At ease

I'm down in Wales. Take a rain check.

The glamorous life

I am sitting in the car with the Bomber as we have got to the dentist an hour early. Oh, how he laughed.

After he has had his teeth sorted out we are driving down to Wales for tonight's Probables v Possibles game.

I have taken the day of work. What larks!

Vice

Vice Media (herewith the Torygraph skinny) has an online section - Munchies - about grub (http://munchies.vice.com/) and another - Fightland - about MMA (http://fightland.vice.com/).

My cup runneth over.

Crammin' until the break of dawn

Stevie Wonder pays Clapham a month tomorrow, so it is time to start my revision. Original Musiquarium I from 1981 was pretty much my constant companion when it came out in the early 80s, but it is (largely) a compilation and the only album I have. I think I need to work through the mother lode of the classic 70s albums, so I bought Innervisions on iTunes last night; picking it because it was remastered.

I also found the documentary above on YouTube. My God, I will be a Stevland-Hardaway-Judkins bore by the end of June. Did you know he's five years younger than Debbie Harry of Blondie f'r example?

True Dat

Grauniard letters page:

It is, of course, absurd that in the second decade of the 21st century, the Prince of Wales should again be testing the boundaries of his personal freedom to make political interventions (Prince proves he is a chip off the old block, 22 May). More depressing, however, is the supine reaction of Britain's party leaders. The roles of the monarch and heir to the throne are largely defined by precedent and constitutional conventions, so an action that is not challenged can ultimately form the basis of a putative right. By failing to express concern over Charles's recklessly indiscreet comments about Vladimir Putin, in which he compared the Russian president to Adolf Hitler, the UK's leading elected representatives have offered him implicit constitutional licence to make similar outbursts in the future. These can only serve to undermine the monarchy's value as an instrument of British diplomacy. Nick Clegg's claim that Charles should be "free to express himself" was presumably a clever ruse to hasten the advent of a republic. Otherwise, it was just rather silly.
Professor Philip Murphy
Director, Institute of Commonwealth Studies

Raining again

I seem to have got a free month's movie subscription with my Sky Now box (Icons passim). Just the job for a rainy Bank Holiday Monday afternoon.

The sun shone for Rutsfest yesterday though, so I shouldn't really grumble overall.

I'm just saying, is all

Could things get ant better than Ramsey wrapping himself in the Welsh flag after winning the FA cup last week? It seems so.

Right Now

Torygraph

The cheapest HDMI cable currently on sale in John Lewis is £9.95, plus £3 postage and packaging. For £9.99, Sky will sell you an HDMI cable that comes with a free Now TV box that connects your TV to the BBC iPlayer, Five’s catch up services, Facebook, Spotify, other apps and offers access to Sky Movies and Sky Sports on a short-term subscription basis.

To put it another way, there’s almost no reason on Earth not to buy a Now TV box, especially if you need an HDMI cable, or might in the future.

The first time I tried Sky Now was when I shelled out £9.99 on a day pass to watch the Heineken Cup semi final between Saracens and Toulon in April last year (Icons passim).

The same sides are going to meet in the final this year and kick off at the Millenium Stadium at five this afternoon. I noticed in Currys yesterday that I can get a Sky Now box that includes a one day sports pass for £14.99. That gives me the hardware for a fiver so I think that will be the way forward for today as Sky have the rights to the game.

I wonder if I will stay with sky for Bale in the all Madrid European championship final later in the evening, or go back to ITV?

Make Mine Marvel

Marvel announce Captain America spin-off TV show Agent Carter

British actor Hayley Atwell will reprise her role as Agent Carter from the Marvel movie series, in a show exploring her life as a spy while Captain America is frozen in ice

Crikey, as a Sion Manning old girl, she was already making me feel old in 2008 (Icons passim). Now she's a tent pole movie alumnus with her own US TV series.

I wanna be elected

I voted in the local council and European elections before work this morning.

There were seventeen or eighteen parties to choose from for the Europeans. I was astounded. You had to unfold the paper three or four times just to see the whole list.

The only reliable conclusion that can be drawn about the whole sorry mess is that Nigel Farage is younger than Johnny Depp.

Which one did I vote for?

jolt for democracy

This blog is on record in approving of Tory MP Rory Stewart, and Labour MP Paul Flynn, which makes it gratifying to read Paul Flynn's comments on Rory Stewart's election as chair of the Commons defence select committee.

Just as politics was slipping into a coma of torpor an electrifying jolt jerks it into new life.

It could not have happened without the Wright reforms. They continue to deliver. Rory Stewart was unelectable by the whips as a Select Committee Chairman. He is not biddable, has a unique hinterland of extraordinary achievements and possesses a working brain-all traits that disqualify him from promotion by the neurotically controlling whips.

The Defence Select Committee, under Rory, will metamorphose from passive collaborating cheerleaders for the war party into a critical voice of objective reason. That's if the other establishment committee members allow him to lead. The rough democracy that the Wright reforms imposed of the election of chairs produced a range of eight Tory hopefuls with a wide spectrum of opinions.

Coincidentally, I am 81% of the way through reading Stewart's The Places In Between. (My kindle tells me 81%. This is not the kind of figure I keep in my head.) The book is about his solo walk across north-central Afghanistan in 2002, at the American invasion and occupation after the events set in motion by 9/11.

Maybe http://www.parliament.uk/business/committees/committees-a-z/commons-select/defence-committee/ will be worth keeping an eye on now.

Erik Satie’s A Day in the Life of a Musician

Here is the exact timetable of my daily activities.

Get up: 7:18 am; be inspired 10:23 to 11:47 am.

Take lunch: 12:11 pm; leave table at 12:14 pm.

Healthy horse-riding out in the grounds: 1:19 to 2:53 pm

More inspiration: 3:12 to 4:07 pm.

Various activities (fencing, reflection, immobility, visits, contemplation, swimming etc.): 4:21 to 6:47 pm.

Dinner is served at 7:16 and ends at 7:20 pm

Then come symphonic readings out loud 8:09 to 9:49 pm.

I go to bed regularly at 10:37 pm. Once a week on Tuesdays I wake with a start at 3:19 am

I can only eat white foods: eggs, sugar, scraped bones, fat from dead animals, veal, salt, coconuts, chicken cooked in white water, rice, turnips, things like pasta, white cheese, cotton salad and certain fish.

I boil my wine and drink it cold mixed with fuchsia juice. I have a good appetite, but never talk while eating, for fear of strangling myself.

I breathe carefully a little at a time.

My sleep is deep but I keep one eye open. My bed is round with a hole cut out to let my head through. Once every hour a servant takes my temperature.

I have long subscribed to a fashion magazine. I wear a white bonnet, white stockings and a white waistcoat.

My doctor has always told me to smoke. Part of his advice runs “Smoke away, my dear chap. If you don’t someone else will."

What an extraordinary coincidence! That is my itinerary almost to the minute also, though I schedule spontaneity 9:12 to 9:18 am.

With his long-legged heart in his hand

The Bomber showed me this picture over the weekend. It is him just about to go over for the try that did for Buckingham in the Burnham-on-Sea festival semi final. That was his fifth (not too shabby from full back) making him our top scorer on tour.

notorious Ukrainian prankster Vitalii Sediuk

It is the most famous red carpet in the world, with Hollywood stars preparing for hours to have their glamorous pictures beamed across the world. 

So spare a thought for actress America Ferrera, who was left looking shaken after being targeted by a prankster who launched himself towards her and put his head up her skirt. 

Ferrera, the Ugly Betty actress who stars in How to Train Your a Dragon 2, had been posing for photographs with colleagues Cate Blanchett and Kit Harrington when the stranger dived onto the red carpet and lifted up her dress. 

The interloper, later identified as notorious Ukrainian prankster Vitalii Sediuk, attempted to put his head inside her voluminous white dress in front of the world’s press. 

He was removed by security as Ferrera looked on in confusion. Her co-star Blanchett, the double Oscar winner, glared at Sediuk as he was taken away, as Game of Thrones actor Harrington took Ferrera’s arm to reassure her. 

After taking a moment to compose themselves, the cast continued with the premiere of How to Train Your Dragon 2 without further mishap. 

Ferrera, who rose to fame in as the lead role in the successful US television series Ugly Betty, appeared to shrug the incident off by the time the after party came around, and was seen relaxed and laughing with guests. 

It is not the first time Sediuk has targeted a red carpet event. 

In 2012, he attempted to repeatedly kiss Will Smith on the lips at the premier of Men in Black 3, earning himself a gentle slap in the face. 

He has also been photographed awkwardly hugging actors Bradley Cooper and Leonardo DiCaprio, crouching to waist height to leave them uncomfortable.

Perhaps we just don't need Beachcomber any more.

new box range - frequently asked questions

I'm a bit hung over this morning without much to say.

Ummmm

Have you heard thar Riverford are revising their vegetable box range?

We're off to watch the 'Quins Sarries game now.

Laters.

time signature bombs

Beautiful Dreamer B-1 (with music-box mechanism)

2014

A-Series grenades play America the Beautiful,
B-Series grenades play Beautiful Dreamer.

A (possibly unknowing) disciple of Dr. Strabismus' newest work includes a series of grenades that "detonate" a melody from an enclosed music box when the pin is pulled and the spoon is released.

Each grenade is wound and set, and can only ever be "played" once—much like how a grenade can only explode once. "Music expands outwards from its source in compressive waves, just like detonated ordnance" he explains. "Both possess the power to affect people at great distance." But rather than releasing a surge of distortion or feedback (i.e. explosive music), his crafted bronze objects play "America The Beautiful" and "Beautiful Dreamer" by Katharine Lee Bates and Stephen Foster, respectively.

Edward Kenway

The Bomber was playing Assassin's Creed IV Black Flag last night. I had heard of it because I read about Matt Ryan (Icons passim) voicing Edward Kenway, the lead character.

This meant that I could confidently assert that Kenway was Welsh. An announcement that was treated with derision and raised eyebrows until the avatar on the screen himself confirmed it himself, announcing that he had named his ship, the Jackdaw, after a bird he remembered from his childhood in Swansea.

Edward Kenway; Welsh-born icon.

Sleepify

Indescribably:

Many musicians have criticised Spotify for offering inadequate compensation to artists, yet one ingenious Los Angeles-based band are claiming to have raised $20,000 (£11,800) through the streaming service without recording a note.

Funk act Vulfpeck posted their latest album, Sleepify, on Spotify in March, and invited their fans to stream it through the night while they slept. The gimmick? Sleepify is completely silent.

The band’s drummer and keyboard player, 26-year-old Jack Stratton, explained the strategy in a YouTube video, explaining that the royalties from the scheme would fund a tour of totally free gigs, with a route taking in all the cities and towns where Sleepify was played most.

Mr Stratton and his bandmates Theo Katzman, Woody Goss and Joe Dart have released three previous albums as Vulfpeck. Sleepify consists of 10 tracks with titles including “Z”, “Zzz” and “Zzzzzz”. Spotify’s average rate for royalties is $0.007 per track streamed, and a song must be played for at least 30 seconds to register.

All the tracks on Sleepify clock in at 31 or 32 seconds; an eight-hour night of continuous streams could thus generate more than $5 in royalties.

Shortly after the LP’s release, the band tweeted: “Please don’t ‘shuffle’ Sleepify. I know this might come off snobbish, but we spent a lot of time on track order”.

It's Dr Strabismus' world, we just live in it; part the umpteenth. Would it have been better tuned to 432Hz though?

The tee shirt that knows when you are stressed

A new range of "biometric smartwear" constantly monitors your heart rate to give you feedback on your exercise routine, and can even warn you when it spots the danger signs that could lead to health problems such as stress or heart attack.



I remember reading in Richard Ingrams' Beachcomber anthology that J.B. Morton "invented the electric toothbrush, as a joke, only to see it become a fact of life."

What would Dr Stabismus have made of "biometric smartwear," or indeed the invaluable MIDI Sprout?

Constantine

Fridays this fall on NBC. If you were casting a series about an exorcist who struggles with his faith and is haunted by his past sins, but unexpectedly finds himself as the one to defend humanity from the forces of darkness all the while saying "bollocks," you'd cast a Swansea actor and get him to use his native accent wouldn't you? Of course you would.

If Matt Ryan (Swansea, 1981) can hang in for twenty two episodes of this we'll have a new Welsh Born Icon.

Buckingham Bullets

Buckingham were looking to win the Burnham on Sea Festival for the third time in a row until they went down to tries from Silas and the Bomber in the semi final. Here's their report on the game. It is pretty fair apart from the fact we didn't have any forwards at all on the bench by this stage and backs were being pressed into service in the set pieces,

Game 5, Semi-Final: Old Rutlishians

From Merton Park, south west London, Old Rutlishians must be feeding their kids something potent. A huge team for U13 level, looked daunting to some of the Bullets players and looked to have plenty of replacements to draw upon in contrast to Bullets.

Right from the start Bullets had their backs against the wall with significant and sustained pressure from a well organised and capable Old Ruts team. Bullets defended their try line like Trojans, with 9 scrums in the first half taking their tole on the forwards who dominated the scrum despite a considerable size disadvantage. This was an outstanding defensive display with two tries not given and Bullets surviving the onslaught to half time without conceding. Old Ruts continued to look dangerous and replaced some of their forwards with fresh legs for the second half, not a luxury available to Bullets. Bullets continued to defend magnificently but it seemed only a matter of time before this Ruts team would break away. The strongest team Bullets have faced, probably this season, found it hard to penetrate the Bullets defensive line but they succeeded twice in five minutes to secure a hard fought 12-nil victory at full time. Bullets were tired and battered after this hard fought and sportsman like game of rugby, acknowledged by the referee and by Old Ruts as the best of the tournament so far......just a shame it had to be Bullets last ever at Burnham- on-Sea, home of two previous tournament victories.

In all probability

Warren Gatland’s Wales trial match has been confirmed , with the Probables taking on the Possibles at the Liberty Stadium on Friday, May 30.

The Swansea showdown will give Gatland the opportunity to cast his eye over contenders for the tour of South Africa, ahead of naming his final 31-man party.

It will see two squads go head-to-head in an old school trial with the chance to impress the national squad management and book their places for the three-match trip.

Tickets to see the two sides battle it out for the right to wear the famous Wales jersey are priced at £5 for adults and £1 for under 16s and will go on sale from Tuesday May 13.

The Bomber and I have decided to go back to Wales for this game as he is off school on that Friday for half term. We had also been thinking of going to Cardiff for the Heineken Cup Final but that is about £75 a head rather than £5 or £1 for concessions.

Who Watches the Watch List?

A legit version of The Big Easy not - so far as I can tell - being available online, this weekend's starter above will be followed by The Man Who Ate New Orleans and then - if it isn't too serious for our mood - Harry Shearer's The Big Uneasy.

Under Milk Wood

A unique one-off television production of Dylan Thomas's famous 'play for voices' performed by a community of Welsh talent in New York, Los Angeles, London, Cardiff and Laugharne. Michael Sheen opens as First Voice, Sir Tom Jones as Captain Cat and as each of Dylan's iconic characters joins in, the piece builds up into a collage of famous voices and faces (including Matthew Rhys, Ioan Gruffudd, Siân Phillips, Jonathan Pryce, Bryn Terfel and Katherine Jenkins) intercut with evocative imagery inspired by the play and created as part of a live event by National Theatre Wales.

Well worth a watch, and available until the evening of May 12.

Kyle McInerney RIP

I have got a little more information on this week's sombre news.

It is with the most enormous sadness that we have to announce that Old Ruts and Rutlish School Under 16 Kyle died in hospital yesterday following a rugby training session.

Kyle came to rugby late but in his own quiet way worked really hard to establish himself as first choice prop this season for the U16’s at Club and School and he will be sorely missed both on and off the field by his fellow players and coaches.

The whole Old Ruts family will want to send their condolences to Carol, Ricky, Albert and all the family and friends of Kyle at this very difficult time.

The Club will of course mark Kyle’s passing in an appropriate way and will let everyone know about that.

Mike Stallard, Chair, Youth Rugby, Old Ruts

Update: More from the Evening Standard

There are no words

I got this email last night.

Squad,

I had been looking forward to writing this report all day. Our most successful and brilliant tour ever – the whole weekend was better than I could imagine, both as a parent and as a coach. I am immensely proud of you all.

However, very sadly, there has been terrible news concerning an U16, Rutlish and Old Ruts boy, at training earlier today. This is not the moment for celebration, there will be news from the Club in due course.

All best,
Jim

From what I can gather one of the U16s died training for sevens at the club. What a terrible, terrible thing, and how his family, friends and everyone who was there must be suffering.

 For now, I won't write his name, speculate about the circumstances:

Nor blaspheme down the stations of the breath
With any further
Elegy of innocence and youth.

The Second Coming

We are back from the Burnham on Sea rugby festival. The U13 boys were runners up in the cup. It is a bit of a disappointment as we were beaten by Newcastle Emlyn, a side we drew with in the very first game. Without making excuses, the fact that we were short of forwards in the touring squad told by the last game as attrition took its inevitable toll. Jonnie was moved from outside centre to lock, and Big Bill came off after a punch up to be replaced by a boy half as tall and half as wide (which makes him a quarter of the size).

On the plus side, there was some thrilling rugby played along the way. The Bomber scored a wonder try where, running towards his own line on the left, he collected a bouncing ball, took it behind our own posts, then ran all the way up the right wing, turned and scored under the opposition's uprights.

In the evening James heard one of the coaches talking about it. "I've seen people taking a lap of honour after scoring," he said. "But never taking a lap of honour before scoring."

Also there is talk of extending the tournament to U14s next year, so it may not be our last hurrah,

I'll give it five

Here is the league 5 team's report card for the season. A strong finish after a shaky start.

U13 League 5
Team P W D L F A Diff B Pts Pts Adjust Warlingham U13s 6 5 0 1 184 44 140 4 31 0 Old Emanuel Lions U13 6 4 0 2 130 114 16 3 27 0 Cobham U13B's 6 3 1 2 137 129 8 3 24 0 Camberley U13 B 6 3 0 3 167 208 -41 4 22 0 Old Rutlishians U13 B 6 3 0 3 119 133 -14 2 19 0 Guildford U13 B 6 1 1 4 86 126 -40 2 14 0 Guildfordians U13 B 6 1 0 5 49 118 -69 1 8 0

Date	Home Team		Result		Away Team	Round
17 November 2013	Warlingham U13s		Away Walkover		Old Emanuel Lions U13	1
	Old Rutlishians U13 B	12		35	Cobham U13B's	1
	Guildfordians U13 B	29		38	Camberley U13 B	1
01 December 2013	Old Emanuel Lions U13		Home Walkover		Guildfordians U13 B	2
	Cobham U13B's	19		59	Warlingham U13s	2
15 December 2013	Camberley U13 B	43		28	Old Emanuel Lions U13	3
12 January 2014	Guildfordians U13 B		Away Walkover		Guildford U13 B	4
	Warlingham U13s	45		5	Old Rutlishians U13 B	4
	Camberley U13 B	19		29	Cobham U13B's	4
26 January 2014	Cobham U13B's	19		24	Old Emanuel Lions U13	5
	Camberley U13 B	0		40	Warlingham U13s	5
02 March 2014	Warlingham U13s		Home Walkover		Guildford U13 B	3
	Guildford U13 B	12		38	Old Emanuel Lions U13	7
	Old Rutlishians U13 B		Away Walkover		Guildfordians U13 B	7
16 March 2014	Camberley U13 B	26		50	Old Rutlishians U13 B
	Guildford U13 B	15		15	Cobham U13B's
30 March 2014	Old Rutlishians U13 B	12		7	Guildford U13 B	6
	Guildfordians U13 B		Away Walkover		Cobham U13B's	6
27 April 2014	Old Emanuel Lions U13	0		40	Old Rutlishians U13 B
	Guildford U13 B	32		41	Camberley U13 B
	Guildfordians U13 B		Away Walkover		Warlingham U13s

Final whistle

We are away at Brean Sands so I thought I would use the interregnum to record the U13 sides' results and league places for the year. As today, Bs tomorrow is the plan.

U13 League 2
Team P W D L F A Diff B Pts Pts Adjust Reeds Weybridge U13s 7 7 0 0 265 65 200 7 42 0 Guildfordians U13 7 6 0 1 216 97 119 6 37 0 Old Rutlishians U13 7 4 0 3 214 138 76 6 29 0 Camberley U13 7 4 0 3 208 119 89 5 28 0 Effingham & Leatherhead U13s 7 4 0 3 183 164 19 4 27 0 Old Reigatian U13 7 1 1 5 104 228 -124 1 14 0 Haslemere U13 7 0 1 6 64 241 -177 1 10 0 Sutton & Epsom U13 A 7 1 0 6 81 283 -202 1 9 -3

Date	Home Team		Result		Away Team		Round
20 October 2013	Old Rutlishians U13	45		7	Sutton & Epsom U13 A		9
17 November 2013	Sutton & Epsom U13 A	37		26	Haslemere U13		1
	Reeds Weybridge U13s	27		19	Guildfordians U13		1
	Old Rutlishians U13	15		5	Camberley U13		1
01 December 2013	Old Reigatian U13	14		34	Effingham & Leatherhead U13s		2
	Haslemere U13	7		37	Old Rutlishians U13		2
	Guildfordians U13	36		5	Sutton & Epsom U13 A		2
15 December 2013	Camberley U13	36		7	Haslemere U13		3
	Sutton & Epsom U13 A	5		34	Old Reigatian U13		3
	Effingham & Leatherhead U13s	36		24	Old Rutlishians U13		3
12 January 2014	Sutton & Epsom U13 A	5		45	Reeds Weybridge U13s		4
26 January 2014	Guildfordians U13	40		0	Haslemere U13		5
	Effingham & Leatherhead U13s	12		24	Reeds Weybridge U13s		5
09 February 2014	Haslemere U13	5		32	Effingham & Leatherhead U13s		6
	Reeds Weybridge U13s	40		0	Old Reigatian U13		6
23 February 2014	Old Rutlishians U13	46		15	Old Reigatian U13		4
02 March 2014	Old Reigatian U13	19		19	Haslemere U13		7
	Reeds Weybridge U13s	39		19	Old Rutlishians U13		7
	Effingham & Leatherhead U13s	7		47	Camberley U13		7
09 March 2014	Camberley U13	15		20	Guildfordians U13		4
16 March 2014	Sutton & Epsom U13 A	12		52	Effingham & Leatherhead U13s		8
	Camberley U13	10		50	Reeds Weybridge U13s		8
	Old Reigatian U13	12		34	Guildfordians U13		8
23 March 2014	Guildfordians U13	29		28	Old Rutlishians U13		6
30 March 2014	Camberley U13	45		10	Sutton & Epsom U13 A		5
27 April 2014	Guildfordians U13	38		10	Effingham & Leatherhead U13s		9
	Haslemere U13	0		40	Reeds Weybridge U13s		9
	Camberley U13	50		10	Old Reigatian U13		9