ago.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Ballad of Max Mosley

I was introduced to someone on Friday night who recognised my name and knew of my weblog.

This sort of thing always amazes me, but on this occasion I was bewildered to be told that it had been returned in the results set of a query about sadomasochsim.

I write this rubbush every day, and I can't ever recall the likes of the thwack of cane on buttock making an appearance.

Any ideas? I'm entirely bemused.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

A Plus

The Bomber spent much of yesterday writing his name, my name, my company's name etc. in hieroglyphics. I didn't even know they could be phonetic.

It is good for the soul to have your eyes opened by a seven year old.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Ga Ga over Goo

I find that I'm using Google's online applications more and more. There hasn't been any road to Damascus conversion (like the Telegraph's). It is more a matter of convenience for individual tasks. It is very useful for me - for example - to combine feeds from Basecamp with Google Calendar.

I came across www.goosync.com yesterday, which allows me to sync my Google Calendar to my N95 over the wireless net.

Are things coming together or have I always had my head in the cloud(s)?

Thursday, July 17, 2008

P P Paprika P Penguin

We went for a crafty ruby at Paprika last night after working late.

I don't check restaurant bills to the last decimal point, but I do generally run an eye down the list of things for which I'm being charged.

"What's this?" I demanded last night when I didn't recognise an charge.

"It's the 20% discount for early and midweek dining," replied the waiter.

I looked again and the rogue item did in fact reduce the bill. I decided not to insist on its removal and tipped more heavily than usual to hide my embarrassment.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Busy Louie

Having finished "The Colour of a Dog Running Away", I allowed myself a treat from my current favourite participatory-martial-arts-memoir genre, before embarking on the seven hundred odd pages of the el grupo mandated "Daniel Martin".

The New York Times says:

In the ring his nickname was Busy Louie. In the classroom, where he spends much more of his time these days, it is easy to see why. Confined by street clothes, his feints and jabs accompanied not by leather gloves but merely by a dwindling piece of chalk and a blackboard eraser, Loïc Wacquant, a professor of sociology at the University of California campus here, all but dances his way through a seminar on the criminal justice system.
Twisting, turning, hopping, scribbling, he is in constant motion, demonstrating, for an oblivious audience of a half-dozen sleep-deprived graduate students, the fleet-footed agility that fueled his brief, abortive stint as a pugilist and nearly derailed his academic career.
Body and Soul: Notebooks of an Apprentice Boxer is the work in question. It is an extraordinay combination of yada yada yada:
Just as one cannot understand what an instituted religion such as Catholicism is without studying in detail the structure and functioning of the organization that supports it, in this case the Roman Church, one cannot elucidate the meaning and roots of boxing in contemporary American society-at least in the lower regions of social space, where it continues to defy an extinction periodically announced as its imminent and inevitable fate-without canvassing the fabric of the social and symbolic relations woven in and around the training gym, the hub and hidden engine of the pugilistic universe.

..... with precise, local and evocative reportage.

Check it out, you won't regret it.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

P P P Pick Up a Penguin

Club Penguin (Waddle around and meet new friends!) is the current online hangout of choice for my seven year old and his friends.

According to Wikipedia:
Club Penguin is an online game developed by New Horizon Interactive. Using cartoon penguins as avatars, players waddle around, chat, play minigames, and participate in other activities with one another in a snow-covered virtual world. After beta-testing, Club Penguin was made available to the general public on October 24, 2005 ........ The success of Club Penguin led to New Horizon being purchased by The Walt Disney Company in August 2007 for the sum of $350 million, with an additional $350 million in bonuses should specific targets be met by 2009.

Seven hundred million clams! I am in the wrong business.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Don Mullan

The idea of Pele attending the unveling of a statue of Gordon Banks is heart warming but it is not as delightfully incongruous as Archbishop Desmond Tutu bowling up as well.

I was stopped in my tracks though as I glanced through the BBC coverage and read:
The statue - made by local artist Andrew Edwards - is the brainchild of Irish author Don Mullan who has written a book about the star called The Hero Who Could Fly.
Back in 2006, Don Mullan emailed me after I blogged about a piece he wrote on this very subject in The Times.

I googled him out of interest yesterday. He is an interesting man according to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_Mullan, which also appears to explain the Tutu connection.

As I wrote at the time, "the rich and intricate connections we can make in this new medium never fail to astonish me".

Sunday, July 13, 2008

R&J

I went to see Shakespeare's R&J performed in the open air at AbbeyFest last night.
Four Catholic schoolboys "get the act of contrition and the conjugation of Latin verbs out of their system by meeting secretly, as if in a midsummer night's dream" to act out the tragic tale of Romeo and Juliet. They soon become swept away, and the rigidity of their daily lives begin to parallel the lives of the characters in distant Verona: roles in the family, roles in society and the roles played by men and women seem to make all the sense in the world, and then suddenly, they seem to make no sense at all. Perception and understanding are turned upside down as the fun of play-acting turns serious and the words and meanings begin to hit home and universal truths emerge.
Personally I could have just done with a production of Romeo and Juliet unencumbered with such a framing but it was still pretty good. If I may be allowed a small quibble, Catholic public school boys in the 50s would be struggling with the Holy Ghost not the Holy Spirit.

The author blogs at http://www.joecalarco.blogspot.com/. The developing production blogged at http://shakespearesrandj.blogspot.com/ and blogs its tour at http://rjontour.blogspot.com/.

For all my earlier reservations, I think it is rather splendid to be able to read the actor playing Romeo's thoughts about his developing performance.

You can still catch the last performance at the Mills tonight.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Hair of the Dog

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
I finished reading "The Colour of a Dog Running Away" this morning through the fog of a gentleman's head occasioned by last night's AbbeyFest, and reflected that this was the first book I've read since Sean's "Deadwater" in which the central character drinks as much as, if not more than, me. What is it with Welsh authors and protagonists and booze?

I can't say much about the book pre el grupo meeting, but it certainly contains a scene worthy of a Bad Sex in Fiction Award; whenever I read about tongues "flickering" I get a mental image of monitor lizards rather than any sort of erotic charge.

Welsh fiction is a bibulously libidinous bibliography, and if your tongue can twist that without tripping (or flickering) you are not drunk.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Inset Day

Teacher Training Day - each year five days during term-time are set aside for staff training. Pupils do not attend school on these days.

Alternatively, one of five days a year I have to take off work, it not being possible for teachers to obtain this training during- say -the six weeks holiday they have in the summer.

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Look Lively

"Google has launched an online 3D virtual world called Lively, which it hopes will rival Second Life.

"Lively allows users to create personalised avatars and virtual rooms. These rooms can be based around any theme, and filled with customised architecture and furniture, as well as elements from the web."

"YouTube videos can be watched within a virtual PC, for example ....."

That last bit is eerily reminiscent of World of Word of Warcraft don't you think?

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Gentlemen at Arms

I wasn't allowed to take photographs in Buckingham Palace or the grounds yesterday so here is a Welsh themed picture I got outside.

Once we were inside I was hailed by another guest, a guy I knew from ACPO. We must really be moving in exalted circles if we're bumping by chance into acquaintances at this sort of high falutin' bun fight.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Kylie Minogue at Buckingham Palace


You can post an embedded YouTube video direct to Blogger from within YouTube, so here is Kylie from the Royal Channel as a test.

I am off to the Garden Party at Buckingham Palace this afternoon.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Gr8 my teeth

Gordon Brown is flying off to Japan with a packed lunch made up from Sunday's leftovers.

I've considered the G8 forum entirely ludicrous since the posturing about Africa at Gleeagles in 2005, accompanied by Bono et al. I haven't noticed that the benighted continent has got any better since then, have you?

This year they are going to solve global warming, which (in the absence of representatives of China and India with regard to pumping carbon into the atmosphere or Brazil and Indonesia with regard to safeguarding the rainforests that suck it up) will be a good trick.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Mea Culpa

I was so caught up in the tennis that I forgot to post anything today. This note is a cheat and a stub.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

The Last Englishman

I have a new hero: Lieut. Colonel Alfred Daniel Wintle.

Jim Broadbent made a TV film about him. I haven't watched it yet but I have assembled a YouTube playlist at http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=8DA4799684E2A0F1

Friday, July 04, 2008

WoW, Why oh Why?


Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play A Character Playing Warcraft.

Genius from The Onion that is disturbingly close to how I often felt watching the Bomber play. That said he seems to have drifted away from it lately. His current computer hobby is compiling lists of arcane facts about spiders and arranging them in extravagant WordArt fonts in Microsoft Publisher. Go figure.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Foodie


The sharpness of the lemon filling is perfectly balanced by the sweetness of the meringue.

Tim Hayward is right.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

With a Wimpey

Taylor Wimpey today admitted that it has been unable to secure nearly £500 million in funding from investors, putting Britain's largest house builder at risk of breaching its banking covenants.

Shares in the company plunged 49.7 per cent to 30.5p after it blamed "current market conditions" for its failure to raise new capital.

Peter Redfern, chief executive at Taylor Wimpey, said the company had managed to secure a proportion of the capital from its existing shareholders, but was unable to raise the remaining sum from new investors "within a short period of time".

Mr Redfern said the company would pursue its existing strategy of tapping investors for money ......

"Its existing strategy of tapping investors for money". Hmmmmmm, I don't think I've heard panhandling described as strategic before.

I refer you to my comments of last year.

To recap, Godfrey Mitchell built Wimpey up from practically nothing into a group that may have been the biggest contractor in the world by the Seventies.

Since he retired it has done little but decline.

A warning from history perhaps for the post-Gates Microsoft.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Time Out of Joint

Dutch coffee shops, long considered as synonymous with the Netherlands as tulips or attacking football, face a new challenge from today when a ban on smoking tobacco in restaurants and cafes comes into effect. The owners claim the law, which will allow customers to light up potent tobacco-free pure cannabis joints but ban milder spliffs in which tobacco is mixed with cannabis, threatens to put hundreds of them out of business.
Mark Jacobsen, chairman of the BCD, a nationwide association of coffee shop owners, said proper implementation of it would require inspectors to check each cannabis joint for tobacco content.
He said: "It's absurd. In other countries they look to see whether you have marijuana in your cigarette, here they'll look to see if you've got cigarette in your marijuana."

Beachcomberesque genius from the Lowlands.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Good Faces for Radio


Living for pleasure alone, I like to get along to the movies every few weeks (the Bomber and I are due at Kung Fu Panda next weekend for example). Lately however whenever the curtain goes up at the Odeon I have the four minutes of gibberish above shoved down my throat without even the warning of a Pearl and Dean fanfare. I think I'll have to start turning up five minutes late.

Tim Westwood sets the gold standard, but almost every other night time Radio One DJ seems to be a half-wit who was regularly beaten with the ugly stick as a child as well. Trevor Nelson is the only one you could imagine talking to without entertaining thoughts of strangulation.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

York Hall

I went along to a Thai Boxing promotion in York Hall last week. Two guys from Jackapong were fighting, so we were supporting them, and they both won by the way, but I was also keen to visit the place itself deep in the heart of East End "knees up" territory whence I seldom venture.

The Evening Standard waxed lyrical about it when it was threatened with closure half a decade ago:
York Hall is to boxing what Wembley is to football and Lord's is to cricket. If it were possible to wring out an atmosphere heavy with sweat, smoke and noise, the residue would fill a dozen of the spit buckets that reside beneath the ring's red and blue corner posts.

It is said that acclaimed American writer AJ Liebling of the New Yorker made a pilgrimage so that he could sample for himself York Hall's unique ambience.

Liebling's countryman, former world heavyweight champion ' Terrible' Tim Witherspoon, flew the Atlantic specially so that he could say he fought in a ring where spectators can almost touch the gloves of the boxers by leaning over from their seats in the balcony.

That, and particularly the second sentence, is probably laying it on a bit thick, but it is a fine venue. I'm a sucker for stuff like:
Former world welterweight champion John H Stracey used to jog to his schoolboy fights at York Hall from the family home behind the Blind Beggar pub, infamous for its association with the Kray twins.

etc.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Tales of Mere Existence


I saw "Procrastination" the short film above when I took the Bomber to the new Indiana Jones movie. Thanks to the Mini ad for bringing it our way: http://ingredientx.com/ earns a place in the blogroll I think.

Everything is changing in the world of moving pictures. There is a new BBC IPlayer in Beta, and you should be able to watch YouTube on your TV with the new Google Media Server.

Are we starting to see the outlines of a way that a small player like Lev Yilmaz, the Procrastination animator, could make an independent living via these sorts of tools?

Friday, June 27, 2008

Garden Party

I'm going to a garden party at Buckingham Palace in a couple of weeks.

How do you like them apples?

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Jom Makan

I spotted the newly opened Jom Makan a fortnight ago, when we went to the Texas Embassy Cantina, so we toddled along last night to test the cuisine of Malaysia against our palates, and shared:

Popiah Sayur: Deep fried mixed vegetables in thin spring roll skin served with a sweet chilli sauce
Cucur Udang: Deep fried prawn in batter with mixed vegetables served with sweet chilli sauce
Nasi Goreng: Spicy pan-fried rice with prawn, squid, chicken and mixed vegetables
Bee Hun Goreng: Fried, fine rice noodles with chicken, seafood, beansprouts and mixed vegetables

Great food, and a fusion of many Asian influences, but a truly terrible website. Follow the links for our real and imaginary destinations as we eat our way around the world in London.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Plot Spoiler

A stranger has come
To share my room in the house not right in the head.

I've seen The Edge of Love. You're not surprised I went to see a film with a Welsh theme are you?

Truth be told, in the movie, Dylan Thomas, his wife, and his first love are such vain, self regarding gadflies that I found myself thinking that it would have been no bad thing if the cuckolded Killick's attempted massacre had come off.

Here's my attempt at conveying the elevated tone of the screenplay:

Dylan: Oh come over by here and give us a hug Cait, my lovely. Give us a shag, there's a good girl. The pub won't be open till lunchtime and I haven't had my jollies since I grabbed Myfanwy between the outhouse and the sceptic tank just after breakfast. Gaggin' for it I am, my darling. Put the baby in the coal house and we'll have a nice bunk up.

Caitlin: Go to hell you filthy goat! I'm still flushed after the postman and this pinafore doesn't button and unbutton itself. How do you like this carving knife? Step to me my bass baritone; you'll step back a soprano, and without your tail between your legs mind you. Anyway, where's the gin?

Dylan: I have drunk it all my lodestar, my love spoon, my Lilith, my lady. Thirst come, thirst served. All gone it is, but I wrote you a lovely poem.

Caitlin: There's a heart melter of a bard you are, Mr Thomas. Rhyme your verse to your Mrs. Thomas.

Dylan: I bought a lot of Brandy
When I was courting Sandy
I aimed to make her randy
So all I had was shandy
Another thing with Sandy
What often came in handy
Was passing her a Mandy
She didn't half go bandy

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Pajama Game

I knocked off another book in what Matt Polly calls the "idiot-participatory-martial-arts memoir category" over the weekend: The Pajama Game.

I did judo briefly when I was primary school age. Mark Law - the author - didn't even take it up until take it up until he was pushing 50, and many of the venues in the book, like the Budokwai, are within striking distance of here.

Ray Stevens, the Olympic silver medalist (and Brazilian Jui-Jitsu black belt under Roger Gracie) who features prominently has a Wimbledon judo club.

It is all rather worryingly tempting.

Oh, and it is a good book. Perhaps the "self-deprecating-participatory-martial-arts memoir category" would be more accurate.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Gateway to the South

Journey Planner





Advanced optionsTransport for London

I'm just trying out the Transport for London Widget above. It's not like I'm having a party or anything.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Add this




I don't really expect anyone to use the Add This button, I'm just checking it out as I am intrigued.

They serve up billions of buttons a month, and give you free analytics providing statistics about how readers are bookmarking and sharing your content.

I wonder how they make money?

Friday, June 20, 2008

Too much perspective

Online maps with crimes plotted on them every month are set to be introduced in England and Wales, Gordon Brown says.
See Icons passim.
The PM was responding to a Cabinet Office report suggesting people felt "cut off" from the justice system.
Louise Casey's paper said criminals' punishment needs to be much more "visible" to restore public confidence in the justice system.
See Icons passim.

It is strange now that I have been writing here for a while, how much of the news prompts memories of old posts. I'm not sure that I could remember what I thought three years ago otherwise.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Mrs Eddy

At the fifth time of asking we finally won the monthly quiz in the Colour House Theatre last night and walked off with a case of red wine as a prize.

I went to see Mrs Eddy there earlier in the week; Christian Science agitprop theatre is a new and hopefully ephemeral category.

Back in April I saw Facades. The writer and director asked me what I thought of it. "It is an interesting historical period," I replied diplomatically.

Much theatre is pomised in AbbeyFest this year.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Social Graph

This is posted from within the Daily Telegraph Website.




Update: This is the link. Interesting.

Another Update: Apparently Picassa automatically generates an album of all the pictures I upload here.


Again, interesting. What can it all mean?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Pride

Reassuringly symmetrical intentions cannoned through the generations on Father's Day when I gave my Dad a DVD of the Calzaghe/Hopkins fight, and my son gifted me "No Ordinary Joe", Calzaghe's autobiography.

I'm glad that he hinted yesterday that a fight with Roy Jones Jr in November is likely to be his swansong. Win or lose against a legend like Jones his legacy as the greatest ever British fighter will be secure.

What could he possibly get from a fight with Kelly Pavlik except the chance of an upset?

Prediction: Post Calzaghe, Andre Ward will be the next long reigning boss of the super middleweights.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Back on the block

More notes from my Quixotic campaign to claim everyone and everything for Wales:

(Alex) Haley helped (Quincy) Jones trace his own ancestry: two-thirds African (from Cameroon) and one-third French, Cherokee and Welsh, Jones says. George Washington was an ancestor, but Jones identifies with his African heritage. "Does this look Welsh?" he says, pointing to his skin.

Well actually Q, from here it kinda does.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Abbeyfest 2008

The line up for Abbeyfest 2008 is out. We're sponsors again. Come and say hello at the jazz one Friday night.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

a complete history of my sexual failures

There are good film titles, and then there are great film titles.

Friday, June 13, 2008

SOUTH AFRICA v WALES


After last weekend's 43-17 loss, Wales have revamped their team for tomorrow's second Test against South Africa in Pretoria.
At least - as the photo above shows - the Colliers Tup has got its priorities right.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Remember the Alamo

That was inedible muck and there wasn't enough of it.


I've been to a buffet at the Texas Embassy Cantina before, but never made an official eat your way around the world in London stop.

That was remedied last night. I had Ribs and Flautas, then Southern Fried Steak.

Southern fried steak is "hand battered and fried steak with homemade cream gravy, corn served with fries or mashed potatoes". It is an authentic recipe it would seem, but I thought it was disgusting.

Can't win 'em all I suppose.

Rooster Cogburn: If ever I meet one of you Texas waddies who ain't drunk water from a hoofprint, I think I'll... I'll shake their hand or buy 'em a Daniel Webster cigar. How long you boys down there been mounted on sheep?

Onwards! And follow the links for our real and imaginary destinations.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

High Concept

The manufacturers of the Concept 2 rowing machine host a Personal Training Log, and Online World Rankings on the website.

You can sign up at http://www.concept2.com/sranking03/log_start.asp.

This will allow you to enter and keep track of all of your workouts online and to see a list of your personal world ranking entries.

I put my ordinary times in for 500m and 5000m and found myeslf towards the bottom of my peers.

No matter, I can now use the Pace Boat facility on the PM3 controllers gradually to work my way up the rankings.

It's good for motivation when you know you can be promoted just for turning in a time a tenth of a second faster than your previous entry.

Less generously, I wonder what perecentage of the times claimed reflect inflated performances.

Anyone fancy joining me up there?


Becoming “Training Partners” enables two or more people to view each others' logbooks. There is no limit to the number of Training Partners a person can have.

To set up a "training partner", you enter the ranking ID number for the person you wish to have as a training partner into the field provided (your ranking ID number is found in your profile settings) on your Profile page. That person will then see your name appear as a ‘pending’ training partner in their logbook on the Profile page. As soon as your training partner enters your ranking ID number into their log, your partnership is established.

Once the partnership is set up - their name will appear on the Profile page along with a link to a modified log page that shows the meters that your partner has rowed - this way you and your partner can keep track of the meters that each other has rowed.
It is yet another social network really, with a fairly simple iGoogle widget at http://fusion.google.com/add?moduleurl=http%3A//www.concept2.com/sranking03/rss/personal_gadget.xml

Monday, June 09, 2008

The Victorian Sex Explorer

Sir Richard F. Burton being an interest of mine, I feel duty bound to promote anything that makes the great man better known.

Thus, on Channel 4 at 9pm tonight:
Rupert Everett takes a revealing and witty journey following in the footsteps of one of his great heroes, the infamous Victorian explorer and sexual adventurer, Sir Richard Francis Burton.
Rupert Everett? God help us! But as a Burton completist I will have to watch it. (He may have been flawed, but at least Burton was sound on the Welsh.)

No doubt I will be rolling my eyes all the way through tonight's show. I predict for example that it will - as almost everyone from Swinburne on has done - present Burton's wife, the formidable and Catholic Lady Isabel, as some kind of hysterical bluestocking. This is nonsense. I take the Mary Lovell line.

Then again, perhaps it will be even handed and fine. A few short hours will tell.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Hellraisers

Reading a review of entertaining sounding "Hellraisers: The Life and Inebriated Times of Burton, Harris, O'Toole and Reed" sent me back decades yesterday to the day that Sean Cashin, a schoolmate, told me - out of the blue as I recall - that his uncle Fergus was ghost writing Oliver Reed's autobiography.

I don't recall giving it another thought until I saw a copy of "Reed all about Me" in the local library. I was intrigued enough to borrow and read it, and delighted to find that the middle section - though apparently written in the first person by Oliver Reed - contained several excellent stories of the carousing of one Fergus Cashin which had only the most cursory connection, if any, to the putative author.

Memory roused yesterday, I googled him and found that in his pomp:
Nobody ever came into this newspaper business and left a bigger outline on the saloon bar floor than the magnificent Fergus Cashin. He was the grandest, most rip-roaring, one-man riot who ever tripped over the uneven pavements of old Fleet Street.
In his day he was the prince of all characters, an awesome giant of fun and fighting and a late-night legend in every joint in the West End that stayed open until dawn.
Opening hours were any time he was awake
....... read on .....

He's lost to us now, but even in the twilight of his years:
Fergus had given up liquid lunches but not the liquid dinners when I worked with him a decade after he had thrown his final punch in The Street.
My first day in journalism was at the Woking News and Mail in the summer of 1986 and at 11-ish the swing door was kicked open, and in walked Fergus.
..........
That evening, he invited me for a jar at the office local, The Red House.
After that, journalism became fun.

Tremendous stuff. Fergus Cashin, a Welsh Born Icon.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

El Guapo

After my unexpected success with "American Shaolin" I've hit a bit of a lean spell in the book club department with my peers failing to finish - never mind enjoy - both "Crime and Punishment" and "Bombay: Maximum City".

We've had the hardy perennial "The Great Gatsby" and Fowles' "Daniel Martin" nominated for the next meeting. Fair enough. Chris and I still have to step up to the plate, so I'm going back to the genre that's worked for me in the past with A Fighter's Heart: One Man's Journey Through the World of Fighting

I read it last year and by coincidence there's an extract from it in The Times this morning.

What about it guys, will you follow Sam Sheridan (and the shade of George Plimpton) as he trains for Muay thai in Bangkok, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu in Rio, boxing in Oakland and MMA in Iowa?

An Amazon reviewer of a previous edition said, "how can someone so obviously intelligent say such dumb things?"

Irresistible.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Ripley's Believe It Or Not!

I am very partial to daft, parochial Welsh "facts" such as:
significantly, of the 68 titles awarded by the four main alphabet organizations, only 13 were held by American boxers at the end of 2007, while the small Welsh town of Newbridge, with a population of only 9,000, was home to four.

It comes courtesy of this piece on Gary Lockett's fight with Kelly Pavlik this Saturday.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

stream of unconsciousness

I've found the copy of Black Swan Green that I lost, I thought I had left it in Virgin Active as I was reading it during a half hour on the recline exercise bike, but when I asked at reception I was told that they hadn't got it, yesterday however I found it on one of their bookshelves, it was unquestionably mine as a page was turned down at the exact point I was up to, I've been training at Virgin Active as it is so near the office for just over three years now , ever since it opened, sometimes I do weights and sometimes I do cardio, I find that I sweat more on the bike than on the treadmill or rowing ........

Prodnose: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Myself: I accept that, as an anecdote, it does lack vim and panache; probably not worth pitching to a Hollywood studio then?
Prodnose: Probably not no.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Parker Adderson, Philosopher

Good old Radio4: I heard a fine short story written by Ambrose Bierce and read by Stacey Keach yesterday as I was driving back from Basingstoke yesterday.


You can listen to it here for the next week (next week I think there'll be another story at the end of the link) or read it below.



"Prisoner, what is your name?"

"As I am to lose it at daylight tomorrow morning it is hardly worth while concealing it. Parker Adderson."

"Your rank?"

"A somewhat humble one; commissioned officers are too precious to be risked in the perilous business of a spy. I am a sergeant."

"Of what regiment?"

"You must excuse me; my answer might, for anything I know, give you an idea of whose forces are in your front. Such knowledge as that is what I came into your lines to obtain, not to impart."

"You are not without wit."

"If you have the patience to wait you will find me dull enough to-morrow."

"How do you know that you are to die to-morrow morning?"

"Among spies captured by night that is the custom. It is one of the nice observances of the profession."

The general so far laid aside the dignity appropriate to a Confederate officer of high rank and wide renown as to smile. But no one in his power and out of his favor would have drawn any happy augury from that outward and visible sign of approval. It was neither genial nor infectious; it did not communicate itself to the other persons exposed to it--the caught spy who had provoked it and the armed guard who had brought him into the tent and now stood a little apart, watching his prisoner in the yellow candle-light. It was no part of that warrior's duty to smile; he had been detailed for another purpose. The conversation was resumed; it was in character a trial for a captial offense.

"You admit, then, that you are a spy--that you came into my camp, disguised as you are in the uniform of a Confederate soldier, to obtain information secretly regarding the numbers and disposition of my troops."

"Regarding, particularly, their numbers. Their disposition I already knew. It is morose."

The general brightened again; the guard, with a severer sense of his responsibility, accentuated the austerity of his expression and stood a trifle more erect than before. Twirling his gray slouch hat round and round upon his forefinger, the spy took a leisurely survey of his surroundings. They were simple enough. The tent was a common "wall tent," about eight feet by ten in dimensions, lighted by a single tallow candle stuck into the haft of a bayonet, which was itself stuck into a pine table at which the general sat, now busily writing and apparently forgetful of his unwilling guest. An old rag carpet covered the earthen floor; an older leather trunk, a second chair and a roll of blankets were about all else that the tent contained; in General Clavering's command Confederate simplicity and penury of "pomp and circumstance" had attained their highest development. On a large nail driven into the tent pole at the entrance was suspended a sword-belt supporting a long sabre, a pistol in its holster and, absurdly enough, a bowie-knife. Of that most unmilitary weapon it was the general's habit to explain that it was a souvenir of the peaceful days when he was a civilian.

It was a stormy night. The rain cascaded upon the canvas in torrents, with the dull, drum-like sound familiar to dwellers in tents. As the whooping blasts charged upon it the frail structure shook and swayed and strained at its confining stakes and ropes.

The general finished writing, folded the half-sheet of paper and spoke to the soldier guarding Adderson: "Here, Tassman, take that to the adjutant- general; then return."

"And the prisoner, General?" said the soldier, saluting, with an inquiring glance in the direction of that unfortunate.

"Do as I said," replied the officer, curtly.

The soldier took the note and ducked himself out of the tent. General Clavering turned his handsome face toward the Federal spy, looked him in the eyes, not unkindly, and said: "It is a bad night, my man."

"For me, yes."

"Do you guess what I have written?"

"Something worth reading, I dare say. And--perhaps it is my vanity--I venture to suppose that I am mentioned in it."

"Yes; it is a memorandum for an order to be read to the troops at reveille concerning your execution. Also some notes for the guidance of the provostmarshal in arranging the details of that event."

"I hope, General, the spectacle will be intelligently arranged, for I shall attend it myself."

"Have you any arrangements of your own that you wish to make? Do you wish to see a chaplain, for example?"

"I could hardly secure a longer rest for myself by depriving him of some of his."

"Good God, man! do you mean to go to your death with nothing but jokes upon your lips? Do you know that this is a serious matter?"

"How can I know that? I have never been dead in all my life. I have heard that death is a serious matter, but never from any of those who have experienced it."

The general was silent for a moment; the man interested, perhaps amused him--a type not previously encountered.

"Death," he said, "is at least a loss--a loss of such happiness as we have, and of opportunities for more."

"A loss of which we shall never be conscious can be borne with composure and therefore expected without apprehension. You must have observed, General, that of all the dead men with whom it is your soldierly pleasure to strew your path none shows signs of regret."

"If the being dead is not a regrettable condition, yet the becoming so--the act of dying--appears to be distinctly disagreeable to one who has not lost the power to feel."

"Pain is disagreeable, no doubt. I never suffer it without more or less discomfort. But he who lives longest is most exposed to it. What you call dying is simply the last pain--there is really no such thing as dying. Suppose, for illustration, that I attempt to escape. You lift the revolver that you are courteously concealing in your lap, and--"

The general blushed like a girl, then laughed softly, disclosing his brilliant teeth, made a slight inclination of his handsome head and said nothing. The spy continued: "You fire, and I have in my stomach what I did not swallow. I fall, but am not dead. After a half-hour of agony I am dead. But at any given instant of that half-hour I was either alive or dead. There is no transition period.

"When I am hanged to-morrow morning it will be quite the same; while conscious I shall be living; when dead, unconscious. Nature appears to have ordered the matter quite in my interest--the way that I should have ordered it myself. It is so simple," he added with a smile, "that it seems hardly worth while to be hanged at all."

At the finish of his remarks there was a long silence. The general sat impassive, looking into the man's face, but apparently not attentive to what had been said. It was as if his eyes had mounted guard over the prisoner while his mind concerned itself with other matters. Presently he drew a long, deep breath, shuddered, as one awakened from a dreadful dream, and exclaimed almost inaudibly: "Death is horrible!"--this man of death.

"It was horrible to our savage ancestors," said the spy, gravely, "because they had not enough intelligence to dissociate the idea of consciousness from the idea of the physical forms in which it is manifested--as an even lower order of intelligence, that of the monkey, for example, may be unable to imagine a house without inhabitants, and seeing a ruined hut fancies a suffering occupant. To us it is horrible because we have inherited the tendency to think it so, accounting for the notion by wild and fanciful theories of another world--as names of places give rise to legends explaining them and reasonless conduct to philosophies in justification. You can hang me, General, but there your power of evil ends; you cannot condemn me to heaven."

The general appeared not to have heard; the spy's talk had merely turned his thoughts into an unfamiliar channel, but there they pursued their will independently to conclusions of their own. The storm had ceased, and something of the solemn spirit of the night had imparted itself to his reflections, giving them the sombre tinge of a supernatural dread. Perhaps there was an element of prescience in it. "I should not like to die," he said--"not tonight."

He was interrupted--if, indeed, he had intended to speak further--by the entrance of an officer of his staff, Captain Hasterlick, the provost-marshal. This recalled him to himself; the absent look passed away from his face.

"Captain," he said, acknowledging the officer's salute, "this man is a Yankee spy captured inside our lines with incriminating papers on him. He has confessed. How is the weather?"

"The storm is over, sir, and the moon shining."

"Good; take a file of men, conduct him at once to the parade ground, and shoot him."

A sharp cry broke from the spy's lips. He threw himself forward, thrust out his neck, expanded his eyes, clenched his hands.

"Good God!" he cried hoarsely, almost inarticulately; "you do not mean that! You forget--I am not to die until morning."

"I have said nothing of morning," replied the general, coldly; "that was an assumption of your own. You die now."

"But, General, I beg--I implore you to remember; I am to hang! It will take some time to erect the gallows--two hours--an hour. Spies are hanged; I have rights under military law. For Heaven's sake, General, consider how short--"

"Captain, observe my directions."

The officer drew his sword and fixing his eyes upon the prisoner pointed silently to the opening of the tent. The prisoner hesitated; the officer grasped him by the collar and pushed him gently forward. As he approached the tent pole the frantic man sprang to it and with cat-like agility seized the handle of the bowie-knife, plucked the weapon from the scabbard and thrusting the captain aside leaped upon the general with the fury of a madman, hurling him to the ground and falling headlong upon him as he lay. The table was overturned, the candle extinguished and they fought blindly in the darkness. The provost-marshal sprang to the assistance of his superior officer and was himself prostrated upon the struggling forms. Curses and inarticulate cries of rage and pain came from the welter of limbs and bodies; the tent came down upon them and beneath its hampering and enveloping folds the struggle went on. Private Tassman, returning from his errand and dimly conjecturing the situation, threw down his rifle and laying hold of the flouncing canvas at random vainly tried to drag it off the men under it; and the sentinel who paced up and down in front, not daring to leave his beat though the skies should fall, discharged his rifle. The report alarmed the camp; drums beat the long roll and bugles sounded the assembly, bringing swarms of half-clad men into the moonlight, dressing as they ran, and falling into line at the sharp commands of their officers. This was well; being in line the men were under control; they stood at arms while the general's staff and the men of his escort brought order out of confusion by lifting off the fallen tent and pulling apart the breathless and bleeding actors in that strange contention.

Breathless, indeed, was one: the captain was dead; the handle of the bowie-knife, protruding from his throat, was pressed back beneath his chin until the end had caught in the angle of the jaw and the hand that delivered the blow had been unable to remove the weapon. In the dead man's hand was his sword, clenched with a grip that defied the strength of the living. Its blade was streaked with red to the hilt.

Lifted to his feet, the general sank back to the earth with a moan and fainted. Besides his bruises he had two sword-thrusts--one through the thigh, the other through the shoulder.

The spy had suffered the least damage. Apart from a broken right arm, his wounds were such only as might have been incurred in an ordinary combat with nature's weapons. But he was dazed and seemed hardly to know what had occurred. He shrank away from those attending him, cowered upon the ground and uttered unintelligible remonstrances. His face, swollen by blows and stained with gouts of blood, nevertheless showed white beneath his disheveled hair--as white as that of a corpse.

"The man is not insane," said the surgeon, preparing bandages and replying to a question; "he is suffering from fright. Who and what is he?"

Private Tassman began to explain. It was the opportunity of his life; he omitted nothing that could in any way accentuate the importance of his own relation to the night's events. When he had finished his story and was ready to begin it again nobody gave him any attention.

The general had now recovered consciousness. He raised himself upon his elbow, looked about him, and, seeing the spy crouching by a camp-fire, guarded, said simply:

"Take that man to the parade ground and shoot him."

"The general's mind wanders," said an officer standing near.

"His mind does not wander," the adjutant-general said. "I have a memorandum from him about this business; he had given that same order to Hasterlick"--with a motion of the hand toward the dead provost-marshal--"and, by God! it shall be executed."

Ten minutes later Sergeant Parker Adderson, of the Federal army, philosopher and wit, kneeling in the moonlight and begging incoherently for his life, was shot to death by twenty men. As the volley rang out upon the keen air of the midnight, General Clavering, lying white and still in the red glow of the camp-fire, opened his big blue eyes, looked pleasantly upon those about him and said: "How silent it all is!"

The surgeon looked at the adjutant-general, gravely and significantly. The patient's eyes slowly closed, and thus he lay for a few moments; then, his face suffused with a smile of ineffable sweetness, he said, faintly: "I suppose this must be death," and so passed away.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

The trial continues ...

According to the BBC yesterday:

A woman driving in Belfast city centre saw Robert McCartney being attacked and identified the killer, a court is told. Mr McCartney, 33, was beaten and stabbed to death outside a bar on 30 January 2005 in an incident which soon became prominent worldwide.

Sinn Fein has always denied IRA members took part in the killing but his sisters claimed the Provisionals were intimidating witnesses.


Look at the text I have emboldened above. I wrote a blog entry about this horror in 2005 that quotes the official IRA statement on the murder:

Of the four people directly involved in the attacks in Market Street, two were IRA Volunteers. The other two were not.

The IRA knows the identity of all these men.


Where does this cobblers about always denying IRA members' involvement come from?

How about this?

The family of Belfast murder victim Robert McCartney have rejected an IRA offer to shoot his killers.
......
The IRA said it had given the family the names of the man who stabbed Mr McCartney and a second man who supplied removed and destroyed the murder weapon.

Both these men have been expelled by the IRA.


Don't BBC reporters read their own files? Can anyone find me an example of Sinn Fein claiming IRA members weren't involved?

Monday, June 02, 2008

Journey through the Secret Life of Plants

From an interesting book review by Freeman Dyson:
.. it turns out that about 8 percent of the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is absorbed by vegetation and returned to the atmosphere every year. This means that the average lifetime of a molecule of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, before it is captured by vegetation and afterward released, is about twelve years.
I'm amazed by this fact. I used to be a chemical engineer, so I could get out my calculator and start messing about with a mass balance, though a trivial daily blog post is not the place to do it.

But it really is intriguing, as it implies that the net contribution of CO2 to the atmosphere from human agency is mathematically trivial compared to the carbon volume of the respiration of plant life. The question I would like answered is how much net carbon does photosynthesis remove from the atmosphere each year.

Stray thoughts:
  • Bio fuels must - by definition - be carbon neutral.
  • All the carbon in fossil fuels was fixed from the atmosphere at some time or other so given a long, long perspective everything is carbon neutral.
I really need to read and think more about this.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

The Boss

I saw Bruce Springsteen play the first ever show at Arsenal's Emirates on Friday night, and a fine show it was.

I'd meant to pack my hip flask so I could thumb my nose at Boris Johnson and his Tube booze ban on the way like these civil rights activists did yesterday. I didn't make it home to get changed and pick it up before I headed North however, as I was stuck in the office dealing with the fallout of SQL injection attacks. They are far more insidious and anti-social than a crafty snifter on public transport.

Whatever happened to the Bullingdon Club spirit, old man?