According to the redoubtable Thomas Nashe, the author of The anatomie of absurditie, Christ’s teares over Jerusalem, and many other important works of English literature, there are eight types of drunkards, of which the one who is goat-drunk is seventh, although it is unclear what the order signifies. Since the OED has seen fit to include only a few from Nashe’s list I have decided to include it in its entirety, so that you may never be at a loss for words when confronted by a drunk of any sort.
1) Ape drunke – “he leapes, and sings, and hollowes, and daunceth for the heavens”.
2) Lion drunke – “he flings the pots abut the house, calls his Hostesse whore, breakes the glasse windows with his dagger, and is apt to quarrell with any man that speaks to him”.
3) Swine drunke – “heauy lumpish, and sleepie, and cries for a little more drinke”.
4) Sheepe drunke – “wise in his owne conceipt, when he cannot bring forth a right word”.
5) Mawdlen drunke – “when a fellowe will weepe for kindnes in the midst of his Ale, and kisse you, saying; By God Captaine I loue thee, goe thy waies thou dost not thinke so often of me as I do of thee, I would (if it pleased GOD) I could not loue thee so well as I doo, and then he puts his finger in his eie, and cries”.
6) Martin drunke – “when a man is drunke and drinkes himselfe sober ere he stirre”.
7) (See above)
8 ) Foxe drunke - “when he is craftie drunke, as many of the Dutch men bee, and neuer bargain but when they are drunke”.
Reading the OED: One Man, One Year, 21,730 Pages
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