A BITING wind from the haunted, barren plains of Siberia will expose the lies you tell yourself, the Met Office has confirmed.
Forecasters said the unrelenting wind will search deep inside you, burrowing into you and uncovering the shame that corrodes your soul, as temperatures drop to -11, making the UK colder than St Petersburg.
A Met Office spokesman said: “You cannot hide from it. Even if you shelter behind closed doors, you will hear its whisper and it will say ‘I know who you are’.”
The forecasters said the wind will be a passionate, wild-eyed interrogator of the human condition, forcing you to confront one monumental truth after another.
The spokesman added: “Do not prepare yourself for there is nothing you can do. It will howl at you until you say ‘no’ and ‘yes’ in the same desperate, elated breath.
“Particularly those in central and northern Scotland.”Goodness me it's chilly this morning, Hat tip, Simon.