Friday, May 27, 2005

"Big Scary" Paul Fright

If you know Paul Fright of Coraider, this BMWF transcript from 1999 will be the funniest thing you have read all year. If you don't know him, you may as well skip it to be frank.

BOB: This contest is scheduled for one fall. It is a first round U.S. Title tournament match. Hailing from Parts Unknown...Weighing in at 500 pounds..."Big Scary" Paul Fright
His opponent...Led to the ring by Nancy...From Charlotte, N.C....Weighing in at 243 pounds... "The Nature Boy" Rick Flare (2001 plays as the Nature Boy struts to the ring.)
DING DING!
CHUCK: They lock up.

Paul Fright nails Rick Flare with a forearm smash.
Paul Fright executes a powerslam on Rick Flare.
Joe Finch counts: One, kickout.
Paul Fright throws Rick Flare out of the ring.
Joe Finch counts: one, two, three, four, five, six, Rick Flare reenters the ring.
Paul Fright executes a dropkick on Rick Flare.
Paul Fright runs into the ropes.
Paul Fright hits a chop on Rick Flare.
Paul Fright takes Rick Flare down with a kick to the midsection.
Paul Fright puts Rick Flare in a hangman.
Rick Flare reaches the ropes after being trapped for 11 seconds.
Paul Fright whips Rick Flare into the turnbuckle.
Paul Fright nails Rick Flare with a clothesline.
Paul Fright whips Rick Flare into the ropes, but Rick Flare reverses it.
Paul Fright whips Rick Flare into the turnbuckle, but Rick Flare reverses it.
Rick Flare runs shoulder-first into the corner, but Paul Fright moves out of the way.
Paul Fright whips Rick Flare into the turnbuckle.
Rick Flare comes back and rocks Paul Fright with a back flip over top rope and clothsline. No effect!
Rick Flare executes a beg for mercy and eye gouge on Paul Fright.
Rick Flare whips Paul Fright into the turnbuckle.
Paul Fright comes back, but is met with a kick to the midsection.
Rick Flare takes Paul Fright down with a kick to the head.
Rick Flare takes Paul Fright down with a hair pull.
Rick Flare hits Paul Fright with a fist to the midsection.
Rick Flare hits Paul Fright with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle.
Joe Finch counts: One, two, KICKOUT.
Paul Fright runs into the ropes.
Rick Flare uses a fist to the midsection on Paul Fright.
Paul Fright takes Rick Flare down with a shoulder block.
Paul Fright goes for a chokehold, but Rick Flare counters it with a face rake.
Rick Flare goes for an eye gouge, but Paul Fright blocks it.
Paul Fright goes for a dropkick, but Rick Flare side-steps and Paul Frightonly hits air.
Rick Flare hits an elbowsmash on Paul Fright.
Rick Flare takes Paul Fright down with a kick to the midsection.
Rick Flare nails Paul Fright with a boot to face.
Rick Flare uses a fist to the midsection on Paul Fright.
Rick Flare executes a facerake on Paul Fright.
Rick Flare goes for a hair pull, but Paul Fright blocks it.
Paul Fright hits a shoulder breaker on Rick Flare.
Paul Fright runs into the ropes.
Rick Flare hits Paul Fright with a kick.
Rick Flare is going for the pin.
Joe Finch counts: One, two, thr... kickout.
Rick Flare goes for a clothesline, but Paul Fright counters it with a Gorilla Press.
A fan at ringside badmouths Paul Fright.
Paul Fright whips Rick Flare into the ropes.
Paul Fright misses with a clothesline.
Paul Fright hits Rick Flare with a shoulderblock.
Rick Flare begs off.
Paul Fright executes a punch on Rick Flare.
Rick Flare bumps into Joe Finch.
Paul Fright runs into the ropes.
Paul Fright misses with a kick.
Paul Fright misses with a clothesline.
Rick Flare misses with a shoulderblock.
Paul Fright hits Rick Flare with a clothesline.
Paul Fright yells, "YARRRRRRRRR!".
Paul Fright is starting to get under the crowd's skin.
Paul Fright uses a chop on Rick Flare.
Paul Fright hits Rick Flare.
Paul Fright is starting to get under the crowd's skin.
Paul Fright punches Rick Flare.
Paul Fright is starting to get under the crowd's skin.
Rick Flare hits Paul Fright.
Rick Flare punches Paul Fright.
Rick Flare runs into the ropes.
Rick Flare hits Paul Fright with a shoulderblock.
Joe Finch is back on the job.
Rick Flare executes a facerake on Paul Fright.
Rick Flare goes for a hair pull, but Paul Fright blocks it.
Paul Fright executes a dropkick on Rick Flare.
Paul Fright whips Rick Flare into the ropes, but Rick Flare reverses it.
Rick Flare goes for a kick to the midsection, but Paul Fright blocks it.
Paul Fright nails Rick Flare with a powerslam.
Paul Fright pulls the tights.
Joe Finch counts: One, two, thr... shoulder up.
Paul Fright runs into the ropes.
Paul Fright hits Rick Flare with an elbow.
Paul Fright uses a dropkick on Rick Flare.
Paul Fright goes for a chokehold, but Rick Flare blocks it.
Rick Flare uses a fist to the midsection on Paul Fright.
Rick Flare gets a chokehold on Paul Fright.
Joe Finch warns Rick Flare to let go.
Joe Finch counts: One, two, three.
Joe Finch counts: One, two, three.
Rick Flare whips Paul Fright into the ropes.
Paul Fright misses with a shoulderblock.
Rick Flare nails Paul Fright with a kick to the head.
There are lots of chants for Rick Flare.
Rick Flare hits a beg for mercy and eye gouge on Paul Fright.
Rick Flare hits Paul Fright with a beg for mercy and eye gouge.
KING: What a big goof! Hhe fell for it twice in a row! HA HA!
CHUCK: Paul Fright gives him the long leg boot choke in the corner. He's going for the choke slam!
Fright nails flare with the Choke Slam!He goes for the pin.

Joe Finch counts: One, two, three.
DING DING!
CHUCK: Paul Fright is eliciting a sizable round of boos. The winner is Paul Fright.
KING: The officials are helping Flare out of the ring. He's out of it!

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