Losing it

Mark “3-in-a-Bed Rent Boy Shame” Oaten, the former Liberal Democrat Home Affairs spokesman has invited further derision in an article penned for the Sunday Times by announcing that he blames his fall on the onset of baldness.

"I don’t think I would ever have had reason to reconsider my sexuality had it not been for a combination of factors and events at a difficult period in my life," he reveals.

"I doubt that, on its own, my dissatisfaction with politics would have prompted me to act as I did, but it coincided with something of a mid-life crisis. I was turning 40 and I really felt that I was losing my youth. The problem was undoubtedly compounded by my dramatic loss of hair in my late thirties. This really knocked me for six. I started to look noticeably older.
"Any television appearance would result in a barrage of e-mails, not about the issues I’d raised but about my lack of hair. Whether supportive or not, they all asked what had happened to my hair. It’s perhaps not surprising that I became more and more obsessed by its disappearance. For me it was a public sign that my youth had ended. "

Poor, poor bunny, had he but realised. Exhibits A (Billy Zane) and B (Jason Stratham) above reveal that - in matters of the heart - Britain's sweetheart Kelly Brook is a serial, slaphead succubus.

Bald as I am, I should be so bald. If only she kept her blog more up to date.