Second thoughts

'I lost my virginity to an alien holographic at the age of FIVE': Labour politician appears on TV to defend his claims of encounters with extra-terrestrials

• Whitby councillor Simon Parkes is a married father-of-three

• Appeared on ITV's This Morning to talk about his visitations

• The Stakesby representative also says he has had a lovechild with an alien

• His mistress is called the Cat Queen, the child named Zarka

• The 53-year-old said he has sex with an alien about four times a year

On reflection, I may have been rash letting the Daily Mail back in my life yesterday. There is something to be said though for the qualification "about" in the phrase has sex with an alien about four times a year.