One leg too few

Prodnose: Miss Rigby! Stella, my love! Would you please send in the next auditioner, please. Ms Jolie, I believe it is.

Enter Angelina, hopping energetically on one leg

Prodnose: Ms Jolie, I believe?

Angelina: Yes — Jolie by name, Jolie by nature. (keeps hopping)

Prodnose: Yes... if you'd like to remain motionless for a moment, Ms Jolie. Please be stood. Now, Ms Jolie you are, I believe, auditioning for the part of Lara Croft?

Angelina: Right.

Prodnose: Now, Ms Jolie, I couldn't help noticing almost at once that you are a one-legged person.

Angelina: You noticed that?

Prodnose: I noticed that, Ms Jolie. When you have been in the business as long as I have you come to notice these things almost instinctively. Now, Ms Jolie, you, a one-legged person, are applying for the role of Lara Croft — a role which, traditionally, involves the use of a two-legged actor.

Angelina: Correct.

Prodnose: And yet you, a unidexter, are applying for the role.

Angelina: Right.

Prodnose: A role for which two legs would seem to be the minimum requirement.

Angelina: Very true.

Prodnose: Well, Ms Jolie, need I point out to you where your deficiency lies as regards landing the role?

Angelina: Yes, I think you ought to.

Prodnose: Need I say with overmuch emphasis that it is in the leg division that you are deficient.

Angelina: The leg division?

Prodnose: Yes, the leg division, Ms Jolie. You are deficient in it — to the tune of one. Your right leg I like. I like your right leg. A lovely leg for the role. That's what I said when I saw you come in. I said ‘A lovely leg for the role.’ I've got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is — neither have you. You fall down on your left.

continued p84

DE Photo - Social Images

DE Photo - Social Images

Update: Well posting this from the photographer's site direct to Blogger seemed like a good idea but the link doesn't work. I just bought the image below printed on a mug for the Bomber's grandfather's birthday next week.

Sutton and Ewell (seen attempting to tackle himself above) went on to win the whole thing, which is some sort of consolation I suppose as they couldn't beat us.

a truth universally acknowledged

Great Opening Paragraphs of Our Time:

It was April, 1972. The Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton, N. J. The home in the 1950s of Albert Einstein and Kurt Gödel. Thomas Kuhn, the author of “The Structure of Scientific Revolutions” and the father of the paradigm shift, threw an ashtray at my head.

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/06/the-ashtray-the-ultimatum-part-1/

a game of two halves

Wales beat England yesterday and Cleverley retained his title, but today was less satisfactory.

The Bomber's team went out in the semi final at the Guildford Mini Rugby Festival despite conceding not a single point all day. They won all their pool matches and then drew with Sutton and Ewell nil-nil in the semi. S&E had won all their matches as well, but were given the nod as they had scored more points than the Ruts.

After that, Liverpool beat Cardiff City on penalties after drawing two all after extra time.

Also, water is dripping through my ceiling as there is a leak in a pipe in the loft. The plumber's coming to look at it tomorrow morning, but Browne Acres is something of a trial this evening.

One more thing

Not only is it Wales v England at Twickenham this afternoon.

Not only is it that Nathan Cleverly defends his WBO world light-heavyweight title against Tommy Karpency in Cardiff tonight.

Not only is it that tomorrow Cardiff City take on Liverpool in the Carling Cup Final at Wembley.

Richard Weston, professor of architecture at Cardiff University, is conquering the luxury fashion world with his love of natural materials such as rocks, minerals and fossils. After Weston's scarves were picked up by London department store Liberty last year, Harvey Nichols has now snapped up the professor's first range of sleeveless T-shirts.

Y Goron Driphlyg

A weekend of sport awaits; Wales run out against England at Twickenham at four o'clock tomorrow with the opportunity to bag the Triple Crown and then Cardiff City take on Liverpool in the Carling Cup final at 4pm on Sunday.

Between these two bookends, the Bomber is playing a rugby tournament in Guildford; quietly relieved to be straight back into the A squad as the boys beat Camberley 35-0 last week when we were away skiing.

the game's afoot

I'm back from Andorra and Bumblebee Auctions is selling skis on http://www.bumblebeeauctions.co.uk/XcAPViewItem.asp?ID=113964.

There is a pleasing symmetry to this development.

It has struck me that one hundred and thirteen thousand nine hundred and sixty four is a lot of lots, but I guess we've been peddling this stuff online for a long time now.

He Knows You Know

Prepare to be astonished and a little concerned:

How Target Figured Out A Teen Girl Was Pregnant Before Her Father Did

Silent Sob

I am out of the country for one week and what do I find on my return? Jay and Silent Bob have jetted in, played three dates, and vamoosed.

Only Jay's vocabulary could express my disappointment.

Where's the beef?

Well folks I am back from Andorra: Ian Botham and I are now Best Friends Forever! as I queued up behind him to get the gondala from Pal back to Arinsal. (Actually we're not BFFs but I was impressed by the modest and unassuming cut of his jib and what I took to be his cheerful family.)

Skiing down a hill on Wednesday following Ben and Jonnie on snowboards and musing on the incredible progress they had made in three mornings' worth of lessons was as pure and unalloyed a joy as ever I have had.

Cryotherapy

We're off skiing first thing tomorrow, so I'll be maintaining radio silence for a week and they'll be no updates here. The Bomber's taking his laptop and has access to hotel wi-fi but I'm going to continue with my annual online media fast.

With a following wind we'll get to Andorra in time to see the Wales Ireland game tomorrow afternoon; cryotherapy.

Twit

Good morning. I must dash as I am off to Twitter's offices in Great Titchfield Street to talk about one thing and another.

They seem to have changed their web page design this morning. Coincidence? Perhaps.

Let it snow

There was no athletics for the Bomber last nght as there was ice on the Tooting Bec Athletics track.

His Raynes Park Cluster Tag Rugby tournament is cancelled today because the ground is frozen.

Knowing our luck there'll probably be a heat wave in the Pyrenees when we fly out to go skiing and boarding this weekend.

PS They weren't to be allowed "metal tipped blades" at the tag rugby - see http://www.mertonssp.org.uk/5/events/event/255/raynes-park-cluster-tag-rugby. It must be a tougher branch of the game than I remember. I wonder if they would have let him take the field tooled up with a ceramic knife.

Alterity in Sussex Police

Telegraph:

An undercover police officer "chased himself round the streets" for 20 minutes after a CCTV operator mistook him for suspect.

The junior officer, who has not been named, was monitoring an area hit by a series of burglaries in an unnamed market town in the country’s south.

As the probationary officer from Sussex Police searched for suspects, the camera operator radioed that he had seen someone “acting suspiciously” in the area.

But he failed to realise that it was actually the plain-clothed officer he was watching on the screen, according to details leaked to an industry magazine.

The operator directed the officer, who was on foot patrol, as he followed the "suspect" on camera last month, telling his colleague on the ground that he was "hot on his heels".

The officer spent around 20 minutes giving chase before a sergeant came into the CCTV control room, recognised the “suspect” and laughed hysterically at the mistake.

Prodnose: Alterity?

Myself (lighting pipe): Alterity is a philosophical term meaning "otherness". In the phenomenological tradition it is usually understood as the entity in contrast to which an identity is constructed, and it implies the ability to distinguish between self and not-self, and consequently to assume the existence of an alternative viewpoint. The concept was established by Emmanuel Lévinas in a series of essays, collected under the title Alterity and Transcendence. The term is also deployed outside of philosophy, notably in anthropology, to refer to the construction of "cultural others".

Prodnose: Move along please. There's nothing to see here.

Rösti

Possibly because we are off skiing this weekend I was inspired to make rösti last night.

Further, I got the dynamite notion of running the spuds through the juicer to give me shredded dry potatoes with minimum leg work.

This worked rather well, though I don't think I'll be trying fesh potato juice again anytime soon for all its vaunted health benefits.

Tipping Point

A curate's egg of a rugby day yesterday; the Bomber's debut at outside half was called off due to snow and ice,  but - according to a neutral report - Wales were worthy winners over Ireland in Dublin classic.

That said, I have now heard enough about spear tackles to last me the rest of my life. The Bomber being a judoka, I shall remind him that kata guruma is not allowed on the field of play, but apart from that if you want to discuss the intricacies and incidents of lifting another player into the air and dumping or dropping him upside down please do it on someone else's time.

That's the way to do it

Yesterday I went to see Three Days in May at the Trafalgar Studios, then watched the Calcutta Cup rugby game in the pub before finishing the evening in a Thai restaurant. England and Scotland were both diabolical in the rugby, but that is a good news for Wales who are playing Ireland this afternoon.

Three Days in May is didactic but gripping. Warren Clarke is fantastic as Churchill. There's not a hint of DS  Andy Dalziel in his voice, or movement, or demeanor. I know this is what actors do, but I always find these transformations amazing.

nor lose the common touch

It is not generally my kind of thing, but I dusted off my Master's Degree in Business Administration in the week and went along to a (deep breath) E/MBA club networking event - with City of London Police Commissioner (a fellow MBA) on "The growing threat of Fraud and Cyber crime" on Tuesday. I'm interested in the topic and actually know Commissioner Leppard from back in his Surrey Police days. I remember going out for a drink with him and Steve Ede one year when the ACPO conference was in Cardiff.

The bun fight was actually held at law firm Hogan Lovells' Holborn Viaduct office. My sat nav originally directed me underneath the viaduct where Eastern European rickshaw drivers lurked among the bins, but once I managed to find my way into the premises they were so plush it was like being in a movie. The recession is not hitting everyone equally hard I suppose.

Cork

I was disappointed to read that the Swansea-Cork ferry is to close.

Looking back I often wonder why I didn't ever take the ferry to Cork in the three years I was at University in Swansea. It is after all the area from which my ancestors probably arrived.

Laughin' Policeman Blues

I know a fat old policeman, he's always on our street.
I know a fat old policeman, he's always on our street.
A fat and jolly red-faced man, he really is a treat.

He's too kind for a policeman, he's never known to frown.
He's too kind for a policeman, he's never known to frown.
And everybody says he is the happiest man in town!

He laughs upon point duty, he laughs upon his beat.
He laughs upon point duty, he laughs upon his beat.
He laughs at everybody when he's walking in the street.

He never can stop laughing, he says he's never tried.
He never can stop laughing, he says he's never tried.
But once he did arrest a man and laughed until he cried!

Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

His jolly face is wrinkled and then he shut his eyes.
His jolly face is wrinkled and then he shut his eyes.
He opened his great big mouth. It was a wonderous size!

He said "I must arrest you!" He didn't know what for.
He said "I must arrest you!" He didn't know what for.
And then he started laughing until he cracked his fat old jaw.

Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

So if you chance to meet him while walking 'round the town.
So if you chance to meet him while walking 'round the town.
Shake him by his fat old hand and give him half a crown.

His eyes will beam and sparkle, he'll gurgle with delight.
His eyes will beam and sparkle, he'll gurgle with delight.
And then you'll start him laughing with all his blessed might!

Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Prodnose: It's that crazy it just might work.

Haywire

Back in October 2007, I ordered a Muay Thai Ring Girls DVD in the same package as a Preston Sturges boxed set, and pretended to myself that I could here the sound of the gears in Amazon's recommendation engine creaking as it tried to triangulate the implications of such a strange combination.

Fast forward to today and Ring Girls' Gina Carano is starring in Steven Sodbergh's Haywire along with Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas, Ewan McGregor, and Michael Fassbender, with Lem Dobbs on screenplay duties.

That would the Lem Dobbs in this extraordinary interview who also penned the upcoming Oscar-bait  The Company You Keep.

(I have seen Haywire by the way, and I thought it was top-notch fun.)