Gymnosophists

Gymnosophists is the name (meaning "naked philosophers") given by the Greeks to certain ancient Indian philosophers who pursued asceticism to the point of regarding food and clothing as detrimental to purity of thought (sadhus or yogis).

Gymnosophist: It's really good to see you again, Nick. It's been too long.

Myself: Well, it's great that you stopped by. [ I sit on the couch ]

Gymnosophist: [ sits next to me on the couch ] I brought you something. It's a book.

Myself: Wow! Where'd you get this?

Gymnosophist: One of those second-hand bookstores downtown. It seemed like you. So, how have you been? Have you been okay?

Myself: Yeah, I'm fine.

Gymnosophist: Wait a minute. Something's wrong. I can tell.

Myself: [ sighing] No. I'm doing great. Really.

Gymnosophist: What's troubling you, Nick?

Myself: Nothing! Nothing!

Gymnosophist: Hey, come on. I can always tell when something's bothering you.

Myself: Well.. if you really want to know.. it's because you're not wearing any clothes. And it really freaks me out.

Gymnosophist: Hey, come on. What's really bothering you?

Myself: I told you! It's your nakedness. You never ever wear any clothes. Never. It's really disturbing. And I think I'd really prefer it if you, like, went home and put something on. [ I stand ]

Gymnosophist: If you think I'm leaving you before I find out what's really bothering you, you're crazy.

Myself: Would you just.. put, like, a towel on, or something?

Gymnosophist: Hey, we're talking about everything except what's really bothering you, aren't we? Sure, I could put on a towel, or borrow your bathrobe, but we're not going to find out what's really bothering you until you can really talk about it. Now, come on. [ we sit ]

Myself: Okay.. When I was a little boy, my grandmother had a beautiful music box that meant a lot to her.. and one day I was playing with it, and I broke it! And I was too afraid to tell her.. and I hid all the pieces away.. and she never found out what happened to it.. and now she's dead..!

Gymnosophist: Hey, hey.. it's okay. It wasn't your fault.

Myself: No?

Gymnosophist: You were just a kid.

Myself: Yeah..

Gymnosophist: You were just a kid..

Myself: Oh.. wow! You know, I've never been able to tell anybody that before.. thank you!

Gymnosophist: Come on.. let's go get some sushi!

Myself: [ smiling ] No, I don't think so.

Gymnosophist: Why not?

Myself: Because you don't have any clothes on.

Gymnosophist: Come on, Nick. What's really bothering you?

Myself: You're naked.

Gymnosophist: Tell you what? Why don't I go down there and get us a table, and you can come down when you're ready. Okay?

Myself: Okay. [ I smile ]

Gymnosophist: [ stands and walks toward the door, exposing his butt crack ]

Announcer: This has been "The Sensitive Naked Man".