Waiter: Roast pork?
Welles: Oh, my God. On a hot day, roast pork? I can’t eat pork. My diet. But I’ll order it, just to smell pork. Bassanio says to Shylock: ‘If it pleases you to dine with us.’ And Shylock says: ‘Yes, to smell pork; to eat of the habitation which your prophet the Nazarite conjured the devil into. I will buy with you, sell with you, talk with you, walk with you, and so following, but I will not eat with you, drink with you, or pray with you.’
HJ: Isn’t there something about the devil taking the shape of a pig in the Bible? Or did Shakespeare invent that?
Welles: No, Jesus put a whole group of devils into the Gadarene swine. Shakespeare was just trying to give Shylock a reason for not eating with them.
HJ: I would like the grilled chicken.
Waiter: Okay.
Yaaaaas. Life may not be perfect, but at least we never had to
break bread with Orson Welles.
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