Myself: Boris Johnson's not his full real name you know, it is a sort of nom de guerre.
Prodnose: Tell me his real name is Doris. Life will be complete.
Myself: Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.
Prodnose: Can we compromise on Al "Piffle" Jolson?
Myself: If you'll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal.