"ὁ τὸ μὲν σῶμα ὑγιής, τὴν δὲ ψυχὴν εὔπορος, τὴν δὲ φύσιν εὐπαίδευτος"

Reading a poster in Virgin Active, I have noticed that, now he is 14, the Bomber - once he has done an induction course - can go onto the gym floor unaccompanied and use everything bar the free weights. I think that last restriction is valid. There are barbell exercises that appear to consist of throwing the heaviest weight you can overhead and jumping underneath to catch it; I can imagine safer things. We have agreed I will join him up again. He used to be a member when he was learning to swim years ago.

Given that he has three rugby games in the next four days however (U15 NatWest Cup today, U14 school game Saturday and U14 Club League match Sunday) I think it can wait until later next week.

For all your key ring needs

As a rule when I bring my ever more selective audience's attention to the innovations of the Strabismuses (Strabismi?) of the world there is often (whisper it) an unworthy satirical intent.

Let's be entirely clear though, when it comes to hot sauce on my key ring (http://sriracha2go.com/), ‘tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. I could have done with it trying to work my way through the radicchio I insinuated into yesterday's lunchtime wrap, I can assure you of that.

Dukkha

The TV remote control is still missing. I have had to order a new one.

My iPad fell out of the locker in the gym and the screen is cracked.

My Microsoft Surface Pro froze on the log in screen last night.

There is something wrong with the battery in my iPhone and it completely discharges over night.

My brother can't connect his laptop to the internet over the new WiFi network in his house.

The lock on the office front door keeps sticking.

I got some radicchio in my vegetable box this week. It tastes absolutely disgusting.

Apart from that everything is fine. I wonder what surprises today has in store for me.

Keep Tooting Bec Athletics Track running

Papers belonging to the Wandsworth Conservatives were recently leaked, revealing secret discussions to close Tooting Bec Athletics Track.

Now it looks like our worst fears have been realised. Just as the leaked document suggested, Wandsworth Council have announced plans to cut funding for the Athletics Track and hand over management to an outside organisation.

The track has been, and continues to be used by people of all generations; schools, running groups, other exercise groups and many more. There are serious concerns that proposals to hand over the running of the track could see it fall into the hands of a private company, and many local people and organisations priced out of using the facilities.

Therefore, we the undersigned call on Wandsworth Council to protect the current level of services at Tooting Bec Athletics Track and ensure it remains open and affordable to all local residents.

I have signed this petition on the website of Sadiq Khan is the Member of Parliament for Tooting. I know the track well from the Bomber's adventures with the Herne Hill Harriers. It would be a calamity for the area to lose it.

Remind me again about the Legacy of the 2012 Summer Olympics. "Continuing elite success, development of more sports facilities and encouraging participation in schools sports and wider." Yes, that was it.

unluxy

Description

Luxor Smart TV Remote application can be used to control your Smart TV over your mobile devices. By using the properties of your mobile devices such as touch screen and motion sensors, Luxor SmartRemote application offers a more comfortable, convenient and improved way to control your Smart TV.

My TV remote control has disappeared. The Bomber is in the frame as far as I am concerned. There aren't any buttons on the device itself so I hope the iPhone app above can take the strain until the original reappears from the anomaly in the space and time continuum that swallowed it up. Failing that http://www.remotes4u.co.uk/LUXOR-Remote-Controls/ will have to take the strain.

Autumnal

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

That is if you are Welsh, or English for that matter. If you're Irish feel free to dance a jig after a famous win over South Africa.

Thirty Years' War

I was down in Cardiff yesterday to see my new nephew Oliver "Wyatt" West.

The Bomber and I will be sitting down to watch the Wales v Australia game tomorrow.

The combination of these events has given me the inspiration to dig up David Bishop's try for Wales against Australia thirty years ago.

David Bishop having been been in school with me in Cardiff in the 70s, I have mentioned this to Ben before. Here is evidence that it is not a fairy story. We will watch it before the latest kick off for luck.

At last - A Wormery that will grace your kitchen work top

Hello Nick Browne,

The Stainless Steel Indoor Wormery

When we developed the very first domestic Wormery way back in the 1980's we described it as suitable for indoor or outdoor use. This was and is strictly true and as such the description has been copied by virtually all of our subsequent copiers and competitors. Whilst what we and they said and meant is technically correct, in practical terms inside was in all probability, a shed, garage, outhouse, utility room or at best a kitchen cupboard. Nothing wrong with this at all, but now we have finally moved to the next stage. This hygienically designed Wormery, will work well, fit into and above all look somewhere between good and stunning in your kitchen!

Large enough to deal with the typical kitchen generated organic waste of a family of two or three (get two if in doubt) this new and unique Wormery is only available from Original Organics and represents the functional and aesthetic leading edge in the world or indoor Worm Composting.

Made of Stainless Steel our Indoor Wormery boasts;

• A generous 30 litre capacity with single chamber composting
• Integral drainage platform and sump
• A built in stand
• An ergonomic stainless steel tap
• A close fitting lid with long life clear rubberised plastic gasket seal
• Triple pressure clip points and side handles for easy mobility
• And a central fine mesh brass aeration vent

This Deluxe Wormery proves that style and substance can be achieved!

Starting at only £64.95, our Indoor Wormery includes everything you need to start it off and keep it going;

• 1 pack of Tiger Worms
• Coir Worm Bedding
• 1.5kg Lime Mix
• And Detailed Instructions

For only £10 more you can upgrade to the Deluxe Kit and get all of the above plus the following extras;

• 1.5kg Worm Treats
• 1 Moisture Mat
• And a Composting with Worms Book by George Pilkington

With Christmas only seven weeks away, this Indoor Wormery would make the perfect gift. It's unique, new on the Market and exclusive to Original Organics.

We expect this Wormery to be one of our Best Sellers this Christmas Season, to avoid any disappointment come the big day, order early and avoid any potential stock outs.

---

Christmas or (see Icons Passim) Valentine's Day, I can always rely on Original Organics pinging my inbox with gift idea upon gift idea that I am unlikely to find anywhere else.

How the Republicans won back the Senate?

Republican Bruce Springsteen from Funny Or Die

In which pigeons come home to roost

When I regaled the quiz team last night with my story of sitting next to Melvyn Bragg in the theatre I was instantly shot down in flames as Andy H had trumped me by sitting behind David Beckham at the Emirates over the weekend.

Later I lost the tie breaker by being beaten to the punch on a Batman question after putting the boot in to Raph for the same failure a fortnight ago.

At least I didn't have to take the long way back to avoid ebola at St George's.

Small mercies.

Here's some stupid for lunch

While it is unquestionably true that we live in a golden age of idiotic inventions (see many, many Icons passim) it is important not to underestimate the sterling work done by our forefathers.

Inventions that Didn't Change the World is a fascinating visual tour through some of the most bizarre inventions registered with the British authorities in the nineteenth century. In an era when Britain was the workshop of the world, registration of designs was quicker and cheaper than the convoluted patenting process, and all manner of bizarre curiosities were painstakingly recorded in beautiful color illustrations and well-penned explanatory text, alongside the genuinely great inventions of the period. 

This book introduces such gems as a ventilating top hat; an artificial leech; a design for an aerial machine adapted for the arctic regions; an anti-explosive alarm whistle; a tennis racket with ball-picker; and a currant-cleaning machine. Here is everything the end user could possibly require for a problem he never knew he had. 

Then, happy low, lie down.

MacKenna being between West Africa and Eastern Europe we went along to the Whyndam's theatre yesterday to plug him back into the UK's Zeitgeist with Charles III.

Guess who sat down next to me in row H of the stalls, only Melvyn Bragg, Baron Braggadocio, the Melvster, the South Bank Showstopper, for it is his time not ours he just lets us in it.

Rod was suitably impressed. Apparently they only get the lame like of Ben Affleck and Angelina Jolie at the UN in Kinshasa.

Though much is taken, much abides

I got a call from MacKenna last night met him around Leicester Square. He is in town back from the Congo with the UN, and shortly to depart for the Ukraine* with the Foreign Office.

There is more than a whiff of Universal-Exports-Pay-Attention-007-Ah-Mr-Bond-I-have-been-expecting-you about all of  this.

There is a plan to lay waste to more of Central London today. It may not be like thirty years ago for:

We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

But it'll be close.

*Six years ago, when he was staying with me, we couldn't get into a Ukrainian restaurant as the was closed for a private function. (See the WBI time machine.) Perhaps we can try it again today?

Mr Bond, they have a saying in Chicago: 'Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action'.

Trapped in a Tom Waits Song

Did I dream the special offer on bourbon in Sainsbury's?

There is a saw playing in the background no matter where I go in the forest.

I fell asleep standing up in a tenement doorway.

I have a police record in an Asian port city for fighting a sailor over a dice game.

It is after 2 AM and I am washing dishes in a dance hall.

It is my belief that the only good things in this world are alcohol and a lady that I knew but briefly, and only as Tallulah.

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with storing your money, your gun, and your tragic love letters in the same shoe box.

One of my friends is a dwarf and he has killed somebody, probably at a sleazy circus.

When I hear a church bell I just shake my head because I know that everyone is evil and we're all going to hell. A hell which I ridicule but also believe in, because I have met the devil.

When he devil appeared to me, he spoke by growling through an old megaphone.

I occasionally fantasize about opening a combination greasy spoon diner and piano bar, like Coffee in the Wood.

Olden Days

The Bomber stayed at a school friend's last night.

I wish he had told me or decided earlier, I could have rushed down the M4 and gone the see STEVE CROPPER IN THE GLOBE in Albany Road just down Penylan Hill from Mum and Dad's.

I didn't even know the Globe was a music venue. For me it will always be the flea-pit movie house legend of the late Seventies and early Eighties and always showing Easy Rider as the second feature.

When I got home I switched on the TV to find that Alan Ladd's risible 1954 The Black Knight was playing, but had to watch at least a bit of it to try and spot Castell Coch where it was filmed. That is right, 60 years ago Hollywood came to a steep hillside high above the village of Tongwynlais just north of Cardiff.

Later in the evening there was a show called Freshers on ITV: "Cameras follow the fortunes of a new batch of freshers at Swansea University in South Wales, including politics student Chloe, rugby-mad James and super-geek Michael". I couldn't watch that, the wounds of 1979 are still too raw, but the universe seems to be telling me something about getting back to South Wales.

get your fee, with Route 53

I had a couple of existing domain names transferred from another registrar to be managed by Amazon Web Services' Route 53 yesterday. It didn't offer registration until comparatively recently.

I will gradually transfer all of our, and our client's registrations over as they come up for renewal.

When it is complete I will be managing all our IT requirements with the exception of PCs, tablets and phones we own and broadband subscriptions in AWS.

Amazon Web Services was launched as a limited beta just over eight years ago.

Fishy

The Bomber is staying with me over half term so I stayed in with him last night rather than going out quizzing and watched episode 3 of Gotham. Coincidentally, the quiz tie break question last week, which Raphael failed to nail despite my mugging and miming from the sidelines, was about the character that Sean Pertwee (top right hand corner) plays.

It is good to see Erin Richards (1986 Penarth, bottom left hand corner) flying the flag for Wales, but astounding to see what appears to be my Auntie Anna (centre bottom, and I invite my family to agree) as Fish Mooney, an imposing, hotheaded and notoriously sadistic gangster boss and nightclub owner.

Now let's go, just gimme the signal

By the miracle of Windows Movie Maker and YouTube, yesterday's photos come to life.

Oh, and the Seahawks snapped snapped their two-game losing streak to beat the Carolina Panthers 13 - 9. Life is good.

That's my boy

Jane managed to take 30 pbotographs in the seconds it took the Bomber to get his solo try against Reeds Weybridge. Her fingers must work nearly as quickly as his legs.

If you click on the first one you can stop through them like an animation.

All of these things I do

Come and experience the exhilaration of recreational tree climbing!
When was the last time you climbed a tree just for fun?

The Bomber and Alex were due to go and visit Alfie over half term He is an old neighbour of Alex's whose family has moved to the country.

That jaunt has been cancelled though because "chicken mites have got into the house" (I don't know exactly what that means but it sounds unpleasant) so Ben is staying with me this week.

I wonder if they will fancy coming tree climbing with me? I'll bet you anything you like they won't now they are teenagers. There is a venue in Dorking though which is very  near a dentist in Great Bookham where himself is due to start a course of treatment soon. Perhaps I will be able to combine the two one day and present it as a fait accompli?

Between Two Ferns

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Brad Pitt from Zach Galifianakis

only don't connect

The Ruts' game on Sunday was actually rather an ill tempered affair, and there was much complaining from our boys at half time about punches being thrown by the opposition in tackles, mauls and rucks. A dad - who is keen on Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and rolls regularly - overheard the muttering and advised them - if they saw a punch being lined up - to pull the arm towards them. Very good advice on reflection, though getting your hips involved, transitioning to an arm bar and breaking the offending elbow would probably be an over reaction.

Maybe it is not all that theoretical at all. I found the video above about Jason Roebig, a Rickson Gracie black belt training the Gold Coast Titans in BJJ for rugby league in Australia.

"You're trending, bro."

Idly paging through the iTunes store over lunch, I saw that Jon Favreau's movie "Chef" is out. clicking around it fairly randomly I noticed a "Gift This Film" option.

Uneasy as I am with gift as a verb, I have gifted it to my brother John. If he doesn't enjoy it as much as I did, I will eat my toque.

I'll drink to that

Taste 5,000 years of brewing history as a time-traveling homebrewer rediscovers and re-creates the great beers of the past.

The Brewer’s Tale is a beer-filled journey into the past: the story of brewers gone by and one brave writer’s quest to bring them—and their ancient, forgotten beers—back to life, one taste at a time. This is the story of the world according to beer, a toast to flavors born of necessity and place—in Belgian monasteries, rundown farmhouses, and the basement nanobrewery next door. So pull up a barstool and raise a glass to 5,000 years of fermented magic.

Fueled by date-and-honey gruel, sour pediococcus-laced lambics, and all manner of beers between, William Bostwick’s rollicking quest for the drink’s origins takes him into the redwood forests of Sonoma County, to bullet-riddled South Boston brewpubs, and across the Atlantic, from Mesopotamian sands to medieval monasteries to British brewing factories. Bostwick compares notes with the Mt. Vernon historian in charge of preserving George Washington’s molasses-based home brew, and he finds the ancestor of today’s macrobrewed lagers in a nineteenth-century spy’s hollowed-out walking stick.

Wrapped around this modern reportage are deeply informed tales of history’s archetypal brewers: Babylonian temple workers, Nordic shamans, patriots, rebels, and monks. The Brewer’s Tale unfurls from the ancient goddess Ninkasi*, ruler of intoxication, to the cryptic beer hymns of the Rig Veda and down into the clove-scented treasure holds of India-bound sailing ships.

*Her father was Enki, the lord Nudimmud, and her mother was Ninti, the queen of the Abzu. She is also one of the eight children created in order to heal one of the eight wounds that Enki receives. Furthermore, she is the goddess of alcohol. She was also borne of "sparkling fresh water." She is the goddess made to "satisfy the desire" and "sate the heart."

Of course she was, of course she is.

A wondering star

I can't remember why, but John and I were talking about Lee Marvin's Wand'rin' Star on Saturday.

I vouchsafed the intelligence that Marvin was such a terrible singer that they had to record each note individually.

"Really all singing is done one note at a time," he quipped back merrily.

Oh really, O'Reilly.

reeds all about it

The boys went down 17-14 to Reeds Weybridge  in  a friendly today. I use the word friendly advisedly.  Our first try was from Ben. Sid got the other and two conversions. I think we could have edged it in another ten minutes. We certainly ran a couple of kickable penalties that would have given us a draw in the last five going for a win.

They beat us 39-15 last year and won the league undefeated, so we are improving.

#inoursights next time.

You can't handler the truth

My brother John is up for the weekend. Each of us represents both sides of the equation above. That could get messy.

21 Jump Street

[as they run out of amo, Jenko comes up with an idea he got from his chemistry class]
Jenko: You still got those shot gun shells?
Schmidt: Yeah!
[he hands Jenko the gun shells]
Jenko: Pop quiz notes. What do you get when lithium batteries react to potassium nitrate? That would be a covalent bond*, brother. That's when two atoms, they share electrons. You see, they both need what the other one has. That makes them stick together.
Schmidt: Are you saying we're covalent bonds?
Jenko: What? No! We're not atoms, dude!
[Jenko throws the alcohol bottle he put the shotgun shells in and chucks it into Domingo' limo which explodes and the blast causes Walter's limo to crash as well]

I was a spectator when Rutlish edged KCS 5-0 yesterday to get to the next round of the NatWest Cup. A solid performance from the Bomber who played the whole game on the left wing, though in truth the game was won and lost in a bruising encounter up front. He was the only year 9 boy in the starting year 10 team (there were a couple of others on the bench).

My phone buzzed when I was watching. It was an email from the school. My heart sank, such missives - if not about sport - are seldom good news, but it was praise.

I am Mr XXXX, Ben's physics teacher. I wanted to inform you that Ben's work in class today was of a very high standard and I have awarded him achievement points accordingly. I look forward to seeing more excellent work in the future.

You could have knocked me down with a feather. When I asked him about it later he explained that he had the drop on the topic in advance as he knew about covalent bonds from 21 Jump Street.



* Strictly it is an ionic bond. NJB  BSc Chemical Engineering and reigning champ at the Antelope pub quiz.

a boy or a child?

Word has reached me by carrier pigeon that my sister Caroline has been delivered of an eight pound six baby boy on the other side of the Severn bridge.

Congratulations to her and to Neil. I will try and bunk off work and get down to see the three of them next week.

pull up the drawbridge

I am very surprised to learn that Ben Flower - the Wigan forward who has been banned for six months for his attack on Lance Hohaia during Saturday's Rugby League Grand Final defeat to St Helens - was born and bred in Cardiff. The general rule there - as I recall - was to attack your opponent from behind and then kick them on the floor; squaring up to someone and restricting yourself to punches once they went down tended to be frowned upon as a rather lackadaisical approach.

In other oval ball developments, the Bomber is playing up a year tomorrow afternoon against King's College School (KCS), Wimbledon tomorrow in the third round of the NatWest Cup. According to the Schools Rugby website KCS' previous fixture was against Eton College. Very posh.

On Sunday the club has a friendly against Reeds Weybridge RFC. They battered us 39-19, running in seven tries to our three, last season so this will be a good test of progress since then.

And what if you want to take your Nobel Prize on the road with you?

Brian Schmidt: winner of the 2011 Nobel Prize in Physics

 One of the things you get when you win a Nobel Prize is, well, a Nobel Prize. It’s about that big, that thick [about the size of an Olympic medal], weighs a half a pound, and it’s made of gold.”

“When I won this, my grandma, who lives in Fargo, North Dakota, wanted to see it. I was coming around so I decided I’d bring my Nobel Prize. You would think that carrying around a Nobel Prize would be uneventful, and it was uneventful, until I tried to leave Fargo with it, and went through the X-ray machine. I could see they were puzzled. It was in my laptop bag. It’s made of gold, so it absorbs all the X-rays—it’s completely black. And they had never seen anything completely black.”

“They’re like, ‘Sir, there’s something in your bag.’

I said, ‘Yes, I think it’s this box.’

They said, ‘What’s in the box?’

I said, ‘a large gold medal,’ as one does.

So they opened it up and they said, ‘What’s it made out of?’

I said, ‘gold.’

And they’re like, ‘Uhhhh. Who gave this to you?’

‘The King of Sweden.’

‘Why did he give this to you?’

‘Because I helped discover the expansion rate of the universe was accelerating.’

At which point, they were beginning to lose their sense of humor. I explained to them it was a Nobel Prize, and their main question was, ‘Why were you in Fargo?’”

I think most of us can safely file this problem under cross that bridge when I come to it.

Dr. Strabismus (Whom God Amuse) of Utrecht

Facial recognition software is revolutionising security systems but it’s also helping a small arts club in Spain turn a larger profit.

The industry has reportedly suffered huge setbacks after the government raised the tax on theatre tickets from 8 per cent to 21 per cent.

In an entertaining video outlining its efforts, the club says immediately after the move by the authorities, audience numbers reduced by 30 per cent in one year.

They had to think of an inventive and ingenious way of counteracting this decline.

In conjunction with advertising agency The Cyranos McCann, the venue began experimenting by installing tablets on the back of audience members’ seats and recording each time they laughed.

Entrance to the club is free, but each laugh amounts to €0.30 (£0.24) – to a maximum of 80 laughs for €24 (£18).

Dr. Strabismus (Whom God Preserve) of Utrecht is carrying out research work with a view to crossing salmon with mosquitoes. He says it will mean a bite every time for fishermen.

The Imitation Game

I missed posting here yesterday as I was  - pay attention 007! - at Bletchley Park with Professor David Stupples, Director of the Centre for Cyber and Security Services.

Now having thrown you that bone, I have to run out again.

Laters.

in case you were wondering

A man who cycles around Wimbledon on an amazing technicolour bicycle is a familiar sight around the town.

It is adorned with everything from feathers to tinsel, tassels and trophies, parades a union jack flag, with a cassette player and speakers blasting out dance music.
At night it glows with disco lights.

Now the ‘golden man’ himself has revealed his motivation for taking to the streets - to make people happy.

Referring to himself as James Bond and declining to give his real name, he said he had been doing what he calls ‘the show’ for twelve years.

He said: "The petrol that keeps me going is I see so many happy people - this is the reward I get.

"I have not got a penny for it in 12 years but seeing people happy - that’s why I do it."

The self-confessed recluse, who also describes himself as an artist and inventor and sits on a golden throne at his Recency style home in a room with a giant chandeliers, often sees decorations in pound shops and adds to the bike and his jacket.

Now you know.

The Mercurotti

Impersonator Marc Martel has recorded a duet featuring two of his idols, opera star Luciano Pavarotti and Queen vocalist Freddie Mercury, taking on both roles himself in one single take.

Covering the Puccini classic 'Nessun Dorma', Martel channels both of the singing titans in one amazing video (and even tailors his facial hair accordingly).

And you can listen to it without having to endure me singing along. Not an option available to the folk in offices adjoining mine this afternoon.

All together now .......

Ma il mio mistero è chiuso in me,

il nome mio nessun saprà!

No, no, sulla tua bocca lo dirò

quando la luce splenderà!

Prepare to broaden horizons

Blimey. The Bomber appears to have got a gig in the new Agent Provocateur campaign, turning up in a black tie to shut the door about ten seconds into the clip above.

And to think he won't be old enough to watch it for another four years.

“1 Star Quiz Night”

tripadviser

Horrendously over priced (average) food. The quiz was made up of largely utterly arbitrary questions; eg. "Famous movie lines" that were more accurately described as random lines from somewhere on the script of a well known film. Staff were exceptionally rude & obnoxious throughout. I've quizzed competitively internationally & not once have I had some two bit MC tell me I'm not very good at general knowledge. I have five international champions medals that say different. All in all decent venue with loads of walk in trade has aloud a place with overpriced food and horrendous service to thrive.. people rarely do amaze me at times. Never again.

That'll be the quiz we won again last night then by acing the final film round that so perturbed last week's reviewer.

Coffee in the Wood

Coffee In The Wood from Jack Coulthard-Little on Vimeo.

Blimey, they're making films now.

oops

Sorry if I neglected you yesterday.

I collected the Bomber and his friend Jonnie after the school's rugby game (they won 97-0), then Jonnie's parents invited us the Gorringe Park at lunchtime. That session segued into the South Africa New Zealand game and after that details get hazy.

The club beat Guildford this morning. Two tries to the Bomber after three yesterday. As I am sharing I also ought to record that they also slaughtered Battersea last week. Fifty odd nil, I lost count of the precise score..

Gwlad Gwlad

I got the Bomber an iPhone 5c for his birthday. The best deal (somewhat to my surprise) seemed to be to buy it SIM free direct from Apple with a pay-as-you-go starter pack.

I was pleased to find this morning that there is an app for it that I can use to continue his indoctrination.

badassery, n.

Baddassery having made it into the OED at the end of the last year, and given their fans' behaviour prior to and during a 4-1 defeat to Arsenal last night, I think Cockney rhyming slang needs extending.

Adam and Eve – believe Alan Whickers – knickers apples and pears – stairs Artful Dodger – lodger Ascot Races – braces Aunt Joanna – piano Galatasaray – badassery Baked Bean – Queen Baker’s Dozen – Cousin

Modesty forbids

I give you the 2014 Winners of the Literary Pub Quiz #commonpeople Thanks @firestables for being such good hosts! pic.twitter.com/uCWzABicww

— Wimbledon Bookfest (@Wimbbookfest) October 1, 2014

to be Frank

“Although I'm only fourteen, I know quite well what I want, I know who is right and who is wrong. I have my opinions, my own ideas and principles, and although it may sound pretty mad from an adolescent, I feel more of a person than a child, I feel quite independent of anyone.”

Fourteen today. Where do the years go?

Abse family news

1. Exclusive: Slater & Gordon set to acquire Cardiff-based Leo Abse & Cohen

2. Dannie Abse, doctor, poet, novelist and playwright, born 22 September 1923; died 28 September 2014

exiles

I will be taking the Bomber along to an early season friendly against Battersea Ironsides this morning.

John and Rod, who shared a flat with me in Putney nigh on thirty years ago, are also due back on a visit. (John from New Zealand and Rod from DR Congo) though I haven't seen them yet.

Rod reminded me that the three of us actually turned out in the same London Cornish RFC team against the Ironsides all that time ago.

Maps to the stars

A couple of years ago I judged A Dangerous Method one of the worst films. I have ever seen.

Next David Cronenberg brought us Cosmopolis. Again it was utter rubbish.

Now Maps to the Stars has been released to universal acclaim I must be strong and give it plenty of the back of my head.

I have never regretted bailing on Peter Greenaway after Prospero's Books. Imagine the grief that has saved me over twenty odd years.

a game of two halves

It is a serious day today with Parliament recalled and MPs voting on a Government motion to strike Islamic State (IS) terrorists in Iraq within hours. Rory Stewart writes wisely here. I recommend you read it.

It is also a silly day. FIFA 15, the video game, is released and in a bizarre tribute to real life controversy, Luis Suarez‘s ban in football has been extended to the virtual world. You can use the Uruguayan in friendlies but he is otherwise unavailable for selection until the 26th October.

one brick at a time

Do it all night long

Time Out has learned that September 12, 2015 will be the first all-night weekend of the Underground, and that - yes - Colliers Wood will be among the select lines and stations pulling all nighters.

click for a larger image

That's right:

The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold

And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold

should just about cover it from Friday night until Sunday morning this time next year.

Stained Glass off Stane Street

I had to go on an errand to the school this morning. On the way back I noticed Coriander Stained Glass at 27 Kingston Road, Wimbledon. SW191JX.

Herewith their restoration and repair services. I wonder if they could help with the cracked stained glass window in Mum and Dad's house? It has been a vague and occasional itch I can't seem to scratch for years now. Perhaps I will wander up Kingston Road and have a chat. The window is in Wales and they are in London for one thing, so I am not predicting plain sailing.

Oh, and we won the quiz again last night in case you were wondering.

Seahawks shake off Broncos' stunning rally to win in OT

Seattle Seahawks 26, Denver Broncos 20 (OT)

What happened: The Broncos erased a 14-point deficit in the fourth quarter, with QB Peyton Manning throwing a 26-yard TD pass to TE Jacob Tamme up the sideline and the tying two-point conversion to WR Demaryius Thomas with 18 seconds to go in regulation. But the Seahawks won the toss in overtime and marched 80 yards in 13 plays for the winning score – a 6-yard TD plunge by RB Marshawn Lynch 5 minutes, 46 seconds into OT.

The Seahawks match (Icons passim) was the live game on Sky Sports last night, so I bought a NowTV day pass and settled down to the game.

Thrilling stuff, though it finished at God knows what hour in the morning, and I do own up to the odd nap during the inevitable longueurs.

booty

I ordered a Xenta 163 Piece Rotary Tool and Accessory Kit from ebuyer the other day. When I opened it I found an eHarmony flier enclosed with it. The heuristics elude me.

Now. Where was I?

iOS 8

I have upgraded my phone and iPad to iOS 8.

The voice recognition seems a lot better. I will find out about the maps shortly as I have to drive to the nearest Halford's for some Ford touch-up paint after scratching my car's passenger door against a pillar in the gym car park.

Speaking of the gym, I wonder what sort of a fit the new Apple health app will be with my obsessive/compulsive tendencies.

Probably rather a good one once they iron the creases out of it.

Something for the weekend?

I defy you not to feel a discomfiting twinge of admiration for Gerard Depardieu, functioning alcoholic extraordinaire. The French actor, who owns a vineyard, has revealed that he drinks 14 bottles of wine a day. “In the morning, it starts at home with champagne or red wine before 10am,” he told So Film magazine. “Then again champagne. Then pastis, maybe half a bottle. Then food, accompanied by two bottles of wine. In the afternoon, champagne, beer and more pastis at around 5pm to finish off the bottle. Later on vodka and/or whisky.”

Despite this gargantuan thirst, Depardieu insists he is as fit as a fiddle and never gets drunk – “just a little pissed”. Even then, it’s easy enough to sober up. “All you need is a 10-minute nap and voilà, a slurp of rosé wine and I feel as fresh as a daisy.”

As good a drinker as I am, I still aspire to this sort of greatness.

This evening I will need something to go with chargrilled rump steak with garlicky crushed potatoes, green beans, roast beetroot and horseradish cream, the interwebs telling me that is the meal best matched with what is left of my weekly veg box.

I think fourteen bottles of, say, Chilean Malbec should fit the bill very nicely.

Removal Tools

Songs of Innocence

U2

If you would like U2’s Songs of Innocence removed from your iTunes music library and iTunes purchases, you can choose to have it removed. Once the album has been removed from your account, it will no longer be available for you to redownload as a previous purchase. If you later decide you want the album, you will need to get it again. The album is free to everyone until October 13, 2014 (PDT) and will be available for purchase after that date.

Do you want to remove Songs of Innocence from your account?

Scotland

UK

If you would like the UK’s Scotland removed from Great Britain, you can choose to have it removed. Once the country has been removed from your nation, it will no longer be automatically available to you. If you later decide you want the country, you will need to try and negotiate to get it again. The Union is free to everyone until September 19, 2014 (UTC) and will not be available after that date.

Do you want to remove Scotland from your nation?

We've had this date with each other from the beginning

A Streetcar Named Desire was broadcast live to cinemas around the world last night. I went to see it in the HMV Curzon and very good it was too. I think I will be attending more http://ntlive.nationaltheatre.org.uk/ shows.

“They told me to take a streetcar named Desire and then transfer to one called Cemeteries and ride six blocks and get off at - Elysian Fields!”

What I'm really talking about is my brand new pair of butterfly roller sakes

I find Ray McGovern chillingly plausible if you have got two hours forty to spare.

We won the quiz again yesterday after coming fifth (fifth!) the week before, but I think that last Monday's questions were set by a secret group of reptilian humanoids called the Babylonian Brotherhood. Who else would remember a Don Johnson single from the 80s or know that Brazil had had a monarchy?

Mark, Marcus, Magic

I went along to Mark's Cocktail Hour gig in the West End last week. He is a man out of time. Generally smartly dressed in a jacket and tie, and living to tinkle the ivories and croon the great American song book with his jazz trio. He should have been a Joey Bishop or Peter Lawford level member of Sinatra's rat pack to be honest.

It was fun. Often in the past the cabaret has been ruined by wanna be stand up comics; damaged and needy individuals who have been told that the way to boost their self respect and earn the respoect of others is to get up in front of a crowd of strangers and start hurling insults. This time we had some good sketches and a close quarter magician which was much better.

Mark's trio was also enhanced with a horn section that included (be still my beating heart) the son of the Bonzo's Vernon Dudley Bohay-Nowell on trumpet.

I also bumped in to Marcus, who I only see every few years, though it seems more often as he has such great stories (I feel that he is with me in spirit when I steal them and tell them to others as if they are about me). I asked him if the film he was working on with Noel Clarke the last time we met made it out of the starting blocks. He smiled modestly and admitted he was the co-producer of Storage 24 which took $72 (£44) dollars in the US box office, making it the lowest grossing film of 2013.

You are only allowed to snigger if you have had the gumption to get a feature film made and released in the US. I take my hat off to him.

bore da

I am just off to take the Bomber and some team mates to training.

We got an email off Jim the coach earlier which says

We have big plans for the U14s end of season tour. Following in the footsteps of last year’s U14s, we have booked Cardiff Arms Park (home to the Cardiff Blues) where we will play two matches against local opposition.

That's something to look forward to. Maybe some of the family can come and watch.

Jack to a King

Chelsea and Swansea, the only two sides in the Premiership with a 100% record meet this afternoon and the winner will go to the top of the table.

A film about the Swans premièred at the Odeon Leicester Square yesterday.

What a long strange trip it's been.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

The Bomber played for the school yesterday despite having to stay at home on Monday and Tuesday after his injury on Sunday. We picked up some sports tape at Boots with the idea of using that to beef up his elastic ankle support and he came through the game unscathed, getting two tries in a 28-17 defeat.

We watched ScrumV on the iPlayer on Wednesday. I hadn't realise how bad Owen Williams' injury was. I have bought a pack of the #StayStrongForOws wristbands.

The Velvet Divorce

I ken, when we had a king, and a chancellor, and parliament — men o' our ain, we could aye peeble them wi' stones when they werena gude bairns — But naebody's nails can reach the length o' Lunnon.

I fully intend the above to be my final word on Scotland's Referendum.

foma

I see that To Rise Again at a Decent Hour (Icons passim) has made it onto the Booker Man shortlist. I am 56% of they way through it according to my kindle, and starting to warm to it after struggling with  an opening that seemed rather fraught in both content and execution. Does anyone really need three pages about hand lotion?

Once the author moved on from moisturising to an exposition of what it means to be an Ulm (a member of an ancient sect enjoined by Yahweh to doubt His existence) however I was much happier, reminded perhaps of Vonnegut's bokonism.

"Busy, busy, busy."

Skipping from literature to music, U2 have released a new album that is free to download on iTunes. Downloaded it I have. Will I ever listen to it? The jury is out.

The Tube in 2050

I will be 88 if I am still around. At least it looks like there will be plenty of wheelchair access.

Ungartered, and down-gyved to his ankle

The Bomber is off school today having hurt his ankle on the first weekend of the season yesterday.

He is hoping to me back for training Wednesday and a game for the school on Thursday but I think it is a big ask to be honest.

I see that Dan - the ginger wizard - Fish got two tries in the Cardiff Blues' 41-26 win against in Parma in the afternoon.

Maybe we will be able to catch them on Scrum V via the BBC iPlayer? Come to think about it a weekly hour long round up of the Aviva Premiership is available on the ITV Player as well.

Both the iPlayer and the ITV Player are on my little NowTV box. We should get in the habit of watching both these shows weekly through the season. They would combine into a good overview of the domestic game.

Fury 10

Gosh. I remember Festus from when he did judo with the Bomber.

Sarries' serried ranks

Jules Evans in the Telegraph:

For the past year, I’ve been running a philosophy group at Saracens rugby club. Once a month, I go to Saracens’ training ground in St Albans and give a brief talk about an idea from ancient philosophy that can be applied to our lives today.

.........

I went in to the rugby club with zero expectations, and still find it strange to sit in a circle with Jim Hamilton, Owen Farrell and others, discussing Aristotle’s idea of the Golden Mean. But it’s been good fun for all of us. It was “the most popular thing we did last season,” says defence coach Paul Gustard.

It is easy to sneer, but here is the rationale:

When new management arrived, in 2009, they insisted that the character, values and wellbeing of the players were the top priority, and results would follow from that. They launched something called the Personal Development Programme, to support all the players in their lives and their careers after sport. They duly invited various people in to talk to the players, including mindfulness experts, a yoga teacher, even a philosopher (me).

The “Saracens revolution” has created a unique culture. Alex Goode, the 26-year-old Saracens and England fullback, says: “The old Saracens was not a particularly friendly place. There’d be quite brutal banter. Now, there’s much more of a feeling of togetherness.”

The esprit de corps has made the team stronger and better. Saracens won the Premiership in 2011, and broke the record last season for most tries scored and most league points won, reaching the European cup final and Premiership play-off final, both of which they sadly lost.

The Premiership final loss was to a dubious try in the last minute of extra time, after a disallowed try of their own. Defeats don’t come more cruel. But, as Brian Moore noted in his Telegraph column, the team handled it with impressive integrity and dignity.

It is very reminiscent of the regime of Pete Carroll's Seahawks in the NFL (see Icons passim) who went on the win the Super Bowl last year then trounced the Packers earlier this week to begin their title defence and must be doing something right.

There being very little wisdom about, we need to take it anywhere we can find it.

Diolch yn fawr

"Extraordinary beauty, wonderful people and great hospitality."

Well I never.

Here we go again

Rugby's back  and gaining momentum. The Bomber trained after school yesterday and then again in the evening with the club. When you consider that the school is Rutlish and the club is Old Rutlishians, it strkes me that the preparations of these two squads might be better spread out a little wider; coordination shouldn't be impossible.

Next week he'll train twice on Wednesday and then play against Oxted on Thursday so he will be due a rest on Friday.

The school fixtures are up on schoolsrugby.co.uk, but the club matches haven't appeared on surreyrugby.com yet.

'Wecome to the Biggest Club in the World'

Man U's Ed Woodward drives a hard bargain in the sweet shop.

Does anyone else think that Louis van Gaal invariably looks like a man whose collar is too tight?

ideas are dangerous, especially good ones

The outgoing mayor of Reykjavík:

One of the most valuable lessons that I have learned is that ideas are dangerous, especially good ones [laughs]. Because it is almost certain that some halfwit will pick them up and misinterpret them and misuse them. And this is why it was so important that the Best Party presented no ideology, no solution. No theory. Nothing that some idiot could then adopt and develop and use as a basis for something horrible, making us the ideologues behind some atrocity. And this is why it was so important that the Best Party remain blank, that it stood for no idea or theory other than impotence and powerlessness. And the will to collaborate, to seek help.

There are lots of great ideas out there. But they get misunderstood. And the cause is more often than not simple human frailty, which the theories don’t account for, because they exist solely on the ideological plane, without taking into account emotions and error. Just look at our best thinkers over the past few centuries. From Schopenhauer and Nietzsche to Marx and Engels. Their ideas led to a lot of misunderstanding, a lot of horror. Schopenhauer was Hitler’s favourite philosopher. Karl Marx created communism because he was outraged by how the underclass was being treated. But then, their theories eventually inspired all sorts of atrocities, events and ideas that in no way reflect their intentions.

We thus figured that the best ideology would be no ideology, save for the one espoused by the AA: Powerlessness, humility, frailty. To realise that we don’t have all the solutions.

Interesting man. I have put Gnarr: How I Became the Mayor of a Large City in Iceland and Changed the World on my list of books to read, where it nestles snugly among several hundred others.

To Rise Again at a Decent Hour

'The Catch-22 of dentistry' Stephen King

Joshua Ferris's dazzling new novel To Rise Again at a Decent Hour is about the meaning of life, the certainty of death, and the importance of good oral hygiene.

There's nothing like a dental chair to remind a man that he's alone in the world . . .

Paul O'Rourke - dentist extraordinaire, reluctant New Yorker, avowed atheist, disaffected Red Sox fan, and a connoisseur of the afternoon mochaccino - is a man out of touch with modern life. While his dental practice occupies his days, his nights are filled with darker thoughts, as he alternately marvels at and rails against the optimism of the rest of humanity.

So it goes, until someone begins to impersonate Paul online. What began as an outrageous violation of privacy soon becomes something far more soul-frightening: the possibility that the virtual 'Paul' might be a better version of the man in the flesh . . .

I finished Weekend Wodehouse when I was on the recline exercise bike this morning, so I have been looking around for something else. Amazon has recommended To Rise Again at a Decent Hour, of which I have never previously heard. It is unlikely that unaided I would make my way to 'the Catch-22 of dentistry' though I see it has been long listed for the Man Booker. Also Weekend Wodehouse contained The Fiery Wooing of Mordred, which begins in a dentist's waiting room, and a scene from Summer Lightning set similarly. Perhaps the universe, or Steve Bezos (the terms are essentially interchangeable these days), is sending me a message.

The short list for the Man Booker will be out on September 9 so I imagine I will have something to say about Joshua Ferris's inclusion or exclusion when the day dawns.

body work

More than four months after the Bomber took his stiff back there, and more than two years since I had a sports massage, I plucked up the courage to take myself along for an hour's treatment at Abbey Mills Thai Yoga Massage today.

The trigger points that were discovered around my shoulders in a previous episode were still very much in evidence and certainly hurt when they were manipulated but - on balance - it was quite relaxing and I certainly felt it was doing me good.

£45 for an hour seems a lot, but then again I spent more than £700 servicing my car this week and more than £60 filling it with petrol. I can always get a new car, but I am pretty much stuck with the body God gave me.

I think I will start programming it once every three weeks. What do we think? Is a £15 a week massage budget excessive or prudent? It is also so near I could get an hour in at lunchtime rather than having it eat into an evening.

today

A short walk West

Avenue Q Overview
‘The best musical of the decade’
Sunday Times
*****
Winner of the Tony Awards Triple Crown for Best Musical, Best Score and Best Book, Avenue Q is part flesh, part felt and packed with heart.

Following five years in the West End and sell-out runs worldwide (packed with mischief, bad behaviour and political incorrectness) this hugely entertaining show is hitting the road on a brand new tour!

Created by Jeff Marx and Robert Lopez (co-creator of Book of Mormon and writer of the songs for Disney’s Frozen) Avenue Q is an irresistibly charming musical which tells the story of the loveable characters on a downtown New York street trying to make sense of life’s burning issues.

Hilarious, cheeky and uproariously entertaining, with a terrific batch of songs performed by a cast of hugely talented performers and puppets, Avenue Q is the musical like no other.

So don’t let your life suck - book your tickets today!

If I get my skates on I can pop along and get to the matinee this afternoon.

A short walk East

It is Sophie's birthday party this evening.

North, South, East, West; our Sarf London is the best.

tomorrow

A short walk North:

On Saturday 30th August, to celebrate the launch of the new Moët Hennessy sparkling wine, which launched in May this year, Chandon will be taking over Tooting Bec Lido in South London to create the most extravagant lido experience Londoners could ask for.

Chandon strives to make everyday experiences extraordinary and their first event in London will be sure to do just that, as the new sparkling wine brand will be taking over the iconic public lido and creating the ultimate pool party.

Londoners who head to Tooting Bec Lido to attend the event will enjoy synchronised swimming performances, DJ performances, vintage style waitresses offering poolside service, pool volleyball matches, ultimate grilled cheese sandwiches sold from a vintage ‘cheese truck’, ice cream and cookie sandwiches and of course, plenty of Chandon.

A short walk South:

Sambrook's and the National Trust are pleased to present Beer by the River 2014! Following the success of last year, this year's event promises to be bigger and better - more music, more food and more beer!

This year's event will continue our celebration of beer, food and music, with local food producers, entertainers and craft brewers from around the UK...........

Duncan Sambrook, founder of Sambrook's, comments:
"I am thrilled to be back at Morden Hall Park for our second year with Beer by the River, and our Home Brew competition will add to the excitement of the whole event. For those interested in beer, Beer by the River really is a must visit event for 2014"

This is no place to live if you are teetotal.

Challenged

The Bomber has done the ice bucket challenge, as has Chris Howell who has nominated me. This adds up to near irresistible peer pressure.