Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Vote for Foulenough - And Duty-Free Lard

The mind-numbingly tedious 2008 London Mayoral Election has been brightened but further complicated by the imaginary news that the libidinous, hard-drinking, and light-fingered gallant, worldly, and financially literate Captain de Courcy Foulenough, D.T., has decided to stand as an Independent Progressive Liberal, that being the only interest not represented up to this moment.


Richard Barnbrook British National Party
Gerard Batten UK Independence
Siân Berry Green
Alan Craig Christian Peoples
Lindsey German Left List
Boris Johnson Conservative
Ken Livingstone Labour
Winston McKenzie Independent
Matt O'Connor English Democrats
Brian Paddick Liberal Democrat
de Courcy Foulenough Independent Progressive Liberal

Captain Foulenough staggered his audience, disgusted what is left of his Committee, and roused his opponents to fury last night by reading out messages of support which he claimed to have received from nine Cabinet Ministers, Mr Clark Gable, Mr Noël Coward, Mr Anthony Eden, Mr Joe Louis, Bishop Mrs Riquette, Tubby Garstang, Mamie Dugold, Harry Armitage, Babs Thornycroft, Trixie, Vi, Polly, Ethel, Madge, Bobo, Curly, Mabel, Dot, Irma, 'Coppernob' Halsey, Flo, Nan, Gert, Myra and Olive.
Agreeing that his supporters were as anachronous as his intervention is ridiculous , the Captain has pointed out that he is by no means the most eccentric of candidates actual and potential:
We await further developments with considerable interest.

1 comment:

Nick Browne said...

`Why is Sir Arthur looking so gloomy, Sir Harry?'

`Poor devil! It's like this, Sir George. [Lowers voice.] His capillaries, set end to end, wouldn't circle the earth more than once.'

`Phugh! That's dreadful, Sir Harry. Poor blighter! Is there no hope?'

`Oh yes, Sir George: BLOGGO. A year ago my capillaries, set end to end, would barely have reached China. Today they would circle the earth three times. But where are you dashing off to, Sir George?'

`I'm going to buy some BLOGGO for Sir Arthur ...'