Saturday, April 04, 2009

The Dove from Above

" Shooting Stars" is to return. In previous episodes:

John Peel had a minute to climb into a pram and cover himself completely with a babies blanket.

Jarvis Cocker was given the task of throwing mini Babybel cheeses at a giant poster of Judy Finnigan's face, with £5 awarded for each hit to the eyes, and £10 for each hit to the mouth, with the additional proviso that Cocker had "to throw them in the style of a girl".

Damon Hill was buried in a large tub of mushrooms which Vic referred to in a pirate's voice "The sea of mushrooms!", and was given the task of throwing out as many bags of crisps from the container as he could (while the rest of the team and audience left the studio and the lights were turned out, leaving Damon 'looking' at his watch whilst still covered in mushrooms).

Johnny Vegas had to see how many vacuum attachments he could stick to his face.

Ulrika Jonsson had to wipe dandruff from a car windscreen using any of her four cheeks, while "Oops Upside Your Head" by the Gap Band played.

Mark Lamarr, armed only with a child's plastic shield, was forced to fend off various stuffed animals, in increasing size, that were swung at him by Vic from the 'Garden of Tanktata'. The animals ranged from a dormouse to a grizzly bear, it was the bear that was the only mammal he failed to defend himself against, in which the weight and speed of it caused him to go flying into the wall behind him, while losing all the money he won in the game. He later had to fend off a series of different-sized timepieces, from a wristwatch to a stuffed cow wearing a wristwatch, which he completed sucsessfully. The shield was called "The Shield of Cher", because according to Vic she can "Turn back time". This format was repeated again for Clare Grogan's challenge, who was pelted with fruit, culminating in the World's Biggest Fruit, a very camp man/fruit called Soft Alan (played by David Walliams).

Mark Williams was forced to lie on top of a cupboard while Vic and Bob tried desperately to knock him off by hitting him with brooms and slamming their bodies into the side of the cupboard.

Gordon Burns from The Krypton Factor had to knock detergent bottles off a wall made up of dog food cans with a trombone, providing it was playing a note, unless it was a bottle of Jif, in which case he was to intentionally miss it.

Lisa Stansfield had to insert a stick of celery between her legs and reverse towards Vic's "lovely dog John" in order to entice him with a series of Greek dips.

Paul Daniels was locked in an Iron Lung and had to place sweets in his mouth before dropping them onto the body of Ken Tussle (Charlie Higson), the only man capable of letting him out, who was asleep on the floor and could only be woken up with sweets. Ken Tussle had an enormous false nose supported by a wheel, which swept from side to side across his stomach.

Dervla Kirwan had to put on an enormous ginger wig, crawl in and out of a viaduct, catch mice in her hair and shake them into a series of potties.

Norman Pace was shot in the backside five times with a spud gun, in order to see if he could remain silent.

Richard E. Grant was placed in a barrel and rolled towards the "Valley of the Plum," which, as Bob informed us, was made up of mostly Victorian fruits, "damsons, greengages and of course, wedlocks!"

Stephen Fry had to climb into a large wheeled tortoise shell, and collect the various components of a fried breakfast from the floor of the studio.

Ardal O'Hanlon had to karate chop a bread stick, a celery stalk, a cucumber and a marrow in 10 seconds, then chop a man's wooden leg in half.

Griff Rhys Jones had to climb down a flight of stairs face down with a plastic fork in his mouth and knock false teeth and fake hips down the stairs into a bucket below.

Martin Clunes had to balance roast chickens on Les Dennis's back in "Journey to Fowl Mountain".

David Baddiel had to stand on a vibrating platform with a plate covered in Brussels Sprouts; he won a pound for each sprout still remaining on the plate.

Myleene Klass was placed in a box where she could not see anything below her neck and was told she had to spend a minute with a monkey attacking her lower half (in actuality it was Vic). Anthea Turner had a similar challenge, only with a bull instead of a monkey (again played by Vic, with some plastic horns).

Janet Street-Porter had a large piece of wood strapped to her back and was asked to walk towards a large fan which could only be switched off with her face, calling for "Ken, the elderly security guard in the local Osram factory", to help her.

Jack Dee had an opera singer stand in front of him while singing Nessun Dorma. Jack was not allowed to flinch or laugh and a dead blue tit was placed on his head used as a "flinchometer". The dead Blue Tit fell off twice.
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