This was no ordeal as I've had room in my life for Jay and Silent Bob since the original Clerks all those years ago. Clerks 2 is worth the price of admission for Randal's delineation of the Lord of the Rings movies alone:
Those fxxkin' hobbit movies were boring as hell. All it was, was a bunch of people walking, three movies of people walking to a fxxking volcano. Even the fxxking trees walked.
His mime summary of the trilogy has to be seen to be believed.
Actually for all its surface crudity, Clerks 2 is really rather a sweet and sentimental movie about Dante's slowburn romance with Rosario Dawson's character.
I've long thought that sort of thing is a peculiarly American product. Didn't Kurt Vonnegut talk about putting bitter coatings on sugar pills or something similar? Philip Marlowe, the shop soiled Sir Galahad, was an early example. He was really a pussycat under the hardboiled exterior.
In a separate development, I worried a little on Sunday when I noticed in Sainsbury that the new Wesley Snipes movie seemed to have gone straight to video in the UK. This was because I had been getting breathless reports from my brother earlier in the year of the Snipester filming action scenes outside his office, so I was obviously keen to see my home town blown to smithereens on the big screen.
It turns out that it is The Detonator that has failed to get a cinema release, the film I'm waiting for is The Shooter. What a relief!
As I was googling my way to the truth, I was also delighted to come across details of Wesley Snipes Six Day Sexcapade in Cardiff. Its a pretty dull story to be honest, but saved by this money quote:
"He also talked in strange rhymes and told me he was a Buddhist monk. His meditating annoyed me. Without warning, he'd shake me and say he was 'releasing my energy'."
Genius.
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