Over the last few months we've managed to arrange the return of antiques stolen in burlgaries across the South of England, by serving as a clearing house for related operations, seizures and claims from Sussex Police, Surrey Police, Hampshire Constabulary, Essex Police, Suffolk Constabulary and Thames Valley.
Thames Valley Police in turn comprising Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire, and geography never being my strong suit, threading the counties together is starting to make my head swim.
As ever illustrative quotes from Pete 'n Dud swim up from my subconscious, this time the cod Shakespeare from "Beyond the Fringe", back in the day when they were teamed with Alan Bennett and Jonathan Miller.
Get thee to Gloucester, Essex. Do thee to Wessex, Exeter.
Fair Albany to Somerset must eke his route.
And Scroop, do you to Westmoreland, where shall bold York
Enrouted now for Lancaster, with forces of our Uncle Rutland,
Enjoin his standard with sweet Norfolk's host.
Fair Sussex, get thee to Warwicksbourne,
And there, with frowning purpose, tell our plan
To Bedford's tilted ear, that he shall press
With most insensate speed
And join his warlike effort to bold Dorset's side.
I most royally shall now to bed,
To sleep off all the nonsense I've just said.
As an aside, while Bennett's place in the Pantheon alongside Cook and Moore is secure, I have always found Jonathan Miller utterly unfunny even in his 1960s pomp, viz. the droll saga of the blue trousers ....... Gawd help us.